Mother In-Law Issues

My FMIL is a piece of crap and FH refuses to invite her to the wedding. They obviously don't have a good relationship.

Oh brother do I have some MIL issues!

My mother in law and DH's aunt got into it at the beginning of the year over some life insurance money that was left to the aunt (MIL claims the aunt killed DH's grandma and forged her signature on her life insurance papers). DH and I weren't involved in the situation but one day my MIL sent me a Facebook message about how DH is an awful son for inviting the aunt and that if we didn't uninvite the aunt from our wedding then she would end up fist fighting her at our reception. It all spiraled downward from there and she sent me a bunch of hateful text messages, to which DH backed her up and she promptly started refusing to come to the wedding. She even went to everyone in the family and told them I was a fat and ugly bitch and she was going to try to stop DH from marrying me (eyeroll). DH doesn't talk to her hardly at all and she still sends him random texts about how it's wrong that he puts his wife before his mother, that he is a horrible son and she hopes that we have children that treat us as badly as we treat her. She's event sent us snail mail talking about how awful I am for him, and how mother trumps wife, etc.

Might I add she is currently being sued by the family for slandering the aunt and they have a restraining order against her, and she tells DH that it's his fault because he doesn't stand up for her. He's embarrassed by her.

How do we handle it? We literally ignore everything she sends or says to us. The rest of DH's family is delightful and we all get along just fine.

ETA: she also had some of her Facebook friends whom I've never met send me hate mail and stuff on Facebook??

Im having some!!! For the past 8 years i thought she looooved me and we had a great relationship until yesterday. I found out that she feels I've put a wedge between her and her only son and that he has changed since hes been with me. Im also too bossy shey says people can tell im bossy from my fb pics wtf!? And apparently I teased him about being a mamas boy so he has backed away from her even more. Im like wtf?? So I talked to her and in a nut shell, I took her only son/child away(he's 30). So I tried to let her know that is NOT my intent and that I would talk to FH and tell him to hang/talk to his mom more often. But this was a total shocker to me. Im happy to see my mil is not the only one who threatens to not come to the wedding. Apparently he doesnt love her anymore and so she doesnt need to be at the wedding. Ugh

My MIL is awesome. She loves her son, DH is her only boy of 5 kids, but she's also very done with parenting. What kind of parenting can actually be done to a 30 plus yr old man? They have an awesome relationship, and so do she and I. She wasn't involved in planning because we live in Ct and she lives in Texas, and she already did that with three of her four daughters and isn't interested in doing another wedding.

I'm actually the one who brings 'The Mother in Law' to the arrangement. Even my actual MiL can't stand my mother. She threatened to not come to my wedding, which I didn't care, because I wasn't doing things for the wedding she wanted (i.e. inviting people, which still ultimately weren't invited). She didn't go to my first one either, so it was no skin off my nose. She wanted me to open my wedding gift from her in front of everybody so she could show it off, and got angry when I refused. She was yelled at two more times for trying to get bossy at my reception and do things that either I wouldn't want her to do, or other people didn't want her to do. So she left. She left early, and without my Step-Dad because she was pissed she wasn't getting her way and she wasn't the one in the spotlight...

Yep, she's that kind of person. Again, no skin off my nose. Right now we're not even talking. Mostly because I'm 40 and she still wants to be in control and parent me, and control how I raise my children. Screw you, no.

eta because I forgot that the site won't let you put in a 'plus' sign.

Girl @Lillian mothers have a hard time letting go on both sides.

Buckle up..this is a long one

My mother in law insisted on having the reception at her house. She did not like the time of the wedding ceremony and wanted us to change it. Then she invited a whole slew of people I don't know to the point where I could not invite anyone I knew. One of the people she invited was my FH ex! Her idea of decor for the wedding was literally one crepe paper streamer and a few balloons. Her idea of a heavy apps reception was seriously like her meatballs (which suck) and frozen appetizers. So when I should be focusing on all my bridal things like hair, make-up etc...the last few weeks I am trying to pull this reception together. She kept changing the list of my suggestions to terrible things no one would eat, "Oh that's what it says on the list". I show her the list "Oh my"

When she asked me about her dress I said "solid colors in light pastels" which you think would be easy and starts looking at garish floral patterns.

When she asked me about decorations I sent her a whole pinterest page of country chic ideas. She goes ahead and purchases in the complete opposite direction. She wanted to have coleman coolers smack in the middle of the dining room. She gave me several options for plates, and when I chose a pattern I like she went ahead and ordered a whole other pattern. She insisted she walk down the aisle with her son. I gave in to that one after a while I thought it was a nice idea and I figured she might settle down after that. Then she insisted on holding a seat for her dead son who has been dead for some years now....we wanted to make this a happy occasion but I gave in to that also because how do you say no to that? I also figured maybe she would be happy about that and slow her roll a bit. I know it must be hard for her and I figured she was so gung ho over this wedding because she is always trying to fill that hole and maybe this would calm her down.

My dog who was supposed to be my ring bearer, my best friend for 12 years and the one little soul I absolutely wanted at my wedding, passed away two weeks before hand. I was devastated she told me "Get over it, you have a wedding to focus on". My dog was such a part of my wedding, my heart still breaks.

The few days before the wedding, she conveniently kept forgetting to buy everything for the appetizers I was making. I finally told her I found that interesting that she keeps forgetting all my apps. Thats when things started getting rough...when I pointed out "I see you"

The day before, she met my parents who flew all the way in from Washington (they don't have a lot of money) and I had asked my mom to come over and help so she can feel included. She basically told my mom she is not needed here and she can go do something else. So my mom left. I was unaware of this happening

That same day we were having a small get together at a venue for the younger people..sort of a pre wedding celebration. Right before we leave I find out the MIL invited herself and her whole family along, we already booked for a certain number of people and had to pay up front. But what my mom said was that the MIL asked my mom if my family had any plans that night and my mother said no. The MIL either knew she was crashing our small party or did not understand what we had intended but either way never invited my mother along. And I would have but was unaware of the take over until my FH and I were to leave.

The day of the wedding, she's in my face "what do I do with this?' "Should I do that?" I'm already stressed enough the day of and I'm still trying to figure out how to do hair, make-up, etc because I spent so much time holding her hand and explaining what goes on a cheese and cracker plate (yeah, you read that right?) I finally told her "I'm having a wedding in a few hours I think its time I relax and focus on me." She gave me a face. She volunteered to host this party and it was a struggle every step of the way...I was tired and done having to go back and rework things...I had not slept...I kid you not for a month..I'm just putting the highlights here..there was so much else that we politely battled over, I was just so mentally and physically exhausted.

We're in the bridal suite and my mom mumbled something about the MIL and started to cry...I had no idea why until later when she told me how she was treated the day before which was with dismissal and condescension. My mother did not want to say anything because I was stressed enough.

The ceremony went beautifully, except when the FIL started heckling me for saying yes at the wrong time. I'm grateful the officiant gave him a good clap back in a very classy way. The FIL also found it fitting to just walk right into the bridal suite while we were getting ready! Thank god the dress was already on!!!

After the ceremony the wedding organizer was taking down the floral spray and decor to give to us as is her usual procedure. My MIL comes running up to her and nastily barks at her that she is taking the decorations. I had to apologize to the poor girl and said I had been dealing with that crap for months now to where I cry every day. The girl then consoles me and says "I'm sorry..no one should have to deal with that"

After photos we get to the home reception she insisted on hosting. It looked like a post funeral gathering. There was no music playing...none. I was relieved my apps made it to the table. And guess what...she poo poo'd them the whole time but everyone loved them. She was no where to be found, the host was no where to be found. She put my prosecco (all I asked was that I have a stash of prosecco..not even expensive prosecco..its just what I like) in the community pool of wine. All the apps which were supposed to be timed as if it were served as courses was all out at once..except for the hot apps which were now drying out in chaffing dishes..they should have been out an hour before we got there. She slaps them out two hours late...no one ate them. Then we put the cake out. She insisted on a champagne toast that she was going to give. Half the people got champagne (it was terrible anyway, they lucked out) and when someone was like who wants to give a speech..she stands there with a look. So my husband did it. No one ever put out our parting gifts so we have a whole basket of those sitting around.

She told me she is keeping all the decorations that I paid for, even the garland that took me days to make...and the spray to the archway for the ceremony.

The top tier cake that we are supposed to save...she smashes down foil on it so when we tried to put it in the freezer later was just a mess and we threw it out.

Later I hear that at the reception, my whole family was ignored and it was only when I finally get there that I told them to go get food..that was two hours in, my parents sat there alone with my mom's friend of the family who flew all the way there who is disabled...which is another horrible story. Last one I think. They were supposed to follow the FIL back to the house and he drove too fast they could not keep up and almost got lost (again..they don't live here). The MIL and FIL race through the garage which is cluttered with food and equipment and leave a disabled woman to amble through the maze of their garage. I'm just beside myself. This woman was a second mother to me but in the past six months it has been a tug of war with her and my husband defends her but quite frankly we stopped discussing it because what can he do, he's stuck in the middle. I can overlook a lot of the little convenient "oh I forgot" crap up to and during the wedding, but when my family comes all the way out here and are blatantly ignored and out cast...I'm a little ticked off and that...I cant forget that.

Sorry, I had to vent. I guess I am not the only one who thought everything was going fine with the MIL and suddenly the wedding changed everything.

I don't have a mother-in-law but I do have issues with my own mother. My mother is controlling and abusive and I'm in therapy for her issues. I wish I met my mother in law but she passed away the year before I met my hubby. I hear she was an amazing person.