My mother is trying to delay the wedding

For example, right now she's worried about a walled-off, enclosed garden at the back of the house called the Secret Garden. She says that 'everyone will want to see it' and if it doesn't look good the wedding will be ruined. I feel like since it's walled-off anyway, who cares? Besides, 10 months is enough to fix whatever issue it has, since last I checked it looked fine.

First world problems.

Is she sincerely worried about the house? Or is she not ready for you to get married?

You have two choices:

1) Postpone and have it at your mom's.

2) Tell her that you'll just have the wedding at a venue, so she doesn't have to worry about the house. In that case, you'll have to foot the bill.

Have it at another venue. The ceremony is what's important, not the location.

I agree with Erin. I understand that she might do this all the time but if she's going to be having all those people at her home, you both need to come to some kind of compromise.

I'd also like to mention, you said "She also doesn't want to rent a venue due to cost.". So why don't you pay for a venue yourself? Just curious.

Ideally, you only get married once and she wants it to be perfect, it's a sweet gesture. If you've already paid vendors, then tell her you can't postpone it due to that but you'll help her finish off the garden so it's "satisfactory". Otherwise, if you haven't paid off anything, then maybe meet her half way by postponing it by a month or two? Still summer time.

A walled off "Secret Garden" that everyone will want to see? Umm ok............

It's her house so it's her decision honestly

if you dont like it, pay to get married somewhere else

I would sit down with her and talk about it and if no agreement is made I would have it some where else

I agree, sit down adn talk to her and tell her how you're feeling... See if this is truly about the house or if there is a deeper issue.

I am with everyone else here. If she has a problem with the wedding being at her house, you need to talk to her. If she feels the house won't be ready before the wedding, you should line up another venue (which you will need to pay for yourself)

@Erin

The issue is she DOES want us to use the house, but wants us to wait a long time to do so. She's not 100% set in this opinion, but it seems like she is stressing out primarily because I'm getting married, not because there's anything actually wrong with the house.

@Nadine

That's an unnecessary attack. It's a luxury to have a wedding at all, so pretty much every wedding query is a first world problem.

Her house, her rules. Find plan B.

I should point out to everyone she would be insulted if I had the wedding anywhere else, and probably wouldn't let me pay for another venue- she'd pay for it herself but complain about it.

This is very typical of her- pretty much every time she hosts anything, no matter how much time she is given to plan and prepare, she says that it's going to be a disaster and nothing will be ready, and everything is horrible. Then, everything inevitably turns out fine! I just want to calm her down since this is her typical behavioral pattern.

Another concern is she's worried she won't have a date in 10 months. Not sure why she thinks that's impossible, or why she thinks it's any more likely that she'd have a date 2 years from now. I can't plan my wedding around my mom's dating life.

@Celia

I told her if she didn't like it, we could just do a venue. She told me that would be "bridezilla" of me, that the house has sentimental value, and that even then, she's worried she won't have a boyfriend in time for my wedding and that's the primary reason she wants to delay it.

@MrsDrakthal

Exactly- the only people who even know it exists are a few close family members- about 90% of the wedding guests don't even know my mom has a garden at all. Nobody is going to be poking around the garden. My mom is willing to spend thousands of dollars renovating the garden (but only if I delay the wedding) however she is not willing to pay for a venue or even support MY paying for a venue because she doesn't want me to spend anything.

So you sit down and talk to your mom. You say Mom, we are getting married on this date. If we can have it at your house on that date, then that would be amazing. If you aren't going to be ready by then, we are going to find another venue. End of Story.

Your mom can't NOT LET YOU pay for another venue. You are an adult, right?

You need to just put your foot down about your date. I don't know what you were hoping to get out of this post.

@Laura

Thanks, that's what I'll do. I'd give her more consideration if this wasn't her usual pattern for every single event she's ever hosted- she has a fit about "things not being ready" pretty much every time she has more than 3 people over. I know she means well, but I can't have her creating unnecessary stress and then demanding the wedding be at her house. My brother and I plan to talk to her about this over Christmas, hopefully she'll calm down and realize it's not going to be as horrible as she thinks it is. The house and garden look totally fine and nobody is going to storm out of the wedding because the secret garden isn't visible.

L tell your mom to grow up. That she does not need a boyfriend for you to get married.

@Mrs Drakthal

Well yeah, she definitely doesn't. Also she could totally get a boyfriend in the next 10 months, and maybe she'll have a boyfriend then, but be single 2 years from now! That was the main reason I took this to be an overall sign that she's uncomfortable with me getting married as opposed to any legitimate issue with the house. It's a really ludicrous reason, especially since she's welcome to bring a female friend (and she's already picked one out)