My mom told everyone first.

OP, youre not making a ton of sense but i think i know where youre coming from

my FH told my immediate family he planned to propose and before I knew it I was having distant family members congratulate me for something that hadnt even happened yet. it was super frustrating and a little embarassing.

You can be engaged without a ring, but dont start planning your wedding until you are officially, actually engaged. we "talked about marriage" for 4 years before getting engaged.

unpopular opinion: you are completely within your right to be upset with your mom for making an announcement that is not hers to make. but chill out. you still can, and should, reach out to your families personally

My mom told my extended family when we got engaged. It didnt bother me at all. I still got all the excitement I expected, which TBH wasnt much. People knew it was bound to happen and we were living together pretty much married. Youre whole were engaged to be engaged deal is just confusing and honestly nobody is going to get or care about the logistics if it. Either youre going to get married and theyre going to need to save money for a gift or youre not getting married and they dont have to deal with it right now.

I think you're overreacting. If you think you're engaged enough to plan a wedding, you're engaged enough for people to know. If you think it shouldn't be announced until you get a ring then you shouldn't be planning. Also bora bora is really expensive to expect people to fly to for a DW..

By the way, as someone who also got engaged without a ring, trust me that when the ring arrives everyone will once again be SUPER excited for you and want to see the ring! So think of it this way: you get to have the joy of two announcements, the engagement AND showing off the ring.

I am confused.

Eh. It sucks not having your 'big reveal'and your moment of' hurrah I'm engaged '

Everyone knew we were getting married, fine we were all waiting in the ring. First proposal and ring sucked so I came back and had to tell everyone no ring.

Then his sisters fiance passed away. So when I did get my ring shortly after we didn't say anything because we were trying to be respectful. When we finally announce it it was like. Eh. Whatever.

It sucked. Yeah I totally got "upstaged" by a guys death. Was I a little upset. Hell yes. I felt a little cheated and even more shallow and guilty that I even felt that way and God writing it now makes me feel icky. But the point is It's a feeling. Acknowledge it. Don't wallow in it, or project it. Just realize you're feelings are hurt and move on. On the grand scheme of things... It's a tiny tiny detail.

You're allowed to have an emotional reaction to something, but sometimes that's it that's all you get. Anything more is inappropriate and to much.

You're upset that your mom is super excited for you and told people about the good news?! Be thankful that you have a supportive parent. Honestly, this post just reads so shallow.

Ehhhh, I think you're blowing it out of proportion.

1. Deciding to get married and bringing to plan a wedding together means you're engaged. The proposal is fun and nice, but face it, you're not "engaged to be engaged," you're actually engaged. Period.

2. You're mad because she canceled a cruise to save for your DW, and told other people. While I could understand that from one point, keep in mind that some of the people she told I'm assuming are also people you would have invited, and it's always nice to give THEM time to plan and save, too.

Destination weddings are expensive for everyone involved. STDs are great, but they are usually only sent out 8-10 months beforehand. I know DF has to put in for at least part of his vacation (to be guaranteed time off) in January each year. If not, he can be denied his time off. So if you decide in February to get married in August, August is a busy vacation time, and he likely wouldn't be able to get off because he didn't have notice for his yearly vacation submission. A lot of jobs do stuff like that, too.

Your mom is cancelling her trip to help pay for your BORA BORA DW and you're complaining she announced your engagement?!? Yes, I'd say you're overreacting....

MIL told husbands entire family before we were even back from the trip where he proposed (some she told before we left). I felt bad for my husband, because it wasn't her news to share. I don't think you should be angry about it though...

I agree that you don't need a ring to be engaged. It's more the intent that matters. I have a venue/date, photographer, videographer, hair/make up, florist, photo booth, candy buffet, string quartet for ceremony music, my invites, wedding favors, cake/dessert bar picked out (just waiting for better headcount to order), and wedding decor - but still no ring. I've been engaged for six weeks now and I won't have my ring till some time in March (setting being made and apparently Asia takes a month off for its new year celebration). That'll be about half of my engagement ringless. But having venue/date made me feel more engaged than anything!

Your mother was probably just very excited for you (or possibly excited for herself as my FMIL was...)!

1. It sounds like you are engaged.

2. Did you tell her not to tell anyone yet? If not, how would she know that it was a secret?

3. I'm sure she had to tell her friends a reason that she canceled her vacation.

We have a saying in our home, "it's ok to feel how you feel"

Your mom did steal your big moment and I think you have every right to be upset. I imagine a lot of people that heard the news from her would understand that as well.

Some people just have big mouths and I confess I'm one of them. But my mom has a even bigger mouth and she'd be the first person to admit it. In the past my siblings and I have had to tell my mom to put a lid on it and not make announcements before we do. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

If we want to keep something quiet we don't tell mom until the last minute, works pretty well.

Which is why we didn't tell anyone, including parents, until we had the ring....which was a month after we became engaged. You have a right to feel annoyed, but you run the risk when you start telling people. When we let my MIL know we were having a small wedding and only inviting X people, she had already told several people (not part of our list) they were invited. The minute you tell parents they hit the ground running.

The ring is unnecessary. What makes your engagement official is picking a date, IMO. Ring or no ring. We chose no engagement ring for me and I'm still very much engaged lol.

Irritated yes. Totally outraged, no. If you've agreed to be married, you are in fact engaged, with or without a ring. Yes, it would have been nice to be able to announce this yourself, instead of having her spill the beans. On the other hand, you put your mother in a very difficult position. Your mother was having to tell her friends that she was canceling a cruise that they'd all agreed to. What was she supposed to tell them--that she was washing her hair that week? If you'd reached the point at which you were planning a venue, and that was going to affect her plans with her friends, it was time then for you to make the announcement to get out ahead of the situation.

Jamiee - I understand. We weren't engaged when we started to look at venues and we had taken my mom with us to see [the one we ended up picking] and she ended up paying for the deposit. But she didn't make a peep to anyone for 3 months until FH finally purposed. I would have been upset too if my mom had said anything to anyone because I was really excited to personally tell family members and friends though they knew it was coming. But what is done is done, try not to be to upset and just be excited about being engaged to your man and your DW! Congrats

Yes I am in the same boat.

I am not really engaged right now. What happened was my god brother took the date my bf and I wanted to get married on. June 17,2017 because I would be 21 pretty much out of college and it was the last Saturday with that date until 2023. I saw on FB my soon to be god sister made the announcement that she will get married that day. I told my bf and said meh we can always pick another date. I mean it's whatever I'm not even really engaged to you yet. He told me no he intended on asking me very soon and that was my dream date and I will get that date. So we decide to break the news to my mom because she was asked to be their MOH and told his mom. Well they decided to tell freaking everyone and we never got to have that moment of omg your getting married. Nope nope instead they have told everyone. I feel so stupid planning things and everyone knowing I'm not really engaged.

I am hurt and upset about it too. I didn't blame you for a second.

First I am sure when she had to cancel her trip people started to ask why. As for the dw planned part and you yourself don't consider to be engaged is beyond silly. We were planning before engaged but did not actually plan anything official until it was official. So what happens when you change your mind later on?

When my late husband and I got engaged, he couldn't afford a ring. For Christmas, after we were married for 14 years and had two kids, he gave me a solitaire engagement ring. I cried. Even without a ring, I knew I was engaged.