Maid of honor

Show up on time to the wedding in the attire that the bride chooses. Hold the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony. Maybe give a speech.

Peoples opinions on this seem to differ greatly. I have decided to treat it as a position of recognition; ie a way for me to honor the friends (I am having both a maid of honor and a man of honor) that have been there for me and supported me most in my life. They will wear beautiful outfits which I will pay for, maid of honor will get hair and make up done which I will also pay for, and they will both walk down the aisle and stand next to me during one of the most important days of my life. I will also be getting them both personalized gifts in order to say thank you for being such an important part of my life.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this. They often also may choose to organize a bachelorette party and/or host a bridal shower, but it is certainly not required or expected.

How best can she help in your day? What do you need assistance from that your most trusted person could do? Some bridezillas are very articulate and detailed in their expectations and others are more chill in their approach. It's really culture and expectations and your preference. You could treat all the bridesmaids the same and have no distinguishing difference.


For me, my MOH had additional duties over the other BM's, such as: Planned the shower. We had to cancel my Bachelorette party otherwise she would've been the Mother Hen of the group that day. Kept the BM's together and informed. Provided cute little sashes for the group. Corralled everyone during photos. <Sometimes family or groomsmen wander off and she kept an eye on everyone to keep them nearby when the photographer needed them>I provided the cash and envelopes but she physically tipped the vendors after assessing their work and overall satisfaction. She was the first responder to any disaster. She held my flowers and fluffed my dress and helped me pee.She gave a speech at the reception. She gave me honest feedback about my makeup trial. She was my witness and signed the marriage license. Snapped cell phone photos of the group (I strictly stayed away from my phone and it was so cool the next day to see the photos she had got!) The day before she spent all day with me to go thru my lists and make the welcome bags and help me pack everything.
Really as much or as little help as you want. If she is already married totally lean on her experience in planning!

Traditionally, they would help you plan the wedding and be involved in pre-wedding events because the groom had no involvement beyond showing up to the wedding day.


Nowadays, the duties are much more relaxed. She will host a shower and bachelorette party for you and stand up on your wedding day as a legal witness. Beyond that, they help as requested but it's not a requirement. Not every bride has a mother or sister to help out where a MoH would traditionally take over. Hence you skim over a list of duties and see what you need help with and make realistic requests without stepping on toes. But everyone knows what to expect from the beginning to avoid chaos and hurt feelings.

I am matron of honor at the moment and i honestly help her plan in terms of giving her insight on how to make it as covid friendly as possible and i give her advice because she'll ask me about how some things work. i helped organize bachelorette and bridal shower and i will make a speech at the wedding

You will never find one definitive list or rule of what the MOH is responsible for, because it all comes down to widely varying traditions, personal opinions, relationships, and individual circumstances.

I think the best recipe for success in the wedding planning process is not to expect or demand the use of anyone's time or money. Focus on the planning you can control, keep your expectations of others reasonable, accept what help is offered (if you want it), and maintain the same level of communication with your friends and family as you would if no wedding was involved.

For a MOH specifically, this would mean being respectful of her budget when choosing the dress she has to buy, not expecting her to throw you extra parties if she doesn't have the means/interest/ability to do so, and graciously accepting whatever assistance she offers.

If you treat her as a friend first, MOH second and remember that your wedding experience is not her financial or emotional responsibility, you cannot go wrong. I wish you good luck with your wedding planning and enjoy the process!

I think it honestly depends on you as a person. As you see the opinions vary. I mean for me my MOH is my best friend and I want her there with me helping me to get ready and standing by my side. Traditionally they do help or host bridal showers and bachelorettes but the other bridesmaids can help too. There are time me and other bridesmaids did more than the maid of honors lol. I think it also depends on the MOH's personalities too. Some are ready to plan and organize almost a low key wedding planner ha ha and others do not think of those things. I will say the main thing is she is there the day of and on occasion able to give you advice. Maybe have her there the day you try on your dresses? Now feel her out and see if she mentions anything about extra wedding events.

My maid of honor went dress shopping with me, she is co hosting a bridal shower with my mom, throwing me a bachelorette party, she will give a toast, and make sure I don’t fall on my face. I did not ask for her help with putting together and sending invites or making DIY decorations. While I would have appreciated the help and knew she would have, I also know she is a young working mother and I did not want to ask that of her.

Showing up where you want them, when you want them to be there -for the wedding and rehearsal dinner- in the outfit and accessories you agreed upon, are the main things. As you found in your research, and can see from the earlier responses, it really depends on the bride. I think it should also depend on the person you choose to be your maid of honor. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and things will go more smoothly if you ask your people to do things they're good at.
For example: Mine was/is my brother (I'm calling him my best man, but practically, bride's best man=maid of honor). He helped me with some small tasks the morning of the miniwedding, sat in his (air conditioned) car with the groom when the groom didn't know where to go before the ceremony, was available to help my grandfather go to the bathroom* if necessary, and made a speech. At the reception next year, he'll wear the suit I picked, be in a bunch of pictures if covid is less prevalent, and make another speech.
*that wouldn't normally be a reasonable task. It was okay because he's my brother AND a doctor AND agreed to it ahead of time.

I am not having a MOH as both of my people in the WP are very far away so we just scrapped the idea. But I know that when I was a MOH for my friends I was involved in helping plan the wedding, helping DIY decorations, the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, keeping the other bridesmaids informed, helping the day of to make sure that things were done properly, and also help to make sure the WP is where they are supposed to be the day of for pictures.