Maid of Honor BAILED on my wedding! Need advice!

I would go without the MOH toast. Unless you have a sister or dad who could do it? I would hold on to the MOH gifts. You never know what the next few months will bring.

Don't replace her. I would give her the gifts anyway. If someone wants to toast you, they will.

1. No, you shoudn't.

2. You can ask one of the BMs if they would like to do a toast or perhaps they could stand up there together and both say a little something. If not, then you don't need another toast - best man is fine.

3. I would still send the gift with an encouraging note.

I wouldn't replace her.

I'd ask dad or a grandparent to give a toast or just leave it as the best man. My florist/godmother said that's a rather new tradition anyway. Usually it's just the best man and maybe father of the bride.

I'd send it to her.

I'm going to follow this because I'm starting to worry this is going to happen to me too.... I'm 5 months out and she deleted me on facebook 2 months ago and when I mentioned it she just said "yeah..."

I agree not to "promote" your other BM to MOH.

I think its fine to ask your other BM if either of them would feel comfortable giving a toast. I think that's a really nice memory to have and you shouldn't have to sacrifice it just because your MOH bailed. Your other 2 BM are still close friends and I'm sure one would be happy to say some kind words for you.

Not sure about the gift... personally, I would send them with an encouraging note. But, I would definitely wait until after the wedding and see where your relationship with her stands. A lot can happen in 4 months.

I'm with the other ladies here, for witnessing you can do a couple things, pick one of the BM's to sign the certificate, or pick you mom, grandma or some close to you to sign it.

For speeches see if FH would be ok with both BM's doing a counter speech for the best man speech but limit the time frame for both if both truely want to do one so it's not too long. I was just in a wedding where the MOH hated public speaking so didn't do a speech and 3 BM's did a speech instead.

I would opt to send the gift to her anyway after the wedding. What will you do with it? Look at it periodically and get frustrated again? (that's what I would do). It's a nice gesture given she was important enough to you to make MOH and whatever is going on may pass.

Agree with the others, no need to appoint a new MOH. Also I wouldn't worry about the toast. If you want, ask someone in your family to say something but I wouldn't sweat it. I would send the gift to the former MOH. One, its already personalized what else are you going to do with it? And two an encouraging note may help heal the relationship, let her there are no hard feelings.

My OOT MOH ended up not being able to travel for the wedding. I've known her since 7th grade and respect her decision, even if it made me cry. I mailed all her gifts to her, sent her a program upon her request, and still kept her in the loop with everything which is what she wanted. We ended up with a best man speech and that's it was fine.

I agree with Emily:

1. No, you shoudn't.

2. You can ask one of the BMs if they would like to do a toast or perhaps they could stand up there together and both say a little something. If not, then you don't need another toast - best man is fine.

3. I would still send the gift with an encouraging note.

This is all very helpful-- I'm glad that my original intuitions were on the right track! My other BM (cousin who I grew up with) suggested giving a speech with her mom, my aunt, who has a great sense of humor. The two of them would deliver a fantastic toast. However, since I'm toasting my fiancé and vice versa, I suppose I don't need to fill the void with other speakers. I'm relieved that modern weddings aren't bound to tradition anymore, and you can make of your wedding what you want. Now that I think about it, no one will miss the MIA MoH whenever there will be others present who are so excited to make the day special. Besides, it's my day-- not the MoH's!

The MoH mismanaged her finances recently and now blames my family and I for "asking her" to pay to travel to the wedding that she now can't afford. She knew about the travel costs over a year in advance and has the highest-paying job of any of our bridal party members, so I suspect there are other underlying personal problems that are causing her to jump ship. If this is strictly financial and it blows over, I'd like to send her the gifts as a way to say, "I know money was tight, but know that we missed you being there and we'll just make up for lost time together later."

On the other hand, the MoH struggles psychologically when she is not the center of attention, and many of my family and friends suspect that bailing on the wedding could be her way of diverting attention to her and away from me as the bride. I would hate for this to be true, but I think it might be, and in that case I'm going to donate the gifts. There might be another thrifty bride out there with an MoH who shares my MoH's name, and she might as well put the items to better use.

To anyone else in my shoes: it is a major relief to know all of this NOW, in advance of the wedding, than to handle the fallout right before the ceremony. Additionally, everyone in the world will shower you with love, attention, and sympathy-- who doesn't feel terrible for the bride whose MoH bailed on her wedding?! The outpouring of support from family and friends is just the positive energy I needed to continue wedding planning with renewed excitement.

"Rough time" psshh.. please. She's making your day about her which is not very MOH like. I suggest giving her her personalized gifts the day of the wedding. She will feel terrible on your big day when she isn't walking down the aisle next to you after everything you did for her. BMs sometimes don't realize what amount of effort us brides put into our wedding day. We make it special for out #1 girls, too. Her loss. If you want a new MOH, have one. Maybe your mom? idk.

I totally agree. BMs (MoHs in particular, I feel) generally have no clue how hard the bride works to accommodate everyone's needs and plans, and to make them feel special. I am lucky that my two remaining BMs have been grateful when I promise to make their time in the wedding special, and I feel thankful to have them in my wedding party. They also really stepped up when the MoH lost her marbles.