mob watching moh and Bride Fight

View Quoted Comment Well is she known for having very over exaggerated Behavior? I would say if she is removed as a maid of honor she may not even want to attend the wedding at all but if she were to choose to step down then maybe not so much. I don't really know her that well to make that determination. I really feel that you are daughter and she should try to talk and figure things out in a nice calm atmosphere.

View Quoted Comment Realistically it would be nice if some bridal party members think of that but I feel that some do not and it sounds to me like if they are really young in age they may not know exactly what they could do as a bridesmaid or maid of honor. Honestly the bride could have thrown a little outing with the girls which could have been fun. 18 days out she could organize an outing with the girls and they do not need to pay for her unless they want. Sadly since the other bridal party members are too young but not to coordinate a dinner out. For my best friend as we're older and don't club and stuff. We did a painting even with a Paris theme then just dinner out.

View Quoted Comment It is on the same forum wedding wire in which you are choosing to have a discussion on. With that being said, some things will be taken a proper. Proper and truth aren’t the same.

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You came here asking for opinions. It seems the overarching opinion is that your daughter needs to set the wedding aside and try to be forgiving of a friend that is dealing with a situation outside of your daughter's wedding.

But to answer your question, it seems like you're relatively set on asking her to step down as maid of honor. That is fully within your daughter's right to ask that of her. However, I would assume that the friend would decline to attend and likely end the friendship. The question is if being unable to live up to vague expectations on a website is worth ending a lifetime friendship over. If they are to your daughter, then go for it.

View Quoted Comment So, I have had 2 sincere posts. Kristen and Katie and I thank them. It appears that no one reads MOH Etiquette before telling me that I am in the wrong. So please forgive me if I not going to spend the time educating on the difference between truth and proper. She doesn’t want to end the friendship. What would you do if MOH disappeared on 18 days before your wedding? The Bride has tried reaching out to no avail. At some point decision have to made. A wedding party needs responsible people. Do we let mourn loss? Do we play it ear? No one except 2 people are giving me actual feed back. I am sorry I can’t get 17 years worth of info in.

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Just because the community on wedding wire says they have responsibilirties, doesn't mean she actually has to. All your bridesmaids have to do is be there for you and buy a dress. You're a real piece of work if you EXPECT your bridesmaids and MOH to do more than that.

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Read it, didn't see any responsibilities that describe what you're talking about and assuming a MOH does.

View Quoted Comment We didn’t ask her to throw a party and yes we did buy all the dresses and all the suits 😘


She volunteered to do the soundtrack and as now hasn’t come through. The only piece of work is yourself. The MOH wanted to have a Bachelorette party over a bridal shower and that was the only decision that was ever made. But the MOH may be to upset to throw that for BF.
So, yes I am disappointed and upset. And yes there are more than one website other WeddingWire with MOH Etiquette. Your on this forum so it goes to say that I within my right to stand my these standards. If you don’t why are you on this forum. Maybe you need something lesser that fits your needs.

Listen, as the mom, you really need to take a step back from the situation. I understand you don’t want to see your daughter upset and maybe she’s asked you for some thoughts, but, presumably she is an adult and she needs to handle her adult relationships herself. Based on your comments and responses here, you seem very emotionally involved in the situation , and very heated. This is an issue, because if you’re talking to your daughter about her best friend the way you are speaking about her here, you’re contributing to the problem stressing her out from both sides...especially if you’re telling her she should “let her go.”


There is ONE thing that matters here, and it is that your daughter doesn’t want to lose the friend. Which means, aside from reaching out to her as a friend, there is NOTHING to be done. She can create a back up plan for music. She can give her friend all the information she needs to be in the right place at the right time on the wedding day, and then she just has to ...let it go. Breathe, manage expectations, try not to fester. Understand and mentally prep for the possibility that she might not be there , but hope for the best. If she doesn’t come, at least there was some expectation management so it’s not something to dwell on in the moment. And if its a concern about guest perception— no one will really notice, even if there are printed programs. It’s just not something guests will be fussed about.
No matter what some Internet article is telling you— bridal party relationships need to center around the premise: friend first, bride second. The bride picks her nearest and dearest to stand by her, so there’s obviously a reason she’s chosen each of these people. She shouldn’t forget that. (It seems possible the friend just needs a friend now, or even just a little space. It’s tough going through a quick relationship and a break up while you’re gearing up for your best friend’s wedding!)Unfortunately she can’t control her friend’s actions and unfortunately people don’t always ask as we’d like them to. But most wedding things shouldn’t be worth losing a friendship over. Maybe wedding planning sheds a new perspective on some issues , and they ultimately decide to sever ties, but that should be carefully considered outside of the emotional setting of wedding planning. It sounds like right now there are emotions on both sides, so rash and dramatic moves aren’t the answer.

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Excuse YOU. Your initial post was not clear. Its okay to be disappointed, but you made it sound like you were disappointed in the MOH--but you did not clarify this is what she had volunteered to do. So, it's understandable to be upset and disappointed because she said she'd do these things.

MOH does not have to be the bride's slave. She has to do whatever she needs to do to help the bride with things that could be seen as minor inconveniences for her and to possibly get stuff done and help with what she can. But she isn't expected to call the venue up or book anyone or whatever. It is whatever she and the bride agreed her involvement is.

Also, It would be "You're" on this forum, not "your." I don't need to be on this forum, I've already been married. I don't need arbitrary outdated wedding "rules" 101.

I am here for the popcorn and to offer insight to the brides and grooms who may need a different perspective.

View Quoted Comment Thank you I appreciate that advice.

Step back mom. My guess is your involvement in this is only making matters worse/ more dramatic. Being that your daughter is getting married, I'm assuming shes an adult. Let her deal with her relationships on her own.

View Quoted Comment Yikes, that last sentence was really mean and unnecessary...

View Quoted Comment 1) This WW “etiquette” is a suggestion, one size does not fit all.


2) I would be HORRIFIED if I was the bride and found out my mother was picking fights with strangers online in a wedding forum.
Take a deep breath and be a calming influence for your daughter rather than feeding the drama. From what I read, both I our daughter and her MOH are very young. You have no idea what the MOH is going through, and all that matters is being a supportive mom who is helping with a solution.

Both *your

Yuck. Your daughter was out of line to tell the MOH that she and her now-ex would both have to attend the wedding no matter what. They're guests; they get to decide if they attend. Choosing not to be at an event with a former SO shortly after a break up has nothing to do with someone's "grown up-ness". You sound extremely judgmental. Good on the MOH's mother for standing up for her daughter, though frankly I think both of you - the mothers - should butt out and let the women deal with their relationship themselves.

Also, it was extremely inappropriate for your daughter to ask her friend to throw a party in her honor, and MOH was not required to do so. All she has to do is get the dress and show up to the wedding. She shouldn't have been asked to do anything else, so it's fine that she "has done nothing asked of her." What the heck is a downstairs soundtrack?

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WT heck are you even trying to say here?

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Just because WW published a listicle of bridesmaid "duties" does not in any way make that list fact or actual etiquette.

So the only evidence you have that she may not show up at the wedding is that she's not answering the bride's calls/texts 3 weeks out from the wedding, shortly after a breakup, about which the bride hasn't been exactly supportive? And you're upset that she hasn't finished a playlist for the wedding that she promised to do? That's probably why she's avoiding answering her phone - she's being asked for something that she's likely not in the mental space to work on, since she's recovering from a recent break up. A good friend would understand that and be supportive of her friend going through a difficult time after a break up, not see it solely through the lens of 'how will this affect my wedding?'.

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You want some actual etiquette information? Read Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. Articles by non-etiquette experts on websites designed to sell you stuff are not actually reliable sources for etiquette information, believe it or not.