MOH unexpectedly booked wedding 1 month before mine

How does she seem to be dealing with things? Is there to help you out thus far?

I would talk to her about it... if you want her out then ask her to leave but make sure she know that you are worried about her and her health its not good to over extend yourself and i really think she will be doing just that... her wedding then another then yours all while dealing with the stress of a new hubby? i think its abit much if she still wants to be in the bridal party i think that would be fair since she already bought the dress but i think that both of you would suffer if she was the MoH and it would be unfair to ask one of you bm's to take her responsibilities and not actuallly be the MoH jmho

She has not really done anything so far. I don't want to ask and come off like I expect her to do anything and she hasn't offered either. Before I found out about her wedding, I had made a point to mention how September was going to be a very crazy month for me w/ favors, seating charts, menu counts for the sit down dinner, making my own center pieces. She didn't offer to help. Perhaps b/c she knew she was not going to be around.

Jmo ---- That was exactly what I was going to tell her. That I don't feel comfortable having her worry about my wedding b/c her wedding deserves her undivided attention. And I also don't want the other bm's to handle everything but then have the 'MOH' stand as my #1 behind me at the wedding.

Yes, she will be back before my wedding and yes the other wedding is before mine. So it will be her wedding, her honeymoon, the other wedding and then mine a week later.

I don't believe in choosing your wedding party according to how much "work" you expect to get out of them but rather because of the role they've played in your life. If your genuine concern is that she might be taking on too much then speak to her about it. Ask her if she is up to the challenge in light of her recently planned wedding and let the option be hers.

Im kinda in the same situation as well...well kinda. I am getting married 9/3/10 and my MOH is getting married 10/3/10. She booked hers a month after mine. I dont see what the big deal is, honestly. My wedding is all inclusive so i dont have 2 worry about making center pieces & menu cards or seating charts. On the other hand she is making all her center pieces and favors. I will be there to help her, no questions asked.

If your gf is really a good friend she will make it happen. maybe she doesnt know exactly what being a MOH intells? Why dont u ask her, see what she says & go from there. Your MOH doesnt have 2 be the 1 & only person that can help u with this stuff. why cant all your party help u out? If u feel as though u want more of u MOH then ask someone else to be your MOH. Though being a MOH doesnt just mean she will be there 2 help u out @ every becken call. This person should be a very special person in ur life, that is a true friend who has been with u through thick n thin.

The party was not picked based on how much work I expected to get from people - someone asked me if she had done anything to date and I responded, that's all. I feel like she has over committed and even if it doesn't stress her, it stress me out. And I also don't feel like I can do the things I'd want to do for her for her wedding given that its only 1 month before mine.

Melisa has she asked you to be part of her wedding party? The bottom line is she knew when your wedding was when she scheduled her own. So if you are not able to help her out, that's just something that she has to accept b/c she set her date so close to yours. But I do understand being concerned b/c you want your wedding to be as perfect as possible.

She must be a good friend if you asked her to be your MOH. If you kick her out of your wedding because she is now planning her own wedding before yours---you will risk losing her as a friend.

As long as she is able to be at your wedding, and stand up for you on your one day---well, isn't that enough? I'd be grateful just to have my friends able to be there!!

I agree with Rachel. It does sound like your MOH is going to have a busy month but you obviously chose her to be your MOH because she is close to you. All my attendants are from OOT and really can't help me with anything. That's fine. They aren't required to do anything and I am just so happy to have them standing up there with me. If she is as good of friend as she would likely have to be to be chosen as your MOH, she will make things work.

Look at it this way - you could both work on your weddings together, help each other out, etc. Are there other people who can help you with centerpieces, menus,

etc. Can these things be worked on prior to September?

If she is such a good friend, just go with the flow. If not, I think you risk ruining the friendship.

So you are scared of her help not being there? Or you're not sure if she'll make it back from her honeymoon in time to attend your wedding?

You're wedding is one whole month away it's not the same day or even the same weekend I would understand.

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I can just suggest do not stress over it. As long as she gets the dress you want her too, and shoes and whatnot, she doesn't really have to anything else but show up and be there for you that day. yes it may be heart breaking in the end, but there is no actually rule on a MOH of bridesmaid to drop their life surrounding your wedding. Sorry. Not trying to be rude or mean. You could simply talk to her about it. Bring up whatever issues you may be feeling. Don't worry about others saying to make her not be apart of your party. That would just be all out rude to drop her like that.

She's your moh for a reason, you should be able to talk to her, so talk to her about whatever you have on mind, and go from there...

GOOD LUCK

Sorry I should have read before I posted---I do that alot*

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Ok soo I just basically skip the top part of my questioning.. and just talk to her about it... I'll stick with telling you not to stress over it.. If she feels she can handle all that then good for her. IF you aren't giving her a mile long list, then thats good too.. So, politely give her the option, allowing her to know you're ok if she feels the need to back down from being your MOH, but my no means kick her out of your wedding party.

I don't expect my MOH to do anything prior to the wedding other than to grab me by the collar to keep me from going off on a tangent (ex: I wanted to buy an extra dress for the rehearsal that cost $600). She helps to keep me grounded - but she's also OOT & hugely pregnant.

More than anything else, I would be concerned about your MOH's stress levels. How will she feel if she is being pulled in so many directions? I know that a lot of people (my bff is one of them) tend to allow themselves get over extended because they don't want to say no. Stress does kill, so is there any way that you can help to alleviate some of that stress while still keeping her in your WP?

I'm with some of the other ladies here. You asked her to be your MOH because she is someone you care for and want to stand with you on your day. I see no reason to change that now. At a minimum, the only tasks of a MOH is to buy the dress, show up for fittings, the rehearsal, and the ceremony/reception. Everything else that they tend to do is a gift of their time (and sometimes money) to us.

Keep her in your wedding party. Expand the pool of people who can help you get those last minute tasks done. You can look outside of your bridal party too. I only have my MOH, no bridesmaids. My other friends & family have made it perfectly clear to me that they want to be helpful and involved. You don't have to do it alone, your MOH doesn't have to do it, I'll bet you've got a great support group just waiting to be tapped into.

I think you have already made up your mind. It's a little strange though. I would be upset that my MOH didn't tell me that she was planning her wedding also. Like friends you count on, but who are secretive. I know friends like that and more and more, it doesn't feel like a two street, y'know? I always believe in having a smaller wedding party. So I would keep her involved but not as a MOH or bm even. Maybe as a helper or reciting a poem.

I don't mean this to sound rude, but how is the fact that her wedding is a whole month before yours going to affect your wedding in any way? Sure you have to take off one weekend to go to her wedding but all she has to do for your wedding is get a dress and shoes and show up. As some of the others have said, and you seem to agree, you picked her to be MOH because she is important and special to you not because how much work she can do for you. So as long as she's there, who cares what she is doing those other weeks? Also ask people not in your bachelor party for help with your wedding stuff - you will be pleasantly surprised how many random family and friends who aren't in your wedding party will want to help you.

I meant bridal party not bachelor party, whoops!