my best friend refuses to part of my wedding nor come to it. what do I do?

I'm sorry you are going through this. I would reach out to her. Maybe there are other reasons she is "boycotting" your wedding and didn't feel able to tell you the real reason. If she is your best friend, make the effort. Not just for wedding stuff but for your life. As a best friend, you should be able to have an open, honest conversation and maybe you can understand what she is thinking/feeling and maybe mend your relationship.

So I've been on the other side of this. I didn't go to my former best friends wedding because of the way he treated her and he had gotten extremely aggressive during fights. I know that having your best friend say no to being in your wedding or coming to the wedding is difficult, it is just as hard for her. Try sitting her down and talking to her about the concerns she had. I personally felt like I didn't support her marriage and didn't want to stand next to her pretending I did. I loved her too much to agree to watch her be hurt. While these situations are different she probably has concerns if she isn't willing to even go, so talk to her and try to work it out.

What were the arguments you had in which you confided her? If it's bad - like drugs, violence, alcohol, cheating, etc., then that's why.

You need to talk to her and let her know that her opinion, as your long time friends, carries weight with you.

She may perceive a problem, she may be jealous, she may be having problems of her own and feel that you've check out to focus on your wedding; I'm not saying this is true, but it may be her perception.

Talk.

If she sensed abuse or control on his part based on your private discussions, or legal risk I can understand her stance. If a trivial argument, boycotting would be extreme. Yeah, TALK TO HER.

There's more to this story and I have a feeling Jay and e-tex hit the nail on the head.

She has been your best friend of 25 years - I can't imagine she's making this decision lightly. I agree with the others who suggest sitting her down and talking to her about it and trying to understand where she's coming from.

The arguments we had we nothing to do about cheating,violence,drugs ect.. the first one we worked together (I was his boss) and he felt I was taking the side of the other manager involved (we no longer work together) and the second was he got picked up by the police for failure to appear in court (missed a summons to testify) and was released the next day. I emailed her not know what was going on and updated her on the result and why it happened. She was all excited at first and even the last time I seen her in march. She never said anything about suddenly changing her mind. She said she feels I can do better and is worried things are going to "go bad" but my fiancé and her got along perfectly in fact they are very similar in personality. She has never acted weird towards him or anything else. Now she has unfriendly him on Facebook. Said before I walked out of her apartment in tears that she still wants to be friends but can't be around my fiancé. And if we come to the city and want to visit I am allowed to come but alone.

That is concerning to me. She has know you for so long and something else might be going on.

Did something else happen? Did he hit on her or try something?

Maybe your FH said something to her that she didn't like. Maybe he came on to her? Maybe she didn't like the way he treated you in her presence. Did she meet him before you asked her to be MOH, or did her tune change after she met him for the first time?

She knows something she's not telling you. That's my opinion. I'm not saying this is true but this is what it sounds like. Definitely talk to her

First **change your avatar picture now that you're an active forum user.

Now, the only advice (really an opinion) I can give is that you probably shouldn't be confiding in family or friends about issues with FH. I know it's hard, but sometimes there are things you need to keep between the two of you. If you don't, then the person you confided in usually ends up not liking your significant other because of things you said when you were angry. It sounds kind of bad to say, "don't talk about your problems with your friends..." but there are some times when it's not appropriate. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive--good luck with everything and I hope your MOH begins to understand and accept your FH.

That was my first thought, too, E-Tex.

This seems like a pretty abrupt change in her behavior, no? You said you vented to her over a year ago, but all of a sudden, she's defriended him on Facebook and can't be around him - it sounds like something happened much more recently that you may not be aware of. I hope you can work this out with her!

There has to be more to this story

My first response after reading the main post was maybe she is jealous or she heard something from someone else that would make her think differently of him? Then, after your second post on this thread I instantly thought he did something to her or around her that she didn't like and is afraid to tell you. I would sit down and make her talk, because no reason except "She just doesn't like him" all of a sudden is unreasonable since she is being so dramatic about it. Something is definitely missing from this story on her end.

She was happy about the wedding and now she's not.

She now doesn't like him to the point the he isn't allowed to come along when you visit her.

Something is up and you need to ask her what it is.

It sounds like to me that she knows something she's not telling you. I think something happened between the two of them and she has lost all trust and respect for him. Like a lot of the others you need to talk to her and find out why she suddenly no longer likes him and thinks that you deserve better.

Something's up.

Like a few before have said, he either flirted with her or tried to get with her in some way, OR they actually did hook up, she heard or saw him do something inappropriate (in flirt/hook up with another woman).

Or she may just feel like maybe he's using you. You mentioned you were his boss at one point. Does he not work, or do you "take care" of him financially?

There is something she's not telling you that is bothering her enough that she doesn't want to support your marriage or be around your FH. She probably feels like after 25 years, her opinion and boycott of your wedding should be enough to tell you there's an issue.

Talk with her and ask her some more questions.

Please talk with her, in person if possible. Something has happened recently that you are not aware of. If it were me, I would be very concerned about this change in attitude from her. If I was best friends with anyone for 25 years, I would put a lot of confidence in their opinion.