My new last name same as ex-wife

I am... I feel the same... change your damn name back. Lol but you know what, we are better than that and you know you're the true future Mrs. "Insert last name"

I didn’t change my name during my divorce because a) it was my name and b) it was also my daughters name. I changed it when H and I got married only because we also planned to have children together so either way I wouldn’t share my last name with at least one of my kids. My H joined “our (her) family” and so did exH’s FW. My daughter’s family is her dad, me, and her. In addition to that she has two awesome stepparents and 4 younger half siblings.

Change your name or don’t, but don’t make it about his ex-wife.

View Quoted Comment True, I just tend to overthink things (I am a very logical thinker) and it annoys me. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone though... this woman is just a not nice person, and I’m stuck on not wanting to even be associated with her lol

His ex-wife shouldn’t even be considered when making this desicion. I think you are over thinking it. No matter what he married her first but he is marrying you now! That’s whats important, the present day. And you are joining “their family”. But that isn’t a bad thing. Either way she is part of your life now and as gross as that is his ex is apart of that. Don’t hold tight to the drama it will only make you miserable. But with all that said you don’t have to change your name at all for any reason just don’t make it about her.

View Quoted Comment I have a hard time not making it about her. I hate that I am even thinking about it because it’s like in a way I am letting her win. She is a terrible person, and manipulated everyone including their daughter so for me, I have this thought of being associated with her in some way. You’re 100% right, this is about my husband and I and our life now and forever, she’s his past.

View Quoted Comment I mean you’re going to be associated with her no matter how you feel about her/the situation. She’s the mother of your future stepdaughter.

View Quoted Comment 100%. I think I just needed some affirmations Without going into a lot of detail - she is just psycho. I don’t mean that in the catty sense, she has created a lot of issues with their daughter, (munchausen by proxy), and has no basic sense of how to be an adult let alone a parent. So when she said I have joined their family it’s like no no no lol I am NOT a part of that craziness. I prefer to be on the sidelines of that mess hahaha

I would be upset too but if you don’t change your name she wins

View Quoted Comment We are avoiding the typical stepdaughter/stepmother situation as she has convinced her daughter I am taking her father away (when it’s the opposite, I go out of my way to ensure that my husband has more opportunities to see his daughter as it’s hard with her loving an hour away). I don’t have a relationship with the daughter, so it’s not a typical blended family. I think if it were this probably wouldn’t be an issue :/

View Quoted Comment But you are going to be marring the daughters Dad. So you can not stay on the sidelines. The mom is always going to be a part of the girls life now you are the girls step mom or whatever you want to call yourself to her. Basicly you like it or not you marrying the kids Dad puts you in there lives.

I have been on the sidelines for a few years. We don’t really have a relationship (me and the daughter). My husband and his daughter spend weekends together doing stuff, sometimes I tag along but sometimes I don’t. She’s almost 7, and her behavior is atrocious because her mother refuses to discipline. It’s frautrating for my husband and I (especially him) as he sees her 1-2 days a week... but anyway my main question was - am I overthinking about sharing the same last name as the crazy ex-wife or should I just let it go and focus on the fact that it’s about my husband and I? Yes I get it... we’re all “connected” now through marriages, etc. however the dynamic of our relationship is not your typical blended one.

I personally think you’re overthinking it. If you really think about it, there isn’t really an “original” name unless you completely make something up. Like you share your first name with a ton of other people, a lot of which you probably wouldn’t like if you knew them. Put this out of your mind. As a bride, you have so many other things to stress about and this shouldn’t be one. Focus on the fact that you’re going to share a name with your future husband and completely get her out of the picture.

View Quoted Comment You’re right ty!!

View Quoted Comment That’s understandable! I get it!! Just don’t let her ruin that if you want it! But if not that’s okay too! I do feel for you though! Sounds like a hot mess!

View Quoted Comment It is definitely a hot mess lol

If they are officially divorced then she can’t use the Mrs. title anymore, if you’re really concerned about it, maybe hyphen your last names? My FH’s parents were both previously married and my MIL uses her first husbands name hypened with FIL’s last name

The Ex-Wife seems like she may be a little crazy. I say change your name but let her intimidate you.

More reasons for no one to change their name. Gets so messy!

Jessica, in most states in the US, a divorcee can continue to use her ex's name.

Valerie, if this is already a high conflict situation, I would warn you to be careful about using your DHs name in connection with Dr or School of your soon to be stepdaughter. In the US, in most states, being a Stepmother comes with very few legal rights. If the child's mom perceives you as trying to make educational or medial decisions, she may make thinks difficult for your DH. And to people who say, your DH can give you a power of attorney, that does not always work well. Good luck.

She is Miss Smith. You would be Mrs. Smith.

My FH’s ex-wife kept his last name too and they didn’t even have kids together!!! LOL They’ve been apart something like 17 years, she has never remarried and is still obsessed with our lives. But...SHE is Miss X. 😀 I will be Mrs. Wifey. 😍