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Stephanie
February 2020

mob watching moh and Bride Fight

Stephanie, on February 3, 2020 at 3:05 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 51
18 days and counting until our daughter walks down the aisle and her MOH decides to have another emotional breakdown. We have bought everyone dresses so they aren’t out any money. But, she is 24 years old and has another breakup after a five month relationship. One of considerations the Bride told both the MOH and the friend she started seeing, if the broke up or things didn’t work out, before her wedding that both of them would still be expected to be there, like grownups.


She is my daughters childhood BF and has done nothing asked of her. Either please host a bridal shower or bachelorette party and provide a downstairs soundtrack. Two things asked from her. The MOH, mother called my daughter a bridezilla and only thinking of herself and the most important person was the MOH. The Bride(my daughter) has trying calling and texting her, but she isn’t returning her phone messages.
I believe it is time to rip the band aid off and go on without the MOH. At this point I am willing to put aside 300.00 dress for day, than to be held hostage by an emotional MOH.
Have others been in similar situations and are outcomes willing to share?

51 Comments

Latest activity by Concetta, on February 7, 2020 at 8:33 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I'm confused. You want your daughter to kick her MOH out of her wedding because she didn't throw her a bridal shower or bachelorette, is that correct?

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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    No, I would like MOH to return calls. It is stressing out Bride (my daughter). The Bride has asked for the soundtrack and no response. So the Groom and Bride are having to start a new soundtrack because she hasn’t followed threw. She isn’t being reliable.
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  • Givemeallthepups
    Expert February 2020
    Givemeallthepups ·
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    Has your daughter tried reaching out friend to friend, rather than bride to maid of honor? I would assume the friend is going through a trying time and it isn’t her responsibility to make a playlist for your daughter.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Why is it her job to create a soundtrack for a wedding that's not hers? It sounds like your daughter has extremely high expectations and she should handle her own issues with her own bridal party.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    If MoH breaks up with her bf, why are they both expected to attend the wedding anyway? Is the bf a member of the wedding party? Is he already a friend of the bride? I think it's messed up to tell someone to their face that you think their relationship may fail in the first place, and they both have to come regardless of the circumstances.


    Why is the MoH being asked to create a soundtrack? That is the couple and DJ's job.
    Why is the MOH being asked to host a bridal party or bachelorette? That is literally saying, "I want you to plan and be financially responsible for an optional party in my honor." If no one offers to host, you don't get that extra party.
    MoH is being irresponsible and flaky by not answering calls, but the bride's expectations are unreasonable.
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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    The only job the MOH is supposed to do is support her friend on her wedding day. Anything before the wedding is not her responsibility, it is the bride and grooms. If the MOH chooses to throw her a shower or bach party, then she plans what she can afford and thinks the bride will like but neither a shower or bach party are requirements to get married so the MOH is not required to host them. If the MOH doesn't offer to host any parties, you as the brides mother can host them and pay for them.

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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    That’s my fault for not disclosing that she volunteered to do that for the bride. She had particularly music taste for the dancing. There are some basic MOH Etiquette. So, you buy the suits, dresses, food, booze, flowers and you let young women burn their friendship to the ground because there isn’t time for meltdowns, you’ve got to keep your responsibilities. I mean there is a reason why there is a saying “Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride”.
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    -MOH- Volunteered Soundtrack, hasn’t come through
    -No DJ
    -MOH started dating a guest from wedding after -invitations went out.-Both Guest and MOH are friends of Bride neither should be excluded but MOH wants Guest excluded.-MOH basic Etiquette guideline-MOH 2 weeks without returning Brides calls or texts-18 days before wedding-if this was your wedding how would you be feeling
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    I also believe people need to reread the wedding wire MOH Etiquette. Some of these things are not Optional and should be discussed with your Bride maybe before you say yes to being a MOH to the family. I think it is within the MOB and MOG power to help if asked but not a responsibly.
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  • Katie
    Devoted March 2019
    Katie ·
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    I can definitely see your frustrations here, as it seems that early on in the engagement the MOH volunteered to do a number of activities as far as hosting additional events and creating a playlist. I think there are two immediate steps that you need to take:


    1. Since we're 18 days away, I'm assuming the bachelorette party and shower have already happened and were taken care of by another member of the bridal party and/or family member. What we can focus on now is creating the playlist - I'm not totally sure what a "downstairs" playlist is, but it's time to have someone else get to work on it. Again, because I don't really know what this playlist is for, it could either fall under the responsibility of the DJ if it is actually during the wedding day, or if it's something more informal (a getting ready playlist for the morning of?) hit up spotify with one song that you know represents the feel you're going for, and it'll start spitting out similar songs and playlists for you! I know the bride is stressing, but this is best left to do themselves as it would be rude to dump this on someone else last minute unless they volunteered.

    2. The bride is frustrated, and after venting to her loving mom, you are also now frustrated (and frustrated that you spent the $$ but that is besides the point). BUT a major focus here is also the friendship. This is her childhood best friend...is her not following through on these tasks way out of character for her? Maybe she's having some outside issues going on that require the attention of "childhood best friend" not "bride to be". This close to the wedding, it can be hard for your daughter to get her brain out of wedding mode, but don't throw away a lifelong friendship just yet. She just had a breakup, she's fighting with her best friend, and now both moms are involved in the fight and it just seems to be escalating. The two ladies don't have a lot of time to do the whole "let's get coffee and NOT talk wedding. How have YOU been doing lately?" and I get that, but it at least deserves an open-minded, non confrontational conversation between just the two girls, so mamas step back. See how it goes. As her mom, mentally prepare yourself for the best friend to not show up and know that the day will go on without her and your daughter won't miss a beat because she'll be so dang happy to be marrying her husband. Also prepare to run interference if the MOH does attend - understand the bigger picture and if MOH starts to get emotional or derail conversation, butt in and change subjects to something lighter; this isn't about coddling an emotional MOH, but rather not letting her ruin the mood for your daughter on her wedding day.


    My sister was supposed to be my MOH for the wedding, and we started having similar issues at about 3 months from the wedding...she volunteered to plan a couple's shower and bachelorette party, but was putting too much pressure on herself. After mild bickering escalated to a full on falling out (not so much over the events, but differences on ideas in a marriage, our parent's divorce, etc.) she decided she would no longer be planning them and would "consider" being in the wedding if I met x, y, z, expectations. Up until the wedding I was hopeful she would still be my MOH but the day came and I stood up at the ceremony with five beautiful bridesmaids and married my husband. Was it what I thought I wanted for my big day? No. Did I even give it a second thought on the wedding day? Nope! I enjoyed every second and was present in the moment Smiley smile

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    So I've read all the post and I'm going to see both sides of the situation. If the maid of honor did offer to do something then she should follow through. Even though she's going through a breakup and she has the right to feel how she wants to feel regardless of how long the relationship was, I remember being really heartbroken after being with someone for about maybe 7 months because it still hurt and at the time I thought there was a future with us and he saw differently, but in my opinion I do agree that she does need to be an adult and be there for her childhood friend as she did agree to be in the bridal party especially maid of honor which is kind of a bigger role than just a bridesmaid. However even though there are some responsibilities that Maids of Honor are expected to do realistically unless they volunteer it should be their job. Now asking her to throw a bridal shower or a bachelorette party may not have been the best thing because really she should volunteer to do so. May I ask why you as the mother of the bride did not throw the bridal shower? I've been in two weddings where the mother through the bridal shower and for one of them we as the bridal party were asked to help find games and entertainment. I do agree that the bridal party should step up and host a bachelorette but it doesn't have to be just the maid of honor rather the bridal party can't do it. I do feel that your daughter should talk to her friend one-on-one just to see how she's feeling and to clarify and clear the air about any issues in regards to her wedding and hope that she will still be a part of it because ultimately your daughter's wedding is very very important but it's also one day and not worth ruining a friendship. Now I feel they should Rectify any issues in their friendship and maybe for the time being her friend should just be a guest at being a maid of honor is too much for her. There's nothing wrong with going for without the maid of honor but instead of just kicking her out and ruining years of friendship that should be the maid of honors decision if she can no longer do it. I think on the maid of Honor's in is that she just needed a friend to be there for her and it sounds like she was basically told that she still needs to get over it and do all the stuff for the wedding and she probably took that the wrong way. I understand your stress as well as your daughter's frustration but I think she needs to put the wedding aside and just be a friend to her for right now if she even wants her to attend her wedding. I am sorry to say this but to be straight to the point your daughter's wedding is important to her and you but it's not the most important day for others. Just like realistically at the end of the day my wedding is important to me and my soon-to-be husband it is not the most important day for other people just like I have been there happily for other people's weddings but I didn't consider their wedding of the utmost important in my life truth be told.
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Thank you for your response.


    Bride, MOH and I decided not have a bridal shower because of Christmas holidays and it was more important to the Bride and MOH to have a bachelorette party. The rest of the bridal party is underage so the bachelorette party, will be the MOH and a lot of their common girlfriends.
    My daughters wedding is more friend oriented than family oriented. This is what was important to them. Immediate family only, friends are the majority. If the family hadn’t met either the groom or bride, then they didn’t receive a invite.
    Do you believe she could be a guest without causing scene if she drank, only being a guest?
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Oh we haven’t asked her (MOH) to throw a party. We only wish she would. I am only expressing my wishes.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Honestly, if your daughter asks the MOH not to be MOH, I’d expect that she won’t show up or be friends with your daughter ever again. If someone removed me from their wedding while I was processing a breakup, I’d find them to be a pretty crappy friend and not waste anymore energy on them.
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Also, I am processing with her(bride) that her MOH may not be there that day. And she is preparing for that, emotionally. Of course she is devastated. I have asked my daughter the bride to start on the soundtrack for the downstairs dance music.
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Honestly Sarah, if she can’t do what is best for herself and step away from MOH if it causes her pain to stand next my daughter then she doesn’t need to there anyway. If she can’t be happy that day, smile and enjoy it then she doesn’t belong there.
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  • Cassidy
    VIP October 2017
    Cassidy ·
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    The MOH's only role is to keep the bride sane, wear the dress, and be there for the bride on her wedding day. Her job is not to coordinate things, not to make playlists or deal with any other wedding industrial complex nonsense about bs things that don't really matter in a wedding. The MOH is not a coordinator. She is usually a best friend, confidante, always love the bride person.


    She is not required to coordinate showers, bachelorette parties (both optional parties that are not necessary) and she is not a bad one for not doing these things.

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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Of course she has.
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  • Stephanie
    February 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Incorrect information- should read wedding wire MOH Etiquette
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Just because you read an article on the internet doesn’t make it true.
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