Mother in law who doesn't approve?

It just sounds like she has a lot of her own issues and is taking it out on you

It sounds like you might need to go see a counselor. First alone, then with FH. If you are having doubts about the relationship-figure out why. Is it because of FH? Is it because of his mom? Or because of some issues with yourself? Either way, it doesn't sound like his mom is the problem (although it does sound like she has issues of her own that are NOT your problem to manage).

I don’t think you’re overreacting but I also think you’re expecting her to behave like a normal, rational person when it sounds like she has a lot of emotional/mental issues and maybe even some addictions (you mentioned rehab?). You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. What does your FH say about all this?

My FMIL also doesn’t approve. She said she wouldn’t come to the wedding and my fiancé was absolutely devastated. It kills me to see him like that. She has since come around but I’m having trouble forgiving her for how she treated my FH. It sounds like you’ve done her a number of kindnesses, but she’s struggling with her own demons. I know how hard it is, but try not to take it to heart (I’m struggling with that myself). You’ve done nothing wrong, so don’t blame yourself.

Wow. She has some deep, deep seeded issues which she is absolutely taking out on you. She sounds like a miserable person that doesn't want anyone to be happy.

Don't let his mom ruin your relationship and don't help her, ever again. At some point you have to wave the white flag and decide you're going to focus on bettering your relationship with your FH instead of bettering someone's life that does't want to!

View Quoted Comment Alyssa,
I agree on the counselor. I think what bothers me the most is that I feel my fiance and I are not having enough open communication. He doesn't always share the feelings his mom has towards me. I don't know if its to protect me, conflict, or embarrassment. But I just think that within marriage stuff has to be shared both the good and the bad.

View Quoted Comment That's such a good point! So my FH was in a controlling environment his whole life. He didn't stand up to his mom, even when it was hurting both of them. He also witnessed his dad do the same thing. So when I ask about his opinion. All I ever get is him agreeing with me, whatever I say. I think we both need counseling on this matter.

Hi! First rule of having a hoarder in your life is NEVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR THEIR CHOICES AND BEHAVIOR. It's never your fault.


My grandmother was/is a hoarder. We would clean the house out, she'd fill it back up. She once screamed at me like a child throwing a tantrum because I threw away old cigarettes... she hadn't smoked in over 2 decades. I'm of the belief that hoarders cannot be rehabilitated. (Zero medical expertise, just observation.)
My grandmother is now at an assisted living facility and hates it. She hates me. She hates my mom. She hates my dad. She hates everything and everyone.
I will tell you that hoarding and paranoia are 2 of the side effects of her dementia.
I don't know you or your FMIL. And I can't tell you your FMIL has dementia. But I'd guess she has some obvious mental health issues.
You're absolutely a normal human for being hesitant to marry. This whole situation is hard. It's so mindblowing difficult, and I spend a lot of time hating the choices I'm making for another person, even though i believe they are the best choices for her and everyone else involved.
Being hesitant is probably a self-preservation move.
If you think counseling for you and or your FH is necessary, go for it. But let me reiterate, you two probably aren't the problem here.

It sounds like she has severe mental health issues. You and your fiance need to learn and implement healthy boundaries to put your relationship first with his mother.

Essential questions for you:

-Is your FH worth it?

-Are you ready to deal with this forever? (When you marry someone, you truly do marry their family)

-Are you both ready and willing to put your relationship above his mother's issues and opinions?

I think these need to be 3 consecutive yesses for this to work love.

View Quoted Comment

Open, honest communication is an absolute MUST when it comes to the person you are going to MARRY. I was in a relationship with someone who had a ring in the underwear drawer and I left him because he was too immature to have adult conversations.

what's stopping you from wedding planning?
it sounds like his mom has her own issues and your not responsible for that. It sounds like your trying to help her even if she doesn't see it.
how does your FH take that? I know people are protective of their parents but it sounds like your trying to help.
does he want to get married?