My father said he is not coming to my wedding

He's probably looking for you to change something to accommodate him and his side of the family, because of your reaction to his behavior. Don't. Is the wedding out of town or something from where you live? Yeah. that's how it works....those who want to attend make the choice to travel or not. I don't understand why he'd make you feel bad about it when that's how it's always worked.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, and you won't be joining us on our milestone day, you'll certainly be missed" and don't discuss it anymore. He'll either get over his tantrum or he won't. I'm sorry this is happening. But nothing steals your thunder more than manipulators. You don't have time for that.

I'm sorry OP! That sucks. I agree with PP don't budge for his tantrum. Maybe he was having an overtop cranky moment.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe he will change his mind. But you're not alone. My father is local and decided he's not coming. He was glad when my FH and I got engaged, even commented, "about time". He's a Vietnam vet and have been dealing with all kinds of issues both physical and mental. If you see him you can't tell there's a problem. He will go everywhere else and do things for his siblings, but is planning not to attend my wedding. I'm not discounting issues that our veterans endure but my father is an interesting character. I really hope your Dad attend. If not, I hope the family members that are attending surround you with love.

Uh that is just weird. Then he can just decline I guess but any father who can afford to travel would do so for their child's wedding if they really cared about them or at least not talk negatively about their child's decision regarding the wedding.

Is your wedding a destination wedding?

Yes it is destination. I am paying 100% of the cost and not asking for a dime from them. I know their financial situation, and they are definatley able to attend, however if they were not... I would front the cost...no problem. We are paying for my FH's father and brother to attend, and knew that we would need to before making arrangements. Just saddenes me that all comments are negative. Not, "congratulations you deverve it." But all comments negative.

Oh yes, so then I let him know that if he does not want to make it, then that is fine. I am having the wedding their for my FH, myself and our children. He then said, he was thinking of his sisters and mother attending. I then said, "If they can afford to go to Peru/Asia/Africa Safari/Russia/Spain/Italy two times a year, if they want to attend I am sure 200 for a hotel is not too bad. If they dont want to spend the money coming to the wedding, I am fine with that. I am also the first to get married on my Dad's side, and the only set of grandchildren. So I would think it would be a bit more exciting

So your dad is not attending because of his side's travel needs and not financial needs?

Would willing to pay for your dad's costs change his mind or is it strictly a respect my family thing?

Awww...so sorry to hear that. Let him know how that made you feel and listen to his response.

I think it is respect my family thing, honestly. Everyone else is happy for me and very excited to attend (on his side). I would certainly pay, if that was the issue. Am I being selfish? I dont think so, however I cant help but consider that I may be?

I don't think you are being selfish, does your dad know that you are paying for your FH's dad and brother to go to the wedding? Maybe he is thinking how come they are not paying for my mom and her sisters? That might be it.

My dad said that he will be working the day of our wedding, he works overnight, I didn't say anything, but I guess he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to.

Oh, I am sorry to hear your Dad is not coming either. He should be able to take that day off, you know? Yes, my dad does know we are paying for them, however he also knows they certainely cant afford to go on their own. My dad's side is able to travel and spend 10K per person two times a year on traveling. They are world travelers, and funds are not an issue there. I think he is just thinks it will be an inconvience for everyone. However, should I be a little more important when it comes to my wedding than inconviencing his side of the family?

Very unselfish actually...it isn't your responsibility to cover anyone's travel expenses or lodging. Only to properly host them on your day. You've already gone above and beyond. Don't leave it open to debate.

This is sad news. However people are adults and can make their own choices. Don't let his negativity ruin your big day.