My Father's Girlfriend

I think that you should deal with this from the perspective of preserving your relationship with your dad, not from your concerns about the wedding. If you have issues with the GF - with her not making an effort to get to know you and repeatedly declining invitations, then I think you should talk to him about that, and even to her to clear the air. You don't know what was said about your mother and I understand wanting to react sharply, but she may not have meant it in the context that you received it. Sit down with your dad and GF and get on the same page about things before you even worry about her not being invited to the wedding.

I can understand why she's upset. I lost my dad, and my mom remarried a man who didn't respect our family, and his family didn't respect my mom. It was a terrible match, and she chose a man she was not compatible with, who was not compatible with our family over the rest of us.

With that said, it's not our business what was said about her mother, who is deceased and not here to defend herself. When someone who is new and not yet part of the family and they make inappropriate comments about deceased family members, I understand exactly why she doesn't want the woman at her wedding. It says a lot about the type of person that the woman is, especially if she isn't willing to reach out to her significant other's children and have a positive relationship with them.

@Jessica, if you are willing to risk your dad not coming, then I say to let him know as respectfully as possible that he is welcome to come, but he should be respectful of you enough to understand that you do not want her there. Other than that, this man is still your father and you should also try to be understanding to his situation, but it is up to you to set boundaries. Whether you let her come or not, you have to have a sit down with your dad and let him know what is ok and what is not ok, and remind him that you love him and want him to be there in every step of your life, but if he cannot have his girlfriend be respectful to you--his flesh and blood--then it is best that you limit contact or whatever you need to do in order to have healthy boundaries and a healthy state of mind.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Only thing I'm going to say about not inviting your dad's GF is to expect him not going to the wedding. Right now, like it or not, they're a social unit and both need to be invited.

Maybe I missed this, but is your dad helping to pay? If I were you, I would not count on his money. I agree with Espadas, if his GF will not treat you with respect, it may be best to limit contract.

@ Kathleen: When I said the reaction might have been a symptom of grief, I wasn't saying that OP should not have reacted that way or that it was not reasonable to react that way. (In fact, I even said that I thought the GF's comment was out of line.) All I meant was that maybe OP's struggle with this situation isn't all about the GF's comment. I'm sure the loss of her mother and the prospect of getting married without her mother there is part of why this is so difficult.

@Rayla, I agree with you, and the fact that it hasn't yet been a year since the loss of @Jessica's mother means that her dad's girlfriend should have been very respectful about speaking about her mother, especially in the presence of her sister or any other relative.

@Karen K no he is not helping pay for the wedding. My fiance and I are paying for it all on our own . And maybe over the year she will redeem herself, but I think she should try to reach out to me too. Instead of me always suggesting things like lunches and then her not being able to make it and not offer to reschedule

You have so long before this is actually a problem.

Stop even thinking about it.

I don't think she should stop thinking about it, but I agree that she has time before invitations go out before it becomes an imminent problem. She should, however, ponder the situation and begin mentally preparing herself for the possibility of this woman not coming, and thus causing her father not to be there as well.

@ OP: I echo PPs in urging you to focus on your relationship with your father, and to do anything possible to resolve this in such a way that you do not push him away. Since you recently lost your mom, it's all the more important to keep your father in your life on good terms.