My bridal party is stressing me out

I wouldn't ask anyone until at least the beginning of the new year. Things may also change by then. But it sounds to be like your work best friend doesn't want you to have any friend other than her, which isn't healthy. I'm not sure what exactly you mean by "unofficially asked her to be MOH", but if you've already asked her, it would definitely damage your relationship to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid or out of the bridal party altogether. But that's a choice you'll have to make. To me, she sounds like a toxic person based off of the behavior you described, so I could understand not wanting her to be a part of things anymore. I think you'll just have to be prepared for the consequences of any decision you make unfortunately Best of luck to you!

Sounds like the work friend is jealous. I personally would not ask a friend I've only known for three months to be in my wedding. I would probably continue planning and if you want your long term bff to be the maid of honor ask her. Your work friendship is still relatively new and may change by next year. If you ask the work friend to be a bridesmaid and she declines, you will have an answer on how strong your friendship is. Yes you have to see her everyday but it is YOUR wedding and if she chooses not to be in the bridal party the choice will be hers. Real friends support each other and shouldn't be jealous of your other friends. Also consider that she is causing "drama" this early in the planning phase. Will she cause more down the line? Will you be willing to deal with your friend when she isn't happy about another decision you made.

There's no officially or unofficially. If you told her, in any way, that she was your maid of honor, then you can't blame her for feeling like she's on the back burner now that your old BFF is back in the picture. Asking her to step down is definitely a friendship ending move.

I wouldn't ask her yet. I probably made a mistake in asking too early. But I recently ended a friendship with one of the girls that was supposed to be a bridesmaid. I realized it wasn't a healthy friendship and got out of it. I wish I wouldn't have asked till around this time of the year because it really put everything in perspective. But I'm so happy I have my other girls to support me.

I would look at this as a friendship problem. Do you want to continue the friendship? As PPs said, asking her to step down will likely destroy the friendship

You definitely already asked her, even without a "cute box of gifts". That said, if you want to end the friendship, then you are in the clear to tell her you have changed your mind about who your MOH will be. I can certainly see why you wouldn't want to be friends with this person any more, but just be aware that there might be consequences at work.

For anyone reading who hasn't chosen their bridal party yet, this is a good warning not to choose work friends and not to chose anyone of a very short acquaintance.

I agree with what some of the other ladies said. Regardless if you did it with a cute gifts you basically told her she was your maid of honor and maybe she feels like now she is going to be out since you and your BF reconnected. Think about is this way? How would you feel if your FH unofficially said he wanted to marry you and then changed his mind because he did not give you a ring. Would you feel that since he did not officially propose with a ring it does not count? I am not trying be a jerk and I am sorry you are in this predicament but we are women and we take things to heart. I would be horribly upset if someone told me I was maid of honor and then took it back...in fact that did happen to me with a good friend of mine and realistically I was more there and reliable than her MOH down to the rehearsal dinner before the wedding. I never showed I was upset but 9 years later I always hold a back seat to this woman when at times she has not been a good friend so now that it is my wedding I do not feel the need to include her in important things like even dress shopping...even if she would love to because that is always in the back of my mind how she would offer things to me and then take it back. I think you can have two maids of honor but if you choose to not have this woman as an MOH then understand that she may end the friendship. I do feel you should talk to her face to face and ask her why was she acting that way. If you two work things out and you want to then maybe have 2 MOH's but it is your day, if you do not want her to be then you have that right but it may be a slap in the face to make her a bridesmaid and she may not take it well. Do what you feel is best but think of the consequences too.

Exactly this. OP, this trend of "proposing" to the bridal party is just that: a trend. It is not necessary and just because you didn't "propose" to her doesn't mean you didn't tell her/ask her she was your MOH. You did. Now it will be a sticky situation at work if you change your mind about the role and her friendship. Some people have more than one MOH, especially if they have a large bridal party, while others have no MOH so as to not choose one over the other (that's what I did).

Hi Elizabeth,

So sorry! Ugh. This is really a tough situation. From what you posted it seemed that your long term best friend was supportive and was all about you when you took her along for venue hunting and your "new" best friend was being a little selfish and too focused on her own feelings. I don't think you should ignore that! This pattern will reoccur through the wedding process and if she is acting this way now, she will act this way when things dont go her way through the planning process and your wedding day as well. This time is about YOU and only you. You should not feel pressured to make anyone your MOH. And if she is actually your friend and wants the best for you, she will be happy with whatever you decide. If she is not happy, then you will she that she didn't really have your best intention at hear. I hope this helps and I hope you are able to solve this!

You could always do two MOH's if you couldnt pick between the two

I would have an honest conversation with the work bff to see what's wrong. Tell her that her behavior at the venue hurt your feelings, but listen to her feelings as well. Official or not, you did technically tell her she is your MOH so old bff coming back is probably making her feel like her "position" is threatened, making her go in defense mode. The only compromise would be to have two MOHs if you want to ask old bff too.