My fiance is invited to a wedding as well a girl who flirted with my fiance

My FH wouldn't go to a wedding I wasn't also invited to... does the couple know your engaged? If so, is there an issue between you and them? Just seems off and rude that they would do that to begin with.... did your fiance verify that there are no plus ones? Maybe they expected him to bring you as the plus but only listed him since your not married?

He should not attend if you aren't invited. I would have doubts about the whole thing if he attends without you. That's just wrong

ETA: Haven't read all the comments yet

Honestly, I wouldn't be concerned about *her* making a move. By the sounds of it, he probably would.

I'm sorry, but when you've been with someone seven years and then you're texting another woman at 2AM and hiding that fact from your partner, that's a 5-minute major in my book. I have no problem with FH having girls as friends, as he has no issues with me having guy friends, but if the conversation is innocent, why hide it?

Also, when he self-describes himself as the type that's not going to ignore a girl who gives him attention, even though he's been (as of now) in a nine-year relationship with someone he plans to marry? Yeah, I'm adding a 10-minute game misconduct for that. If he were "too nice", he'd politely turn down their advances, out of respect for his relationship with you.

I don't think this other woman is the problem here. I think there's a trust issue between the two of you based on his actions with her in the past. I hope you two work out these issues in couples' therapy. I think it'd be beneficial in your situation.

What is a secondary sponsor for someones wedding?

Too nice? What doesn't sound too nice is the fact that he was texting another woman and hiding it from you. What doesn't sound too nice is the fact that he doesn't feel insulted that you aren't invited to the wedding.

"Though my fiancé has always denied anything between them" .... there WAS something between them. There was secret texting. There was an emotional relationship, if not a physical one.

I was once (when I was younger and greener) the other woman - nothing physical ever happened, but there were some incredibly inappropriate and sexually explicit texts sent. Yes I am ashamed. The point is, that although nothing physical ever happened, it was an emotional relationship.

I would definitely recommend couples counselling, and I would definitely be insulted that you were not invited to the wedding and that he feels happy to go without you being invited.

My fh would not go to a wedding that I wasn't invited to

I don't see how your FI is "too nice" I actually think he is being a total jerk... perhaps he is too nice to other people but certainly not to you.

Yes it is very rude of that couple to invite him and not you, but if he attends then he is equally as rude? Why would he ever want to spend time/money on a couple celebrating their marriage when clearly they don't consider your relationship. I don't care if this is a tiny wedding, you are engaged and been together for years if they can't invite you both then they should not invite either one.

Also clearly this girl is still an issue as this is causing a lot of stress for you, which I get but frankly why he is going ESPECIALLY with this girl present is beyond me... seems like he is not taking your feelings into account at all.

If I had a past with someone and made a mistake I would never attend a wedding where they would be without my FI by my side.. why? Because I would hate to upset or stress out my fiance while I am out at a wedding and he's sitting home thinking about this over and over.

You both need counselling and if I were you I would think long and hard before entering a marriage with someone who I don't think puts your first at all.

Best of luck

If that happened to DF he would not go not because I don't trust him but I find it very rude to invite someone who has a partner. My DF have turned down a wedding invite cause I didn't felt comfortable who was going and I just felt I wouldn't enjoy my night if we all sat on the table together.

Explain how you feel to your DF and see what he say

@Kate, I think you're spot on. A nice person doesn't need to go around telling people they're nice. Their actions will show that.

Why in the name of all things holy are you not invited?

"Though my fiancé has always denied anything between them, I have always felt there was something going on. I've caught them texting each other at 2AM YEARS AGO and have hidden it from me, and more." And you're worried about someone else's wedding?

And if he is "too nice" that should mean he is the nicest to you.

Thank you Kate xoxox

1) Its extremely rude for your FH to be invited to a wedding without you. Like, one of the WORST breaches of etiquette. Your FH needs to ask for your to be included and should decline if you aren't invited. (No idea what a "secondary sponsor" is). This rudeness is separate from the issue with the girl.

2) The fact he lied about his involvement with her before you all got together and lied about texting her at 2am after you all were together tells me that he probably cheated on you with her. If he didn't cheat, he probably was sexting or otherwise inappropriate behavior for a guy in a relationship which is why he hid/downplayed his involvement with her. When I was dating, I would often keep my options open and continue to communicate with exes so I think this is very likely what your FH was doing. I have been cheated on in the past AND (ashamed to say but being honest) have cheated on boyfriends in the past, so speaking from experience -- where there is smoke, there's fire. However, if there has been many years between that incident and your relationship now, and haven't been issues since, its not something I would not get married over. There is one specific ex that I had a long on-off relationship with, where when I was first with FH, I was careful not to be in situations with ex where FH wasn't there, because I knew that I would probably give into temptation, especially if there was drinking involved. If there has not been contact/communication with this woman in many years that doesn't mean that there might not still be an issue with this. Its time to be honest with your FH -- you do not feel comfortable with him going somewhere where this woman will be and you aren't there. You don't feel comfortable because you feel that he hasn't been fully honest about his level of involvement with her.

Oh Kate, I have some not so youthful ones! We all have some Live and learn from them...

Yeah, not ok at all that you were not invited but he was, not this issue here. Although I would question as to why he was given such a last minute invite, B-listed? Either way, the main crux of this issue seems to be that there is little trust in your relationship. I read your reply earlier in the thread that you all addressed the late night texting but I thought that you said he hid it from you? That is a bigger concern and something that will only feed your lack of trust. My relationship is built on a strong foundation of a strong friendship and trust. It is SO important. Maybe you guys could look into couples counseling. There is some time between now and your wedding to work on these issues. You do not want to start a marriage like this......

While I agree that it's super rude you weren't invited to the wedding as well, if you're this nervous about him going alone to a wedding for one night, there are issues that go much deeper. Couples counseling for sure before you become legally bound to him!

FYI, for all those who have been asking, secondary sponsors are common in traditional Filipino Catholic ceremonies. There are three pairs that each have a different task, such as lighting candles, pinning the veil, etc.

Issues in the past or not, my fiancé and I both would not be going to a wedding without the other. It was completely rude for them not to invite you! He should definitely say no.