Mandatory marriage counseling

We aren't required to do it and haven't made plans to either.

There is always room for improvement in SOMETHING in a relationship.

Going doesn't mean you or your relationship is weak.

Our officiant doesn't require it, but after our son was born, we did couples counselling and boy did that help a lot!

Marriage and partnerships are constant, changing, dynamic relationships. There will always be things that throw you off in your relationship, for us, it was the insanity of having a child and not sleeping that took its toll. Once we had a couple of sessions and figured out what we could do better for each other because we had an objective eye. At no time did our counsellor tell us we were failing, quite the contrary, she helped us so we could succeed.

We haven't yet and he seemed hesitant about it when I brought it up but I really want to go. I don't think anything that could even just potentially help my marriage is a waste of time. No one goes into their marriage expecting to have issues later or thinking they will find out later that they should have prepared better. No one goes in thinking these things or that they could lead to divorce. But look how many people get divorced. I don't want that to be us.

Getting married in the Catholic Church and it was required for us and honestly it was worth it. My FH and I are pretty good about talking to each other about things. However it kinda forced us to talk about things we don't talk about enough. It was also very reassuring that we were on the same page about a lot of different things. We chose to do a weekend session where there were some other couples and the difference between night one where people were so confident they "didn't need to be here" was interesting. They were not on same page about a lot. So where it may not be "your thing" you can at least use it as a way to reassure that your communication is on point and you are at least in the same book with potential issues that can arise in a marriage.

@Lindsey I'm well aware of the benefits of counseling. Every couple does not need counseling, we are simply one couple that doesn't. Im not bragging at all, of course we had our fair share of issues. However, the reasons individuals fight and divorce are issues we have overcome. I pointed out that it's not our thing and I'm the bad guy because we see no need to have mandatory counseling before marriage. I should have the right to choose, just as others choose to go. Truthfully, I have several officiants in the family and friends that will perform the ceremony without the counseling. Thread was created simply to get how others felt about mandatory counseling, but many chose to throw rocks at my relationship. Everyone doesn't need it!

@marion, I totally agree. Many are hesitant to go because opening up to a stranger is quite difficult. I think that if one wants to go, the other should make it an effort to do so. I'm not against it at all and know for a fact that counseling isn't a waste of time.

I can understand why religious counselling may not be your cup of tea, but couples counselling before you get married can be incredibly insightful. Good luck with all those walls.

April; one sentence of counseling can change your life,but you have to be open to the possibility, which it doesn't seem like you are...

The purpose of couples' counseling is not to point out your fault or give you 'pointers'. It is a much different process than that.

But then if your relationship is perfect, then skip it.....

No walls here, just difference of opinion. I'm very open and so is my man. Trust me if either one of us wanted/needed to go, it wouldn't be a problem AT ALL!!

Based on your communication here? I'd say it could help.

Opening up to a non judgemental stranger is not like telling your mom/sister/best friends your issues (which you apparently do not have....) It's a totally different process, and I honestly don't think there is a couple on the planet that can't benefit from the long lasting effects. The tools you learn come in handy (if not vital) and different stages of your relationship, assuming it doesn't stay EXACTLY the same for years. Which it wont.

We are required to do it to get married in my church. My pastor said he and his wife completed the program after 37 years of marriage. They completed it so they would know how to present it to couples that were going to be married. They ended up learning things he said he wished he had learned years ago so they could have handled issues that came up in their marriage differently.

@ celia based on my comments here.......doesn't mean I'm all figured out simply stood by MY belief. Nope, don't have the same issues you may have. So we should go because majority of the comments say we should? There are a few that see no need for it either, I guess all of us are doomed. So many have frowned upon OUR decision and to keep explaining the real reason for this post is a bit overwhelming. A lot of unnecessary back and forth on the topic.

Well, then you got your answer; a mixture of overwheming, "yes we had to", "no we didn't have to but we're doing it anyway' and "yes, and we really found it helpful".

Don't you think that's worth considering?

Lol. You may not have the same issues some of us have until further into your relationship. Our relationship was amazing and open until we had our son and then all of a sudden we stopped communicating properly, spending time with each other, and fighting. All because we were exhausted and in my case, hormonal. So, guess what, having someone say, that's perfectly normal, here's some stuff you can do and exercises to work on together, helped tremendously. But, you know since your relationship will always be the exact same in 5, 10, 15 years, why should you have any coping skills to deal with things that crop up?

We didn't have to and didn't go before our wedding, but we did schedule a couple of sessions of marriage counselling with a therapist this year when we were going through an extremely rough patch and were having communication issues. We only had maybe 3 sessions, but they were tremendously helpful in taking a step back and understanding where the other one was coming from. That allowed us to work on our communication issues at home.

We know each other very well and have been together for 11 years, married for 4, and it was still helpful because over the course of a relationship, things change and new issues crop up. For example, we've both been dealing with a lot of career-related stress that was impacting our time together, our finances and my ability to be mentally present when we did have time to spend together, plus our house was a mess and DH felt that the burden was on him to deal with it because I literally had no time. When he asked me to do something, I perceived it as nagging and it just sort of escalated from there and we kept having huge fights that started with "can you do some laundry/run the dishwasher" and ended with "I feel like I'm the last priority/I can't do anything right". We almost never fight normally--if we disagree, we can usually calmly discuss it and figure it out, but this was a whole new level. Our communication is much better now.

Our officiant does not require counseling. We sought it out on our own just to work on our communication and learn skills for the future. We don't need counseling, as we have been through some rough stuff individually and together and are both pretty open and communicative. Still it's been wonderful and we are going to do 5 to 6 sessions just to finish strong. A reasonable price and well worth it. I feel like the counselor validated some of the things we know we do well and gave us good tips for other things.

We went through marriage classes through our church. They taught us how to fight fair and resolve conflicts. Also how to budget as a couple. We have one more meeting with our officiant. Which will be in January.

We are not doing marriage counseling prior to tying the knot, but we are also being married by a mutual friend/mentor and thus it isn't required.

That said, I've been seeing a therapist on and off, more off lately, for years, for issues of my own. FH has accompanied me to a few sessions do just hear the interactions and ask questions if he needed to, as well as get some sidebar help from my therapist as to how to help/communicate with me when I go through spells. It's been helpful for him.

If it isn't something you want or need now, then fine. Don't do it, and don't go with an officiant who requires it. Simple.

Preparing for a lifelong marriage is more important than planning for the wedding day. You have absolutely nothing to lose by going to counseling. You might even learn something!