My Father's Girlfriend

Instead of telling her she isn't invited to the wedding, why don't you talk to her and your father about the statement and try to work through it?

IMO, she should be invited.

Well it doesn't seem like they've been together too long and you've got 18 months, so I'd wait until about a year out from your wedding. If they are still together and you still would prefer for her to not go, just explain it to your dad.

@Victoria How would you explain to your father that you don't want his significant other there? I don't think there is a tactful way to do that as separating couples is rude IMO.

Couples should be invited together. Also, if this woman is going to be in your father's life, you should probably try to make peace with the situation. Have you tried doing the adult thing and having a conversation with her?

@Jessica, I'm so sorry to hear that your mother recently passed.

Since your wedding is still more than a year away, you have plenty of time to decide how to handle this. The invitations don't even go out until six to eight weeks before the wedding.

I do not want to assume anything about your situation, but when I was in a similar situation I was more sensitive to certain comments. Is there any way this could have just been a misunderstanding? Since you do have plenty of time before the wedding, maybe you could use some of it to try to get to know her better. If you can find common ground it will help. Maybe you'll even get the chance to explain to her that she hurt your feelings.

Hope it works out.

I am very sorry about your mom. Have you discussed the comment with your dad? Is your dad paying for part of wedding. Even if not, I think hard not to invite the GF, but I would tell dad to tell her in advance that your mom will be honored at the wedding, and that while the GF will be seated with your dad, she will be treated as an honored guest, not a parent.

I have to phrase it in a way that my little sister won't get into trouble because he is so hard on her. She gets in trouble let for breathing the wrong way, so I am trying to avoid him figuring out that she told me. My Father is a difficult man. To him he is right even when he is wrong.

She is the one who told me what was said

@Jessica, to be honest it doesn't seem fair to hold a grudge against someone for something they didn't even say directly in your presence. I'm not sure what was said, but she may have no idea that she offended your sister. Sounds like your sister is the one who needs to have a conversation with the girlfriend and your dad. If that's not possible then I think you should reserve judgment for yourself until you get to know the girlfriend a little bit better.

Like LB said, the best way to solve this problem is to have a conversation with your Dad and GF and share what you're feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss.

When you say she is the one who told you, do you mean your younger sister? What an awful situation she is in. If you cannot repeat it, then you cannot repeat it. Unless your dad is paying, I would stick with telling him your mom will be honored, the GF will be an honored guest, but not treated like a parent.

I think you need to invite her for the sake of maintaining a relationship with your father. My dad's now wife almost got my brother arrested (long story). I held a grudge for a long time, but ultimately, I realized that pushing her away was also pushing my dad away. It's not worth it. I think that it would be a good idea to voice your concerns to your dad and let him handle it.

I am fine with him having a GF, but I just can't have someone who disrespected my mother at my wedding .. and when I told my father that my fiance and I wanted to speak with him about her not coming he was instantly enraged and refused to meet us for dinner before I even told him that she wasn't invited ... and I have tried to get to know her .. I have invited her to all kinds of things, however she can never make them and she has never reached out to try and get to know me. It is a very sensitive situation and I would rather get it over sooner with rather than later. Plus I think her being there would be very hard for my Grandmother.

You have 19 months before your wedding. Why are you making an issue about this now?

Yeah this all sounds like a mess hun.

I'm sure you can understand how it must make your father feel to know that his two daughters don't like his GF. It would be so hard to choose between your significant other and your children. No one should have to make that choice. I'm not sure why you felt the need to sit him down and tell him that his girlfriend is not invited to your wedding that is over a year away. That was poorly handled.

I don't know, maybe some counseling would be in order. If you want to repair your relationship with your dad and move through the grief that I'm sure you're all experiencing.

I would talk to your father about how you feel about it. I can't imagine having someone say something bad about my mother and then expect for me to ever want a relationship w her. Maybe after some time when you see if your father and her last you can give her another chance. But as of I now I would just tell your dad how she makes you feel and you don't want that energy on the most important day of your life.

I would like to know what she said.

Thank you for all the advice ladies and I am dealing with this now because I would rather talk with him now and discuss it over the year then to get into a huge fight with him a few weeks before the wedding.

I would also like to know what she said?

Okay well my mother was sick and had kidney failure so she had to do dialysis all the time, but before that she was the bread winner of the family.(just some background on my mother)... and my dads girlfriend said " well Holly didn't bust her A** at 5 o'clock every morning" when in reality she had to be ready at time to go do her dialysis. It just Hurts that she could say something like that without ever knowing her.