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My Fiancé wants to skip my brothers wedding to go to her close friends bridal shower

Paul, on February 17, 2023 at 9:04 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 7
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My brother announced his wedding date after her close friends bridal shower was announced. But I assumed a bridal shower is not as major of a deal as a wedding especially of my brother whom I am extremely close to.


Is it too pushy of me to be twisting my fiancés arm into going to the wedding? I don’t want there to be any bad feelings with my brother and his wife to be, he can be picky and sensitive. Also in my family, family always comes first no matter what so there will be a lot of questionable thoughts on her being inconsiderate for missing the wedding for bridal shower. How do I convince her or come to terms that she is missing a major event for our family?
I don’t mind flying to see her friend any other day; we are going international and spending a lot of money to go her wedding whom I never met because it means a lot to my fiancé.

7 Comments

Latest activity by CM, on February 18, 2023 at 3:41 PM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    The friend lives in another country? At least it seems that way from the post. If that's the case I agree with you that your brother's wedding is more important than a bridal shower. It sounds like your fiancee wants to be a good friend, but unless she realizes on her own that she really br attending the wedding then I'm afraid there's nothing that can be done. You can't force her to go with you.
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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Can you compromise by you going to the wedding and she goes to the shower? Compromise is part of how adult relationships work and all or none does not work most of the time. This is not something you can force her to attend. Understanding is a two way street and it sounds like she is not being offered an alternative except to attend brother’s wedding.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I absolutely think weddings are more important than bridal showers, but had she already RSVP'd yes to the shower before the wedding date was set? I could see her wanting to honor the prior commitment.

    In any case, I think you should be very honest with her how much it would mean to you for her to attend your brother's wedding with you (leaving out the irrelevant bits like how it would appear to family), but then you'll have to drop it and accept her choice. You each get to decide for yourselves how you spend your time. Relationships are built or broken based on how couples handle decisions and disagreements.

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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with PP above. But, it's important to get in the mindset that you two (2) are family, everyone else is extended family. It doesn't matter how others do things ("family first") because you and your fiance are now a team and should make decisions together. Drawing boundaries with others now will prevent conflicts later.
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  • P
    Paul ·
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    Thank you this helps a lot!


    I’ll go ahead with this approach I would hate for her to feel guilty either way.
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  • P
    Paul ·
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    I think it would have to come to that I don’t want her to feel guilty for canceling on her friend. Yeah I feel bad that I put her between these two hard choices
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  • C
    CM ·
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    To be very honest, I don't see how this is even a question. This is her future BIL and SIL's wedding. A bridal shower is nice and all, but it's only meant to be a minor, low key pre-wedding event. I don't think it's a hard choice at all. Any good friend would or should understand. I understand the whole bit about how an invitation doesn't obligate one to a command appearance, but this is immediate family. I'd be hurt in their place, too.

    Also, if your brother just announced his date, unless it's a last minute affair, bridal shower invitations shouldn't even be going out any time soon. I can understand being disappointed if your fiancé is in the wedding party and had intended to be involved, but sometimes these things happen. Can they change the shower date if it's far enough in advance?

    I have to disagree with PP. Sometimes it's OK to make your case.

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