My friends fiancé caught cheating

I also disagree with the whole "once a cheater always a cheater". Basically you are labeling that person as someone who is incapable of changing ever. That's illogical.

Thank god she found out before marrying the asshole

If there's any more to the story that doesn't look good then cut ties immediately. Although I do believe cheaters differ by circumstances, a liar is a liar.

Seriously...this is an integrity issue...if someone cheats on a significant other, what else is there to say? Unless there is an innate substance abuse issue that is corrected through abstinence, I don't understand how someone would think that someone's character is going to improve? Cheating is a lack of integrity; how will that change over time? I'm not saying this to argue...really do want to know how you differentiate these issues from a person's integrity. To me, it's there or it's not.

People aren't perfect, and everybody lies. Integrity isn't something that's static and can't be developed, learned, held on to, lost, and regained. Substance abuse isn't the only thing to corrupt ones integrity. People learn self consciousness at different times in their lives. One will never be truly honest with others if they haven't learned to be honest with themselves. Abuse, and self esteem issues can also hinder the ability to know one's self enough to be honest and transparent.

She should probably talk to him. Just to see what he says, and then make her decision. Had that been me, I would have walked over introduced myself, and told him he could go home with her. Under NO circumstances would you be lying to me, having dinner with your ex and me be ok with it. The fact that you lied about it usually means your intentions were not good ones.

I've been down the cheating road in my first marriage. I found out my ex was cheating on me when I was a room mother for my oldest daughter, I was told by one of the mothers at a school party that she met her BF at a bar, he worked for a company, she described my husband to a T. Long behold it was my husband. When I saw a picture of them together I was shocked etc. It ended things for me at that point. Took me a long time before we divorced but we never had an intimate relationship after that. Trust broken is a horrible thing, because you will always second guess everything and that's no way to live.

Regardless of whether this was physical cheating or emotional cheating or cheating at all or what excuse was used, the fact is that he showed a great deal of disrespect to her. Could he have been lying to avoid what he thought was unnecessary drama? I'm sure that's what he'll say, and it could even be true. But he didn't respect her enough to be honest or have an uncomfortable convo even if the situation was innocent. Even best case scenario of that night, there is still a red flag. How will future problems be dealt with if an uncomfortable convo is avoided through lies? Maybe that's the best way to bring it up to your friend. In the end it is her decision. The cheating concern is horrible. I've been there & for most of us it causes irreparable harm in a relationship.

The fact that he lied is horrible but doesn't mean that he intended to cheat sorry. Some people don't get the whole staying friends with an ex and actually being friends after the break up. I would be more upset with the lying since he didn't really cheat.

Coming from a divorced lady she should leave him. Dint you dare be a crapoy friend and let her think its ok to be treated that way. Im sure he may straighten up for a while but it will for sure happen again.

Tell yor friend to RUN...the ex will always be a problem cause the boyfriend/fiance will allow her to be...

I just wanna know why this ex knows ALL their personal business. That means her man is running his mouth to who he shouldn't be running his mouth to!

Hands down, I would run. Dinner and drinks doesn't "mean cheating" but, lets be real. If he had good intentions, he wouldn't have lied. There are way too many men out there would wouldn't do something like that to even fuck around with a liar for one second. Too many fish in the sea for that noise.

I'm friends with exes but I don't lie about it and I don't tell them all my personal business.

I think they should look at why he lied - and although people are quick to judge him, if he felt that he had to (maybe his fiancé is jealous, maybe she doesn't like the ex-girlfriend), then that's something to look at as well. If he lied for the fuck of it, then yes, he's a liar. But if he felt that he had to…

My husband was dating a stark-raving crazy sociopath. She was insanely jealous of every woman, did not allow him to go to a bar with his guy friends, etc. So he lied because he wanted to go out and have fun and not be worried. The problem was their relationship - and they ended it because of that.

EricaTx, you nailed it. If he's got to lie to her for any reason...it's not working. @Storm had a great argument in favor of people growing and NOT believing the "once a cheater, always a cheater" argument however...nobody is going to grow THAT MUCH in a short period of time after being caught. If a couple has been married or together for a long time and there's a breakdown in the relationship and the cheater is willing to go deep and figure out the issue and not do that again (be accountable, take responsibility, build trust again) then OK...but how would that fit this scenario? They're not even married and he's lying about meeting an ex.

And again, this is not about understanding friendships with an ex. I have a longstanding friendship with an ex. I don't lie about it to FH. I will miss the friendship after I am married and the ex has known for a long time that he and I will not remain 'friends' because it would be detrimental to my current relationship. I may have a chat with him once or twice a year to be friendly but we're no longer enmeshed and discussing very personal information. That would be a betrayal of the current relationship.

If you can't tell your fiance that you're having dinner with an ex, you need to end the relationship or stop having dinner. Period.

Well ladies she has given back the ring and put his Ass out. Of course he is denying that it wasn't like that and a whole bunch of crying and let me explain. She read the post and she said he ran his mouth worse than a woman for this person to know all their business. It's a WUSSA kind of night!

To me the lying makes it cheating. Whether he even shook hands with his ex at dinner doesn't matter. He lied and made the decision to go to dinner with his ex, putting his fiancé second. He'd be out if it was me.