My mom is hijacking my wedding/rant/vent

There was a post on here yesterday about the whole "Who pays has the say" thing.

It really is hard but bottom line in many cases is if you want it your way, you have to pay.

ps I had a mom like this and I swore I would never be one. So far, so good!

Mara, I totally feel you. My mom and dad gave us approximately one third of our budget and my mom is also a florist who is doing our flowers in addition to the money they already gave. If I like something, she doesn't like it. My mom kept making comments about the color dress I chose for the bridesmaids until finally I just told her to shut the hell up.

My mom is the type who totally shuts down if she doesn't get her way. She'll cross her arms and will only respond with one word answers. My mom knows a lot about weddings but sometimes I need to remind her that it still is my wedding.

Hopefully things get better. You only have a month and a half to go!!!

Tina- if I had known that I'd pay for it myself. Before mom helped pay for the wedding we had a discussion. She actually told me it could be my way and shed just help out. I was leery bc m never backs out of anything but accepted and told her I'd still appreciate some input.

Koch Bride- I feel you. I keep saying less than 2 months "I got this." Lol

Hmm, I don't like the idea of having a solid playlist for your DJ. Are you saying that you do not want your DJ to veer from your list at all?

It's a party for everyone, I think EVERYONE attending should feel good with the music and maybe hear something they like throughout the reception so that they will not be bored and enjoy the party!

Damn that's annoying. I'd have to find a new DJ and pay for it myself.

Can you cover the DJ yourself? Pay her back for the cost and tell her she has no say.

My mom and my dad combined have given us the money to cover the majority of the wedding. I'm getting some input from my mom but she's letting me do what I want to do. Love that woman.

Pay for the DJ yourself. You pay and it's all your say.

So, I don't think you need to find a new DJ. Is your DJ a personal friend of your family or specifically your mother's? I know my entertainment company would tell my mom (or me) that while they take song lists into consideration and will always follow the must play/do not play song rules that they cannot follow a direct script because they want the opportunity to read the crowd to make sure they are playing the right songs for the right moments. Put your mom's songs on the list but put a * next to them that they do not really need to be played or something. You can always fall back on that they were not the right songs for the moment because your DJ was doing their job.

If someone tried to take over the music at my wedding, I'd bitch-slap them lol!

I think that's crazy! & of all things it's music haha I've heard of parents getting really picky with things like food and decor not music!

My FH are footing the bill, but even if someone offers to pay for something, it's still our day and we will have the say. When people offer to contribute they should be doing it to help you with your day not to blackmail you to do what they want.

I'm so sorry your mom is acting like this! When a friend of mine got married, her mom contributed heavily. When my friend and her fiance chose a DJ, all her mom would talk about was how awful the DJ was going to be and how nobody was going to have any fun at their wedding AT ALL. Fast forward and that wedding is still one of the best weddings I've been to - because their DJ was so much fun!

Can you talk to the DJ ahead of time? You are the bride, after all.

My "set list" is only first dance, garter toss, bouquet toss, ECT. My DJ asks for 15 additional songs I'd like to hear. The DJ isn't a family friend. And yes I could pay her back. I didn't even think of that as I was so stressed. I'm so glad I have you ladies to vent too and help with solutions!

Kayla P- that's how I see it buy guess I may be in minority lol

I totally get this. My mom is paying for most of the wedding, plus she is doing a lot of the work for it as we live abroad and she wanted the wedding in my hometown (she said she'd do all the running around so we could do it). Mine keeps buying things without telling me, and just trying to control all the details herself. She even had the nerve to tell me that I had to run my thank you speech by her first because she didn't trust me to write it! I have two degrees, a good job in education and managed to move across the world but apparently I can't handle saying a few thank yous. There's been a ton of other stuff too where she has driven me crazy. I have no advice... just know that I feel your pain!

My parents are helping me pay for some of my wedding stuff. With that said my mom said even tho they are helping me pay for it she isnt gonna care if i do her ideas or not since she had her day and now its my turn. I am doing some of her ideas because she knows what i want, but im just not that crafty when it comes to things. So i told her she can do what she wants for all the decorations and stuff at the reception. On the other hand FMIL isnt helping at all and she thinks she has a say in everything well i got sick of it Saturday and i let her have it.

You and FH are the clients of the DJ -- no matter who pays the bill. You may want to pay him before the wedding day, so Mom doesn't stiff him. Tell the DJ what the two of you want. Tell him he can take a few requests from Momzilla and the other guests.

I know how you feel. If I say I don't like a idea my mom has she tells me if I don't do one thing she suggests for the wedding she does not want to hear about the wedding anymore. The problem her idea are childish looking are nothing like the style of the wedding.

I feel ya girl! My mom (while I love her to death) has been a pain in the you know what?

Is she in direct contact with the dj or is it just you? If she isn't in contact with him, just ask for her list and say you will "give" it to him. Pick the songs you like and then pass it on. If she is, give him a private "do not play list". He has to accommodate you, you are the bride.

In order to accommodate the older crowd of our guest list I'm planning on letting my mom have a lot of say in the music that is played the first 2 hours of the reception (we have 5 hrs of DJ). After that it will be a gradual slide into the music that my fiancé and I like. After 9pm - the party is on!

I just thought I would throw out my plan as maybe a compromise that you two can come to.