Marriage License then Wedding later?

Sorry it's long, it cut me off. I've seen other posts that say a civil union and legally wed is different than a social wedding later since that is part of a ritual and tradition. Also, I'm religious and would like to have the church recognize our marriage as a marriage (convalidation). We have told almost everyone that we are legally wed and most people do not care. If we self-solemnized but didn't say any vows would our "wedding" still be a vow renewal?

I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with what but doing! To share ur marriage and vows surrounded be ur friends and family. Thats perfect! How's it any different than a couple that elopes on a Caribbean island and then has a large celebration when they come back or even a couple renewing their vows. You still deserve to have ur special day and whatever kind of ceremony U want surrounding it.

And as far as gifts.... ur still shelling out for a reception and food. So Ovb not required or expected but just like any wedding I'm sure most people will want to get u something. Do u Girl and what's feels right!

So even if vows were never said, solemnized by ourselves (no officate, judge, etc.), were not in the courthouse (just the clerk and recording office), it's still vow renewal? We were never pronounced husband and wife except on the license, so that's why it confuses me.

The clerk and recording office is still your wedding. You can totally do a renewal.

It would still technically be considered one. But if you did it for the logistics of the military I see no issue with planning a wedding and inviting all your loved ones that you wanted there in the first place.

Regardless if you want just 2 people, just you and your husband, or 100 people, do it! I don't see something like this as gift grabby. You actually get to exchange vows and rings and live in the moment of that day so you can actually have that day.

Go for it. I'm a military brat so I get it! You both deserve to have your big day so don't worry with people you don't know have to say about it. Well wishes love

This is an UO but I'm in the military and many of my friends have done it this way. Some do it because they're both military and are coming up on a change of station and the military will only station you together if you're married. Others do it because we were going through flight school and had to move many times in 2 years causing the civilian person to not be able to have a full time job so it made sense to get married right after engaged for the health insurance. Some don't even tell their civilian friends. Honestly I see no problem with this, call it what you want to call it. You even told your friends so you wouldn't even be lying which is what many people on here have a problem with.

Edit: When I say UO, I mean UO on WW. Of the 4 military friend weddings I knew of last year, all 4 were married in the courthouse but still celebrated and called it a wedding. I was only invited to 1 wedding, just acquaintances with the others. No one gave a shit that they were all legally married. They all told their military friends (because we understood) and their families and didn't lie to civilians if they asked but didn't tell them.

From what I understood, getting your marriage license doesn't make you married. It's just the license to GET married. You have to have someone marry you. Then they sign the license, send it to the Clerk-Recorder's office to be officially filed. Doesn't sound like you're actually married yet, if you haven't received an actual Certificate of Marriage from your county.

It's literally no different than people who get married abroad but do the paperwork here to cut out translation/international recording issues. Call it a wedding and pronounce your marriage in your church because that is when you enter the social contract of marriage which is arguably more important than the legal (ie, a piece of paper won't make someone faithful but deep love and respect will, regardless of fancy paper). Also, this is very common in the military and anyone that hasn't had to deal with the rollercoaster that is live in the armed forces has no business commenting on your situation. I'd suggest going to military specific blogs or wedding websites because you will get better planning advice and more comprehensive opinions

Your civil marriage will always be your original signing day with the clerk. Your sacramental marriage will be the day you marry in the church and take your vows. The date you decide to celebrate your anniversary is up to you.

Unpopular opinion on here, but I very strongly believe that military and their husbands/wives deserve pretty princess wedding days if they want them! I don't think it has to be a "vow renewal" instead of a wedding. I think you can choose which day is your wedding. If you want the legal marriage to be simply that and your ceremonial marriage and reception to be your wedding day, I say go for it.

Thank you all so much for your kind advice about my situation! I really appreciate it and does make me feel better about it. Ive been stressing that people kept saying in other posts that the second wedding, or vow renewal, was for gifts or to dress up and show off, when in no way that's what we aren't getting at. If people bring gifts great but I'm not expecting them, I just want them to be there to celebrate and come together.

Also @Michelle B, we did receive the license from the county but we were never married by anyone. We just gave the clerk our personal information and signed the paperwork and license.

What you're doing happens a lot, especially with the military. If you're not lying to your guests, don't sweat it. This may technically be your vow renewal but in your heart it will be your wedding

And it's definitely not gift grabby, you deserve your special day too

Just updated the avatar! Thanks!

@OliviaP the Catholic Church needs bishop approval before a convalidation ceremony can take place. The convalidation is a wedding ceremony officiated by a Priest or Deacon that makes the marriage valid in the eyes of the church. At least that's how it was when my marriage was convalidated.

I am with Lyla on this one. I feel like life in the military makes things different.

My family is military and have made many sacrifices because of it. You make the day how you want it. Yes you might be 'legally' married on the day that your license was signed, but you can celebrate your anniversary whenever you would like. Honestly I feel the family will be happy no matter what.

Are you positive you're legally married? Not trying to say you're an idiot or anything, but where I live if all you did was the two of you signing the license (which is what I've gathered), you're not married.

In my county, you and your FS apply for the license and sign it when you get it from the Register of Deeds. Then the officiant and 2 witnesses sign it at the ceremony. The couple doesn't sign anything at the actual ceremony.

We had a quick courthouse ceremony and although we didn't say religious or personalized vows, we did have to make a declaration. Literally just "Do you take this man/woman to be your husband/wife?"

If you're POSITIVE you're married, then disregard what I said but I just wanted to jump in and make sure.

@lagrosera I'm pretty sure legally we are, we have the license but maybe it varies in states? We never had anyone declare anything, we just signed the license and the clerk said congratulations but no one ever asked "do you take.." and the I do's. But we also self-solemnized and didn't take the paperwork to the courthouse, just signed it there. That's why I feel weird about not calling it a wedding as well because we didn't say any vows or have anyone declare or pronounce us.

@OliviaP I was going to see how the church works with convalidation, not sure the whole process of that yet.

Andrea, I would double check because it doesn't sound like you got married. It's more than just picking up the marriage license and signing it. I don't think there is anything wrong with a vow renewal or celebration of marriage but don't call it a wedding.

@elphaba Yeah that sounds exactly what we did except our license was sent in the mail to us. We didn't have to return it or anything but got a copy then they sent the original in the mail. This is where I'm confused because she asked if we wanted to go to a Courthouse and get the license signed or we can self solemnize and sign it there for ourselves.