"Memory Chair" A chair for a person who can't be there or who died

OP, I'm glad you're open to the rose. You really don't know how a personal item that is immediately identified with the deceased will affect people -- even those who are, in theory, on board with the idea. I promise, it's intense. I've seen it done, and I've set these things up. If a bride were wavering, I would urge her to stick with the framed photo, a lighted candle, and a rose on a table.

Please rethink this or talk to a a few others who will be seated by this chair to get their opinions. My Mother passed away when I was a kid, about 29 years before my wedding. I asked my father ( who was sick with cancer) about the chair and he said " Please don't. I don't think I could handle that. It is much to graphic of the saddest point of my life. I never stopped loving her after all these years and still miss her so much". That was it for me. I ended up with a table of pictures, and had a custom vase made with a memorial saying, the names and years of my parents birth and death etched on it, and our names and date on the back. ( Dad passed before the planned day, but I got married legally early in his hospital room) I then had it filled with navy wax and burned it as a candle on the table.

H's mother passed away a few years ago and this is still a huge part of his life. He had originally planned to have a chair at the ceremony, but we ultimately decided against it. We talked, and also I got some great advice on WW from an officiant - it is a very graphic reminder, and people often have trouble getting back to the joy of the day, since the sadness is so visual. We ended up doing a memory table with a photo and a candle in a hurricane glass.

We are putting a framed picture of my dad with a single rose with a ribbon on it. Some think it's too much but I want a seat upfront reserved for that. He passed away 14 year ago.

I find a chair far too graphic and upsetting. Wedding does not equal memorial service.

I also struggled with what to do in memory of my father. I've decided that a pic in a frame anywhere will upset me & some of my family. I don't want anyone to dwell on the fact that he's not able to celebrate with us. Instead, I'm having a charm with his pic placed on my bouquet & one white lily in his memory. Before he passed, he planted lilies in a pot & every year they bloom. In the end, you do what makes you happy.

Instead of a memory chair we are doing "heavens helpers." One of my sisters will carry balloons down the isle that my FH and I have written messages on for those who passed before the wedding and my other sister is holding a candle. Once the ceremony is over my FH and I will take the balloons and candle then go outside to say a prayer, release the balloons and blow out the candle.

After we will rejoin the party and continue with the night.

@Court2017 I'm not trying to be too negative here but have you thought of the environmental problems with releasing balloons? It's unique but I would personally rethink this.

Balloons are OK, but please don't release them. Bring them into your reception. No animal should die for your wedding ceremony.

We had a chair with a rose for my exH's grandfather. His grandmother was on board and thanked us afterward. Knowing how graphic many people find it now, I don't know if I'd do it again, but at that time for our small group of ten people attending the ceremony it worked well.

I am not a fan AT ALL of memory chairs/empty chairs. It is far too graphic a reminder, and you can't predict how that visual will affect the other people who knew the people they lost too. I had one wedding where the bride had a big photo of her dad in the front row, despite my attempts to dissuade her. She barely got through the tiny memorial part that I do very often, and every time she looked at the chair she started to cry. Never mind that her mother sat next to it for the whole ceremony. It was quite brutal.

Yes, it is about the couple, but I can tell you that if I had to sit next to a chair with a photo of my deceased husband, there would be no joy in Mudville. That would make it physically and emotionally impossible to think about the couple.

There are so, so many subtle ways to include loved ones, from music to charms to mentions in the ceremony, to flowers, even silk butterflies in bouquets and centerpieces. I've had a lot of those recently, and lot of brides/grooms wearing jewelry from their ancestors, which I love because I can talk about it.

Primarily, this is a wedding, a mitzvah. And that's where the focus should be.

But I suspect that no one reading this will change their mind.

@Celia, yours is the advice I took for my wedding and I'm glad I did! I think that H and FIL, BIL would not have been able to feel happy and enjoy any of the wedding after sitting with an empty chair reminding them. Her presence was felt, and I think the memory table was nice.

I'm glad it worked for you Mrs. Nerd. It's such a delicate topic, and so personal; sometimes it takes a totally objective view to throw some light on things....

I also wore my mothers wedding set, and her necklace from her wedding day. I had both my Grandma's E rings pinned in my dress as well.

I will have a memory chair as well with two red rose stems. I will have a picture frame that says " RESERVED if heaven wasn't so far away, we know you would be here today"

I refuse to have my father next to an empty chair. It's a stark reminder to both of us that mom isn't here. It's a nice idea in theory, but it would ruin the day for both of us.

I'll be getting a bouquet charm with her picture.

The last wedding I went to had pictures on a table with candles and flowers. My dad was included on this table. I thought it was touching when asked to bring the photo, but every time I saw the table during the reception it made me sad.

I think memory chairs are a terrible thing to do, honestly. As others have said, they're a graphic reminder and while yes, the ceremony is about the bride and groom, I think it's important to remember they likely won't be the only ones there that day who have a connection to the deceased and who will likely be affected by the empty chair.

I have only seen this once. The MOH had suddenly passed away three weeks before the wedding. The best man carried a rose and walked alone and her chair at the reception had a rose on the place setting.

Several years ago, a groom lost both parents one right after the other shortly before the wedding. In the front row of chairs on 'his' side, he had 2 empty chairs, each with a white rose on it. I saw the reactions of several close family members when they noticed: they were taken by surprise and visibly shaken.

Since then, I've seen empty chairs with photos.

One bride walked down the aisle with a large bottle in the crook of her arm, set in on the ground, and said, "Daddy walked me down the aisle." It was his cremains. I wish I had been alerted beforehand, but I think I have a pretty good poker face.