My friends fiancé caught cheating

Im sorry but in my book once a cheater always a cheater. I get the whole situation but stil "ME" personally i could,never lay next to someone knowing they have been unfaithful. I have been cheated on once by an EX and i dropped him faster than i can say bye!! We had been together for 2 years. Sorry id leave that loser and find me a real man!

In my opinion, they should at the very, very least postpone the wedding. Regardless of what he was doing there with the ex, the point is that he lied to her about it. Worst case scenario, he's cheating or intending to cheat. Best case scenario, they were just there are friends to catch up and he didn't want to tell his fiance....but even in that case he lied. Myself, I wouldn't feel comfortable moving forward with a wedding to a man who would blatantly lie to me like that, especially about something like an ex. It's not like he said "I'm going to Joe's to work on the car," and then she ran into him and Joe out at the bar instead.

Major red flag. I'm not saying that they can't ever recover from this, but getting married in a few months time just seems like a mistake. They've got some issues to work out first.

Yes they should talk, because dinner isn't necessarily the same as cheating (to me) - it all depends on the situation and talking is the only way to figure it out.

Granted if she has any reservations (and she really should) they should postpone or cancel the wedding.

As an outside member, I guess you can only be supportive of your friend. But if that were me, there would be some serious discussions on lying, trust and why the fiancee thinks okay to be out with an ex and telling the woman he is planning on spending his life with that he is working on a friend's car. I wouldn't marry that man and in fact would have probably already ended the relationship.

Did your friend confront him in the moment? I know I would have right away.

And as much as we all want to say it (better to find out now than after the wedding) please don't do that to her. Be her shoulder if she needs you.

Wow. That's so tough. If it were me, I probably would have killed a bitch. My mother cheated on my father and it's something that I will never, ever, ever forget. To this day, my brother hasn't forgiven my mother. It's very hard, but because of what happened with my parents, I will never except any explanation for cheating.

I do agree with CeCe though. It's not technically cheating, so they need to talk. If he's been blatantly lying to her and going out with another woman, then to me, that's emotional cheating.

I will probably be the minority here, but dinner and drinks is not necessarily cheating even if it is with an ex. If my FH is out of town or even if he is not, I will "go out" with his male friends (who have also become my friends) from time to time. Last year I went with one of FH's buddies to a festival when his date bailed. FH could not have cared one bit. I went to dinner and a movie with a different male friend of his over Christmas for the same reason - a date bailed and they felt slighted so I was more than happy to go with them. The ex your friend was "caught" with might just have been wanting to catch up and talk and he did not want to raise suspicion by saying "I am going to dinner with my ex". Without knowing the full story it is hard to say what was really going on.

@GrayCatVintage I agree that dinner and drinks with an ex is not cheating, but lying about it implies that he most likely was physically cheating with her - or planning to. It's not so much the dinner, it's the lying. And he likely would have never told his fiance about the dinner if she didn't catch him. He's clearly up to no good.

My friend said she wanted to throw her drunk on them both

If my FH lies to me about it, that's my first red flag. If he wants to do dinner/drinks with EX at all in the first place for ANY reason, that's my second red flag. Sorry, but I treat my exes like they're dead. They need to talk and she needs to get to the bottom of whatever is happening.

@Mrs.Reid But she didn't?? That's some self control!

What was his excuse for being there with his ex?

@Graycat, with all due respect, lying to not 'raise suspicion' is a pretty big lie. I have an ex I've known for 20 years. We dated for the first seven of those 20 and were off and on for a while. The relationship has been a platonic friendship. I will miss it, but there is NO WAY I would risk losing trust in my relationship with FH by lying to him. To lie about that would be to value the old relationship before the new one. That says it all.

Also, once a cheater, always a cheater. If he wasn't cheating, he was minimally attempting to keep the door open and that's a character issue. LOSE HIM.

Wow I can't imagine what she must feel. Either way as a friend you have to just be supportive. She needs to have a serious talk with her FH and I would at least postpone the wedding. It's clear that he lied and that is not something to take lightly. I don't think this means an ultimate end to the relationship but she needs to consider if they can rebuild that trust. I think the fact that it was an ex and not just a random girl makes a difference too.. both bad but still... She needs an explanation.

I DO NOT agree with once a cheater always a cheater. When My fiance and I were younger we both cheated on one another. It was something we absolutely regret, and neither one of us would ever do that again. We were together at age 15 until now and went through a phase after being together for so long. We trust each other 100%, we worked through it and love each other deeply. People do make mistakes and sometimes it can be fixed sometimes it cant. Postponing the wedding is probably best to let them talk it out and figure out why he did what he did and what exactly happened. As Graycat said dinner and drinks is not really cheating, lying on the other hand is terrible. Some people just have a friendship connection with an ex but do not know how to explain that to there partner. Some serious talking needs to be done before life changing decisions happen

His excuse was she need ed some one to talk to about her daughter who is having a hard time dealing with him getting married. He has been like a father to her. The other woman did confront my friend and say that no matter what she would always have a friendship with her ex. I spoke to her today and she said that other people who know them have been around when he was seen with his ex so this was not the first time. They have no children and are planning on buying a house together but his friend said to her you got the credit and he has the finances. WTH!! She has just informed me that she can't go through with it cause stuff is coming out little by little.

He has bad credit too?!!!?

Lol I don't know

It does tend to come out of the woodwork once you open your eyes. been there done that.

Ugh, this post just made me sick. I feel so bad for your friend. My ex husband cheated on me and I decided to leave him. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make seeing as how we had a 2 yr old son together, but I knew that the trust was gone and how can you love someone you cannot trust? I would move on if I were her...he LIED to her and that's a big deal. But as her friend you have to support her with whatever decision she makes.

Sounds hinky. I agree being out socially with an ex isn't necessarily cheating, lying about it is suspicious. I find the once a cheater always a cheater so annoying. People are so much more complicated than absolutes.