“My Day” vs “our Day”

Stepping onto my soapbox: You don’t get over it. You keep the idea that it is a special day for both of you. Media culture has made many people believe that the bride’s opinion is the only one that matters for a wedding. Focusing on the collective “our” for the wedding itself will help you make sure that you’re cultivating the same feeling for your marriage, which at the end of it all, is the important part. Stick to your guns about saying it’s “our day”, compromise with your fiancé on aspects you both feel strongly about if they differ, and try your best to ignore the noise of people who are focusing on the event and not necessarily the marriage.

View Quoted Comment This! I didn’t get over it. It wasn’t “my day” because I wasn’t the only one getting married. Just continue reminding people that it’s also your future spouse’s day and their wants for the day are just as important as yours.

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I agree. I had more than one person say that it was "my" day and ask why I was consulting H about (insert detail). My response was that it was "our" day and it was important that he be happy too. (I even had to explain this to H at one point, because he said he just wanted me to be happy with decor and whatnot, as long as at the end of the day we were legally married lol)

You don’t get over it. You aren’t marrying yourself. If you were, there would be no fiancé or anything related. Unfortunately society so is ingrained with the idea that the bride is all that matters and the fiancé is background scenery.


It has even stepped into commercials for men’s clothes. There’s an ad on tv currently where grooms can try on and purchase suits at home, similar to Azazie and Cocomelody for brides and bridesmaids. Great idea. Up until the announcer says “the groom will be the handsomest person there” followed by ear splitting record scratch and the bride giving the camera a death glare. It doesn’t make brides look good at all and it perpetuates the idea that men going in are cuckholds for lack of a better term. That’s not how marriage works. What about when you have 2 brides? Which bride in that case gets “top choice”? Because only one gets to pick. It goes down a rabbit hole from there. Other than couples who actively planning together where the fiancé provides input beyond “whatever you want”, society doesn’t care and they don’t want to change their thinking either.

At first I was saying it that it was my day but the more I started asking him questions about things. I came to realization that it is our day not just mines. He didn't have no say in my bridesmaids or my dresses but he has a say in choosing our colors of the wedding. We chose our invitations together and the style of cake and will help in the kind of flavor also with the food. He chose our first dance song and his groomsmen wedding march. So I incorporated him in alot of wedding decisions to make him feel apart of the planning

I believe that it should be “our day” because you are officially starting your marriage that very second you say I Do. You should always give and take each other’s advice and opinions. My FH and I have decided on everything together. Some things like my dress, he has not seen, but I still asked him to show me pictures of what he would like and I thought about his opinions when I chose the dress. I hope this helps out other couples. Good luck and best wishes from the Harlans.

It is not easy when they ask me. I think I get tense and awkward everytime people say it. "It's what you want" always bugs me. It's what "we" want. There of course is compromise with everything that is chosen. That also seems to flabbergast people who ask or discuss the wedding.

I always took the saying that it's "my day" figuratively. Sure, I probably have the final say because my FH yields the decision-making to me. But my choice is to be collaborative about it. I'm going to make the final decision based on what he would like and that would allow everyone to have a great time. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to plan a wedding that I don't want. However, "our day" only includes me and FH. I do realize, especially after being on this forum for the last few months, that some brides take the whole "it's my day" quite literally and you can just tell they're a bridezilla.

I mostly encouraged my FH to say "It is MY day!" as well. He appreciated that because it meant when he needed to stand up to his family about his wishes, he was doing it honestly and not pushing the blame on me and what I wanted. We told each other that it was OUR day whenever we were talking about it together and even when someone said, "It is your day", I would remind them that it was his wedding too.

Instead of trying to get over it I've just made sure that everything I say about the wedding includes "we" or "us". My family knows that FH does help and that I value his opinion. From the very beginning we've both said it was our day and that our opinions matter more than anyone else's. I just stay stubborn and keep reminding people that he's in it too. You definitely have that choice as well.

You can’t change what other people will say - just smile and say it’s OUR day. I have this problem coming from my fiancé 😅 I keep asking him what he wants and he says it’s your day .. I remind him it’s ours! Ultimately don’t worry about it; you know it’s about both of you, even if others don’t. You can try to correct people but if that gets exhausting just let it roll over you.

Unfortunately, I am going through this now. I just let them say what they want and brush it off. After they say it I whisper “Our day” because to me it’s sweeter and a beautiful moment for us. And that little whisper gives you like a love boost of confidence. That’s what I do.

I tended to just give them the benefit of the doubt, because if my fiance was standing next to me and they were talking to us, they'd still say "I bet you can't wait for your special day" Your being plural in that instance. In my response I would always say "our". I don't think anyone ever means it in a "your FH doesn't matter on that day" way. At least not in my circle.

I didn't let it bother me when other people referred to it as "my day." Even my husband did, and that I found amusing! Nonetheless, I tried my very best to refer to it as "our day" in conversation. Even so, when talking about the wedding now, if I'm at work or with people I don't know very well, or someplace where my husband isn't, I find myself saying "my wedding". When we're together, it's our. Just don't get hung up on semantics, and know that everyone means well.

We feel the same way. It’s our day and some people just don’t get it!

I really hate when people refer to it my day. It really annoys me cuz I am not getting married to myself. I love my fiancé he is so smart and has a beautiful taste. I always ask for his opinion. So why shouldn't it be called our day? It is really hard for me to hear it, it irks me. I really include him in everything. I think he enjoys it but I enjoy it much more than him.