My father's ex-wife (and not my mother)

@surfer Its fine, just clarifying. If I were in this situation I would talk to me dad. Have him tell me why exactly he doesn't want her there. If he had legit excuses as to her being absolutely ridiculous then yes I would tell her she can't come. But if my dad told me he didn't because it were awkward I would say "Dad she has been nice and we have become close. It would mean a lot to me if you could put your differences aside for a few days." He should be putting his child first. Period. I'm sure there is more to the story but unless its absurd then come on.

I don't understand this whole he gave money so he gets all this say. YES my parents have helped pay and they have invited people and asked for certain things but they don't get a say in every damn detail. And I know the world isn't perfect and people hold grudges but after 30 years and your wife will be there you still can't stand seeing her? What the hell was so bad? It has to be something ridic.

Safe to say we will never agree. I respect my father but my father respects me also.

My father respects my as well, but i still wouldn't put him in a position where he is unnecessarily uncomfortable

My boyfriend has 2 ex-wives.

He had 2 daughters with X1. They divorced when the kids were about 5.

He remarried about 5 years after the divorce and was married for about 10 years. X2 left him and was quite cruel about it, including giving his dog away without his knowledge or permission. He asked his daughters to not continue a relationship with her.

I started dating BF about 6 months after his second divorce. We've been in a long-distance relationship for 5 years.

A while back, one of the daughters (D1) told us that the other daughter (D2) saw X2 frequently. While my BF was upset, he decided to stay out of it.

D1 got engaged about 18 months ago. Her wedding was last month.

Although she had claimed not to have a relationship with X2, the woman was included in the bridesmaid mani/pedi party, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding procession, and the dinner/dance. This after a bitter divorce in which she left the bride's father.

I was shocked at D1's utter disregard for her father's feelings.

She also treated him like an ATM throughout the wedding planning and allowed him no say in anything to do with the wedding.

It saddened me that she would use her wedding day to treat her father so cruelly. In the 5 years I've known him, I've never seen him the way he was on the wedding day. I can't find words to describe it, but it was heartbreaking. Her behavior doesn't seem like a good foundation for her marriage and family.

While I can see inviting X2 to the wedding as a guest in the crowd, I was shocked to see her rise from the dead so to speak and play such an active role in the wedding.

The bride will probably never know how deeply she hurt her father. One of his family members used the word, "emasculated." Rather, she'll go her merry, entitled way and he'll be too afraid of her to say anything to her.

While it's the bride's day, I don't see how that gives her license to treat other people cruelly.

Then, after the wedding, my BF told me that I had not been included on the guest list and that he had to insist they add me. I was hurt that in addition to flaunting X2 all over the wedding, the bride didn't want her father's current, long-term girlfriend there. I was also not happy that he didn't tell me this before the wedding so I could make my own decision about whether or not to attend.

Weddings and funerals...they bring out the worst in people...

Make kind choices.

If inviting your father's ex-wife to your wedding will make your wedding one of the worst days of his life, then don't do it.