My brothers wedding is adults-only!?!?

It's not rude to have a child free wedding. Parents always have options. You can decline, leave the kids at home with a trusted caregiver, bring a caregiver with you and stay at a different resort, or use the services of a family friendly resort to hire a licensed, bonded caregiver for your kids (they are plenty old enough) while the two of you go to the wedding.

Your wife is off base with her criticism.

They chose an adults only resort so obviously kids are not welcome. If you guys can make it an find someone to watch the kids then go as that is your brother. IF most of the family is going it may be difficult to find someone to watch them so if you can't go then don't. Every couple has the right to decide what type of wedding is best for them. Be it a kid friendly circus, an adults only or something in between. It s then the responsibility of the guests to decide if they wish to attend or not based upon the bride and grooms wishes.

Tell your wife that it's not up to her, it's up to the bride and groom, and it's hardly rude to have an adults only wedding. Me and my fiance are considering it.

OP I see where you are coming from. Your wife feels alienated because you are the only couple with kids, and ultimately, their decision puts a burden on your family; however, if you look at it from the Bride and Groom and all the other guests prospective it is likely what worked best for the majority. Unfortunately, these decisions are not easy ones to make for anyone. As previous posters have said I would urge you to make it work for at least you (since he is your brother). I am sorry you are in this situation, but please be considerate of your brothers feelings. Also depending on how close you are with your brother maybe you could discuss it with him. Maybe you can find a close by family friendly resort and stay there (and maybe invite a close friend to watch your children for the day of the wedding) ... I think if it is truly important for you to attend then you will be able to find a way.

A couple is allowed to have an adults-only wedding. It's not rude and is actually more common these days. In my opinion, to skip a family member's wedding day because of their choice of kids/no kids is very hurtful (unless you can't leave a child at home due to illness, disability, etc.) and missing the wedding could end that relationship.

My wedding is adults only. Ultimately my fiancé and myself decided that although it may stop some from coming we wanted those in adults in attendance to be fully there without having to worry about what the kids are doing/distractions from some of the younger kids. However, I will say that at a destination wedding at an adults only resort is kind of unfair. You're going from needing a baby-sitter for a few hours to needing someone who isn't family (in your case) to watch your kids for 3+ days. I don't think they singled you out personally in their decision but I can understand your frustration.

In general, I'd say that couples can have adults-only weddings, so long as they are gracious about people declining based on issues with child care. And when it's a DW, a lot of people will have issues with child care. (It's one thing to find a babysitter for an evening, quite another to find one for a weekend or more.)

But I do think it's unkind when this means excluding his own brother. Plus, given that you are the only ones with kids, it's not like it would be a huge increase in the cost. If I were him, I'd simply give the reasons you might not want to bring your kids (e.g., the resort is on the edge of a cliff, and I'm nervous about your kids falling off), and then leave the decision to you.

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I'm not a fan of trying to guilt trip a couple into doing things against their wishes. Like when a person says, "My aunt said she won't come if her grandkids can't come" and we all say "Too bad, tell her to stay home".... He said they have the means to get care for the kids, but don't want to.

I have a destination wedding in Mexico to attend as well, but I have no kids.
It is their wedding and it's not really rude, or at least it's not their intention.. most people without kids are annoyed with kids at weddings and want a party vibe. If i could have my way i would have a no kid wedding. Fh has 23 kids on his side but I cannot bc his family would be offended as well.
Maybe you can take the kids to the vacation but they can hang back at the hotel the day of the wedding? I can see and understand that your wife thinks its rude and is offended but this is your brother. So she should get past that bc of that. It sucks but you shouldn't miss it and as your wife I'm sure you want her there and she should be there to support you and your family. I'm sorry! I wish you luck 😁

Why are you not sure what to make of it? Do you think your brother should have chosen his venue solely based on the fact that you have children? Your wife, has every right not to want to leave her kids but if it's out of stubbornness or pride, then she's being immature. If you can go, get a babysitter and have a lovely adults weekend you should. If your wife just doesn't want to go because she thinks its rude, I would highly consider going without her and supporting your sibling. They are getting married, starting a new life together and would like your support and encouragement and shouldn't have to plan their celebration around your two children.

It's not rude at all, it's actually very common. So much so, that my FH and I decided to have kids at our wedding and I distinctly remember someone lecturing me that "weddings aren't for children" LOL.

We are having a destination wedding in New Orleans and we decided to make it adults only for a few reasons....

1. its New Orleans, the French Quarter, Bourbon Street... if you have been there you would understand why we decided "adults only"

2. licensing for the venue... some venues aren't able to accommodate children due to liquor licensing/laws

3. it was hard for us to justify spending $45/head on children

This was an issue for some of our guests and we have aunts and uncles that are not coming because of it... But nobody was angry about it or expressed any issues. People were understanding and we also understand that adults only does impact some people with kids and may also impact their decision about attending. No hard feelings from either side and I don't think there is anything rude about it.

It's not rude, and the decision to have a child free wedding had nothing to do with your children, I'm sure.

If she doesn't want to leave her children, that's understandable. But she's incorrect in thinking it's rude.

It's not rude-- it's their wedding and they just want a kids-free evening of celebration. It's not personal toward your kids. The bride and groom can't be expected to accommodate everybody's everything. They are having the kind of day they want and it's up to your wife whether she wants to respect that or not.

It's not rude to not include children at a wedding being held at an adults only resort. It probably was not done maliciously to exclude your kids on purpose and I'm sure they love their nieces/ nephews and weren't trying to hurt their feelings or your wife's.

View Quoted Comment Hi James. I can see where your wife is coming from, but it's actually not rude to exclude the only two kids in the whole family. Your brother and his future spouse get to decide who to invite and who not to invite, and they made a decision not to include children. And while it may be an inconvenience and/or hurt your feelings, that's their decision and they don't have to invite your children.

While it's upset your wife, and it's unfortunate your kids aren't invited, think about the long term - how will everyone feel if she protests the wedding and doesn't go? Will it strain relationships? I'm not sure the answer here, but hopefully cooler minds can prevail and you guys can figure it out!

We're doing an adults-only destination wedding, but we made an exception for immediate family, so our first cousins are invited. It's up to the couple, of course- at first we considered not inviting them depending on the venue. Thankfully our venue was in-budget enough to include them (10 of our 50 guests are first flippin cousins), but if it wasn't, I was pretty much banking on aunts and uncles not being able to attend because they wouldn't want to leave their kids (I was more okay with that than FH was). I'm sure they really wanted this venue- enough to realize that it may result in you not attending.

I wouldn't say it's rude, exactly, but I can see why your wife isn't really happy with it. Cutting kids is great to keep costs down and the event more in-check.

This is not rude at all. A lot of people, including myself, do not invite children. A lot of this has to do with budgeting reasons. If you're offended by this, stay home. If you were looking to make a vacation out of it, then that's actually pretty crappy considering how it's someone else's wedding. It's not about you and your feelings - to be honest. The adult-only resort was most likely the best option for relaxation for the bride and groom. Your children are 8 and 12. It's not like you have an infant and weren't allowed to bring him/her. He is your brother. It's not fair of your wife to put them in that situation.

Its really not uncommon to have adults only weddings. Some couples make it like a date night.

I think the fact that your wife is taking this personally is a little bit on the bratty side & a bit self-centered tbh. This is your brother & his soon to be wife’s day & they are celebrating it how they want. It is arrogant to assume their decisions are against you & your family on purpose. I don’t want children at my wedding either, love the kids just not on that day. I want my guests (& us) to fully enjoy everything we’re spending so much $ on & not babysitting/worrying about the event being age appropriate. Not to mention the insane expense for kid friendly meals/entertainment. I urge you not to take offense & celebrate your brother’s big day with him just as he did for you. Good luck!