moh Responsibilities -informative read

Super informative and helpful!

These sound like ridiculous expectations for someone who is supposed to be your closest friend, not a paid employee.

View Quoted Comment

I can see that perspective but I do not think it is bad to expect a little more from her than just show up day of. I would also help pay I would not expect her to foot the bill but it did suggest that the bridal party can help. Every time I have been a bridesmaid I have helped financially for pre wedding events or at least gave my time to help plan or attend. I think all wedding planning is at the perspective of the bride and the people that surround her.

My family and friends always do it where the mom plans and foots the bill for the shower but the MOH is the note taker and helps with the games of it. As for bachelorette, my MOH is planning it and my bridal party is chipping in to pay my fare. I have no idea what we’re doing, only when we’re doing it. However, this was discussed before she accepted the offer. Like pp said, it isn’t always the case so brides should be upfront on their expectations

View Quoted Comment

I agree. But even that has been told to be rude. I know my MOH asked and I even mentioned I would love a bridal brunch (which Martha Stewart even suggests) and she offered to host. I personally would help her fund because I am not going to expect her to break the bank. I know brides that have helped plan their bachelorette. I think every group is different and I feel some brides are unreasonable but I sympathize with them then their bridal party is inactive and does not offer to plan anything. I also know as a member of the bridal party I help organize the pre wedding events. I think it is great you made this known upfront so she had a chance to decline being MOH. Some brides have bm's and MOH's that do not even attend events and some say that it is not their job. I started to think that but thought it was still a bit against what I would expect. Heck I have been scolded for saying to make things clear up front. Glad you did that.

It was my job to write these exact articles for another publication for a few years. They're trying to churn out content as they often have to meet an article quota by the end of the day/week. Not all publications hire people to write these articles that have backgrounds in weddings or understand etiquette (modern etiquette or traditional etiquette). This is one of those articles.

I'm trying to right this kind of practice in my current position, but you can't always put stock into articles like this. It's honestly my biggest job-related pet peeve.

View Quoted Comment

I know this is not a literary review but I have seen this in other places. I am not saying that the MOH needs to be a wedding planner but I do not feel it is wrong for brides to expect more from their bridal party than their guests. I also feel everything wedding related is the mindset of the bride and the company can keep. I am not having a full wedding and various friends wanna celebrate in some way with me but for some brides that is tacky and rude. I looked up via google responsibilities of bridal party out of curiosity and various sites say something similar but it is cool if a bride does not expect this from their party.

View Quoted Comment

Again, the various sites all fall under the same category and they're going off of movies like Bride Wars, Made of Honor, My Best Friend's Wedding, etc. All of those movies created tension for the plot by honing in on what's definitely completely optional for MOHs and bridesmaids to do (plan a shower, bachelorette, and beyond) and taking it to the extreme for comedic purposes and to drive the plot. If you've seen Made of Honor, the bridesmaids act downright militant about their "responsibilities."

Content creators are extremely underpaid and are often put under insane deadlines. They don't have time to read through every Emily Post, every Martha Stewart, and even to stop and think rationally about the "rules" they're writing about. Many of them are 21-25 year old women who haven't planned a wedding and aren't engaged. Most of what they know about weddings have come from those movies. That's where you're seeing a "general consensus" when you google these topics.

Honestly, it's sites like Wedding Wire (specially, this forum section) that help dispel the idea that bridesmaids need to take on all of these responsibilities no matter their schedule, financial circumstance, etc. It's even worse when it's a personal relationship seemingly at stake. Friends don't want to disappoint friends. All these friends have read those articles and seen those movies. Sometimes, the bride doesn't even have to request anything from them, and they're already overwhelmed.

At the end of the day, your bridal party is supposed to be your closest group of friends. They had no control over whether or not you and your fiancé decided to get married and shouldn't have to feel like they're on the hook for any big things just because a good friend of theirs decided to marry their significant other.

Side note, to your personal situation: I think I remember you saying you're eloping. Sometimes, even with that knowledge, your friends want to have a party for you. That's fine. That's their choice. Don't use that as validation that brides and grooms can have higher expectations of their wedding parties.

Not a reputable etiquette source. Also not the first time this has been posted, FYI.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I made things clear up front, my MOH was SO excited to plan my bachelorette party and I believe my mom talked to her to see if I would be paying for any of it ( I was willing to, but my mom being a traditionalist said Heck No and would have foot the bill for my end) my mom and MiL are doing the bridal shower together which I think is really sweet. My sister is a bridesmaid but we aren’t close so I’ve invited her to everything but with the understanding she won’t make it to most events. My other bridesmaid has kind of been more of a MOH role in the support system way, she responds more often than my real MOH and we enjoy talking our wedding stress together, but my MOH is titled because she’s been my best friend since pre school and we’ve always planned that we’ll be each other’s MoHs

View Quoted Comment I feel you are right but as i also said I think every bride has a different perspective too and it's ok that as a bride you don't feel your bridal party should have to help plan but being an author that believes in the truth I ask you to find where it stated differently that isn't opinion. I feel some rules of etiquette make sense and some have one - either change or two based on your thoughts and some other brides are personal opinion as well. I could equally say the thought that bridal parties are only supposed to show up day of is opinion as well. A lot of things in regards to weddings are. Just as the debate of alcohol or dry wedding. Why do some feel that not paying extra to serve alcohol is not treating your first properly? Where does it state in etiquette that a couple has to. Truthfully I feel half of these rules are people's opinions and expectations. Some brides don't want their party to handle all that and some want theory ladies to organize a gathering. Again depends on your perspective.

View Quoted Comment Good point. Where a good one?

We went to see Hustlers and I paid for my own 🎟‼️

Then, we went to this “♣️“ and some nasty man propositioned me!


🤮

Sir, do you NOT see this 👰👑on my head and my Wedding date (the VERY next day) on this T-👚that I’m wearing?!

View Quoted Comment Emily Post is a reputable source
https://emilypost.com/advice/shower-etiquette/

View Quoted Comment Allow me to clarify myself because I don't know if I'm coming off the wrong way. I gave a proposal box to my best friend who will be my maid of honor at our ceremony and I did give a bridal box to a friend of mine that would have been a bridesmaid because at the time we were talking about having a larger wedding ceremony and who knows in planning we may go back to having a few more people and of course I would want her by my side. I chose these ladies because they have been some of my closest friends since college so we're talking over 15 years at this point. Also they have been there for me in the good and the bad of my life and vice versa. I chose them because whatever kind of ceremony that my future husband and I to those are ladies out of all the friends I do have I definitely want by my side. Not because they would throw me any parties or anything like that. But at the same time I would hope that they would throw celebration as I've done for them but I would never kick them out because of that. I personally felt glad when they've asked me am I having any Bachelorette like that I said I'd be interested in having one and my maid of honor just say like okay we can plan something. The reason I mostly posted this article is i feel like everybody's going to have a different perspective. There are going to be some that feel like all the bridal party needs to do is show up in their dress and be by your side. Although was in this article maybe that's putting a little bit of pressure on the maid of honor but I don't feel as brides it's a bad thing to expect or at least hope that the bridal party is going to do a little something in your honor even if it's just take you out to dinner. Realistically no one has to have a baby shower but when a woman is pregnant she's going to hope that someone throws it for her although it's really on the parents to get gifts for the child they chose to have. I feel like no they also want their bridal party to be there for importance to because they're part of the Bride tribe. Now don't misunderstand me there are some Brides that get a little too crazy and expect way too much from their bridal party. I personally like the fact that you sat down with your bridal party and you kind of made a couple of things clear that way there is no confusion and no frustration later. I personally think that there are some things that are traditional to Weddings But as we know when 2020 Traditions are changing.

View Quoted Comment It's funny that you're saying that because I just want a low-key Bachelorette nothing crazy nothing expensive and I even told my maid of honor that if we get an Airbnb for her and the girl that would have been my bridesmaid to stay that I'll pay for it. I'm not expecting them to break the bank for maybe what are my expectations but I would love it if they got together and just organized a little something for me because I just want to celebrate with my girls. Funny some men can clearly see the ring on our fingers and still try it is very sad.

View Quoted Comment I'll definitely read it but could you also admit that even though she's probably a reputable journalist this is also be her opinion? Like I stated in a previous post it's fine that there Brides out there that disagree with this article that came from this app. I just personally feel a lot of etiquette rules will just come down to the person. I guess I don't think it's bad if a bride-to-be wants a bridal shower or bachelorette party but sometimes the girl that she chose in her Bridle tribe who usually are the ones that are planned and organized something or maybe even with the mother and mother-in-law may not think about that. But while these events are optional I don't understand why women are shamed for wanting one. Luckily my maid of honor ask if I want to bachelorette party and I know she's willing to help and of course she has kid that she has bills I would never expect her to pay the whole bill. Really I do feel like this site have been very helpful in explaining something about wedding etiquette but I also feel some perspectives are just the opinion of some and not others.

View Quoted Comment Etiquette comes down to how we treat people. It is intended to smooth social relationships. Expecting people to spend time and money to throw one a party is not a nice way to treat people. Looking at it from the other way, standing up for your friend at her wedding and being happy for her is a fine way to treat her. Nothing else required!