Mother wants to wear all white!!

Invitations do NOT dictate what to wear "all the time" , and it they do? They're rude as fuck. (Unless it's really, really black tie, which most people don't even understand....) You don't tell adults what to wear, especially your mom. I'm probably about her age or a little older, and I can tell you that dressing formally isn't alway that easy. If she has something she feels good about wearing? Just let her. that dress is really pretty and tasteful, and no one is going to think she's the bride.

You're being petty and stubborn. This is your mother; many people whose mothers have passed (including both of my couples I met with last night and the couple I married last week)) would have killed to have their moms there, wearing white, sequins or a black garbage bag. I've had several weddings with mom and even entire bridal parties in white. Personally, I think it's pretty.

This won't ruin your photos, though your attitude might. Suck it up, let her know it doesn't matter and enjoy your day with her there.

My future mother-in-law suggested wearing a slightly different shade of the color of the bridesmaid dresses. It actually looks really good in pictures. Don't be afraid to stand up to your mother. She needs to know that you are an adult and this is your day. Most importantly, don't stress. If she throws in a wildcard on the day of your wedding, just roll with the punches. It can always be a funny story you tell people later.

Ummm she doesn't need to wear all white on your wedding day. I would stop her real quick! Just tell her how you feel.

Black camouflage....

Your mom sounds like she has attachment issues. But why did you give her the dress knowing she wanted to wear it to the wedding, instead of offering to go shopping with her to find a similar dress for her?

Must Love Cats, why do you insist on giving advice that breaks the rules of etiquette in every single thread? You've been around long enough that you know it's inappropriate to tell guests what to wear. I feel like you intentionally give people this kind of advice because you're sick of the rest of us trying to follow etiquette.

Maybe a grey or silver dress for mom would solve this. It's between the colors and will still go with your scheme.

@FutureMrsLevchuck, so her mom wanting to wear white indicates that she has attachment issues? Please do elaborate on your psychological analysis? It couldn't possible be that she just really liked the dress, and has difficulty finding other styles that she likes.

Okay seriously, story time.

My grandma wore a white dress to my mom's wedding 20+ years ago. Wanna know what happened? My mom laughed, because my grandmother is ridiculous. And 20+ years later, we still talk about how nuts my grandma was (is).

Point is, it reflects on her, not on you. If she wants to wear something inappropriate, let her. You can't control what adults wear, and if she wears something like this, she'll be the one laughed at and talked about.

What the hell is with everyone in this thread... No voices of reason here.

Let it go.

You should talk to her but its probably not as big of a deal as you think

I get that you don't dictate what other people wear, howeverrrrrrrrrrr my mom and I have the type of relationship where we want each other to look great. And if she's going to look ridiculous in what she wants to wear, then tell her. (I would) also... she can wear any other color that's not white/ivory Or black.

I'd be honest with her and polite obviously.

ETA: just saw the pics of the original dress and the one you're suggesting. I agree, the second dress is more appropriate (and in my opinion more elegant). And it's still white if that's what she wants.

Could you consider adding another color to your scheme so she feels like she has an option other than black or white?

@Celia you're completely right.

Jodi, just let her wear the white dress and enjoy these moments because not everyone has these. I still have my mom but mine and FH grandmothers who meant so much to us have passed and I wish they could come back just for 1 day to see us again.

You're going to stand out. I promise. They'll know who the bride was in photos. Don't worry.

I suspect that many of these people saying, I wish my grandmother, whomever, could be there do not have relatives who would wear white. It is not about people confusing the bride with the mom, that is not the issue. It is just rude. It is making a statement. It is saying in a passive aggressive way, the day is about me. Of course OP doesn't want her mom in white in pictures, it will remind her of the rudeness.

What I don't understand is why OP offered to loan the mom the dress in the first place, I would have said no right then.

I think, Karen, you're reading far too much into this. It's a goddam dress, not a political statement.

No Karen. Those of us saying it doesn't matter are simply adults who know that on the scale of things that really matter, this isn't even at the bottom of the list. Of all the things to obsess about regarding your wedding, this is one of the most silly, and continued obsession about it has the possibility of hurting the feelings of those closest to you. She's MOB. Let her wear whatever the hell she wants to wear. It's not a big deal.

I agree with Amanda. I'd be more stressed about that messing up my pictures than a white dress.

Also, I'm putting a picture of my ILs from H and I's wedding day. Look! White! Can you tell which one is the bride?

As Celia said, I would kill to have my mom (and dad for that matter) at my wedding, and I'd buy her anything she wanted to wear. I know it's hard to fathom, but some of us don't have our parents anymore and this complaining about parents doing truly insignificant things is really self absorbed and short sighted. What if something happens to your mother tomorrow? Are you going to still be worried about a freaking white dress (that it sounds like she wants to wear because it makes her feel pretty and close to you)?

So everyone ... I love my mom and didn't ask for a huge debate over the dress, just wanted some advice on how to deal with it, she's very beautiful, I am not worried about her trying to upstage me at all i just want her to be in a classier dress that's all!!! I am sorry to cause so much controversy over a dress that I actually bought for myself!!!

It's kind of a faux pas for anyone to wear white to a wedding (beside the bride).

How I handled this:

Mom: wear whatever you want, have Stepdad match.

Stepmom: wear whatever you want, have Dad match.

FMIL: I will be happy to go dress shopping with you so we can pick something you'll be comfortable in, and then FH and FFIL can pick something to match.

^FMIL cannot be trusted to pick her own dress because she would probably go to forever 21 and squeeze into something tight/short/neon. This is a formal occasion and she needs to look appropriate. I will hold her hand through it so I can be sure that she will be comfortable AND appropriate. FH even told me that "you'll have to take her" after her last outfit choice.

IMO, that lacy short right dress is not appropriate for a MOB. It's also weird because it's white (which is a lesser but still annoying issue). You sound like you have some difficulty in having serious conversations with your mom. It doesn't mean you love her less or any of that.

Start with "Hey mom, lets go shopping next week. We can look for a dress for you for the wedding!" If she says she wants to wear the other one, I'd say "mom, I know you like that dress but it's not really formal enough for our wedding. I also would really like to be able to wear it for my shower, which is what I intended to buy it for. I'd really like to share this time together and go shopping for a dress you'll love together!"