mob dress is too much!

What are your actual concerns? I get that you don't like her sense of style, but if this is very normal for her, I don't really know how you could get her to change her personality for your wedding, nor do I think it would be worth potentially damaging the relationship to try.

View Quoted Comment I suppose it's best to remind her this is a family function where children and grandparents are gathering in the site of God's house. It's simply inappropriate to wear such clothing on the occasion.

Idc who it is that 2nd dress is very inappropriate for a formal event especially a wedding. I understand that’s her style but she can be “sexy” without showing so much skin. I had that conversation with my mom who dresses sexy as well and wanted to wear some very revealing clothes. She eventually went with something I picked out after telling her how it made me uncomfortable and it would take away from me on my day.

I do understand the concern here. Those are awfully revealing for your typical wedding, no matter the age. Even if she were just a guest, it would stand out. Unfortunately she's an adult who will wear whatever she wants. I don't see what you can do in this situation because talking to her about it will probably set her off and make her want to wear them even more 🤷🏼‍♀️

Wow. I hope this is a joke. If it’s not, she doesn’t seem like one who’s going to opt for something modest just because you ask her to. What was the context of seeing the pictures? Did she ask your opinion? Did you respond at the time? If you didn’t react immediately it’s a bit late now.

View Quoted Comment No , it’s no joke! These are dresses she actually has already and has worn out before. I just got pics from where she got them because I didn’t want to put up a picture of her! She didn’t really ask my opinion, just told me this is what she wanted to wear! I asked her if she could go with something a little more low key and it didn’t go over that well! I wonder if I can try a different approach?

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Well, since you are getting married in a church, then that's your answer. Tell your mom what the church's dress code is. She may not like it but if she wants to attend, she has to follow the rules.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Clarissa! To be fair the second dress (the black one is for the rehearsal dinner and not the wedding). Thanks for sharing your experience! What was your approach and how did you work it out with her? I’m desperate for any tips I can get!

View Quoted Comment Hi Maggie! I’m actually not getting married in a church! We’re having a short outdoor ceremony and reception at a country club! I know you said earlier you didn’t think it would be worth the damage to the relationship to try but how do you think I might get it across to her I’m not trying to change her personality but just get her to accommodate? Btw I don’t dislike the way she dresses. That’s just her doing her! And I’ve gone out with her dressed like that. I just don’t really want it at my wedding!

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I apologize! Someone else responded to me saying something about "god's house" and I didn't even check to see that it wasn't the OP who had said that. I only asked about "actual concerns" originally because I thought you might have better luck addressing something specific rather than just a general, "Please don't wear that." I admit I don't have any experience trying to get adults to change what they want to wear, but I do wish you luck.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Maggie! No worries! My actual concerns are that its really not right for the occasion! I mean the black dress might be cool for certain parties but not this! And have you ever looked at photos of a old wedding and said “I can’t believe she wore that!”? I don’t want that to happen here! And I admit I want to be the center of attention! So maybe I can be more specific like you said.

View Quoted Comment We’re not actually getting married in a church. We’re getting married at a country club! But I do get your point! It’s still supposed to be a sacred occasion and children will be there (including my daughter!)

Wow that second dress is a LOT, and I think sparkly silver is a bit rude at a wedding.

Could you take her aside and say you are a bit disappointed that you didn't get an opportunity to shop and bond together for a dress, as this is what you were looking forward to doing? That you also know your fiance's family (or whatever!) are more conservative than you are and that you don't want to start things off on the wrong foot, so you'd like to go out and pick something that you both love? It can still be sexy, but just... less so.

Or, depending on your relationship, you could be super honest and say "mum, both of those outfits are really attention grabbing. You're a young, attractive woman and there's nothing wrong with the way you dress, but it will pull the focus from me, which is not what I want on my wedding day. Can we go and find something together that you feel amazing and confident in, but which is a little less in your face?"

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately since you already brought it up, I wouldn’t again. If anything, have FH or a FSIL(?) chat but it sounds like her mind is made. Sucks.

View Quoted Comment Hi Rosie! Love your approach! I could make it into a bonding experience and a fun activity we can do together! And I can try to get her to get something just toned down a little instead of the complete opposite! Like she could wear a black bodycon dress at the rehearsal dinner but without the cutouts. And I really don’t even mind if she wears a mini to the wedding but just without the deep plunge neckline and not sparkly! What do you think?

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I think that sounds like a great idea!

My mum and I likewise didn't exactly see eye to eye on some of the suggestions she sent me, so we went shopping together. I really wanted her to look and feel amazing in whatever she chose, but also appropriate for the formality of the event and the audience. It was a long exhausting day but I think we both appreciated the other person's point of view much better afterwards, and we found her something we both really like! It meant a lot to me that she agreed to go, and I think she appreciated that I could see when she wasn't comfortable or something didn't suit, and helped her find something that did.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for sharing that experience Rosie! I want my mom to look and feel amazing too! And I know part it is that she still wants to look and feel young. It didn’t help when I had my daughter 18 months ago. No matter how young you are and how great you look it’s bound to make you feel older when you become someone’s grandma! So I need to still let her feel like a young hottie but see there are other ways to do that!

Does the country club have a dress code? Many do. I would reach out to your contact there and ask. They could also call your mom and tell her that if she wears something too revealing or too close to white, they will have to escort her off the premises

View Quoted Comment I just sat down with her and explained how I understand that she wants to look a certain way however I feel like if she wore the options she showed me it could make the focus about her and not me. I told her I wanted her to be herself but is there anyway she could wear something less revealing so the focus could be on me on my special day. I even asked if we could look together and come up with a compromise so she can still be herself without outshining me. She agreed.

Hey Sonja! And I thought my mom was ratchet! Is she single and is she bringing someone with her? Just curious !