M-I-L wants 2nd Reception

I understand your point (we were going to do a destination wedding and my FILs asked to throw one, and I thought the same things you do). Maybe try having the big blow-out in Ohio and then a more relaxed one in MI. The MI one could be announced after the wedding. The people who truly want to be there and truly want to see you will come no matter what - they won't skip out just because there's another one closer to them.

I totally understand how you could feel offended by that. My FH and I are both local to each other and so are our families, but if we weren't I would feel the same way you do. I agree with the other post about announcing the 2nd reception after your wedding already passes. I don't think it is fair to your FH because I think he would be sad with no one really there on your wedding. Or you could have him talk to her and let her know that isn't what you guys want and that you are having only the one reception. Just take the 2nd one out as an option. As for her father it may have just been her wanting to do it for him, but you could always tell her that when you get back from your honeymoon you'll plan a long weekend up there and you can have a family get together with him to celebrate.

You have nothing to feel bad about! You are totally right, people would not go to both. And it sounds like you handled it right by talking it over with her and being honest about your feelings. It's great that she respects your wishes. You are not doing this to hurt her, if anything it's more considerate to your guests. I would find it very strange to be invited to 2 receptions! And this is your chance for the families to come together! Our families and friends are scattered to the world so almost every one of our guests is traveling to get to our wedding, including us. We picked a middle point. But I would not have considered have different receptions in different places either, that would only divide everyone. I like the PP's idea about scheduling a special weekend with her father after it all. And if it turns out that MANY people aren't able to make it then maybe have like a small dinner for all of them. But don't beat yourself up about this!

We're in a similar situation (I'm from Boston, he's from Nova Scotia). Maybe your FH's mom wants to have the 2nd reception so she can invite friends that wouldn't otherwise be invited to the wedding in OH (and also her dad of course)? I know that was the case for us, so we're having a 2nd reception the weekend after in Nova Scotia, and my parents and brother are coming along to that. But all the family on both sides will be in Boston. Maybe you can work out something like that...and get the message out that you really want them to be present for the actual ceremony...and the 2nd reception will be just more of a party for local friends.

I had a friend that just got married a few months ago and they had 2 receptions... Their situation was a little different though because they just wanted a small wedding and reception dinner and the MIL wanted to have a big party with everyone they knew... so what they did was a wk or 2 after the wedding we got 2nd invitation to the "Celebration of their Marriage" that was hosted and paid for by his parents... It was more casual and had a lot of extended family and coworkers, etc. The party was a month after their actual wedding, so they had a chance to go to the honeymoon and get back into their "normal" lives for a couple wks before the party-- and I don't think they had much to do as far as helping plan or anything-they just got to show up and enjoy that party.

That said, if you arent open to it-put your foot down and say no... I understand that sometimes people cant travel because of their health--but maybe you can make a special visit to MI after the wedding is over.

Thanks so much for all your input! I definitely have some things to think about now. I like the idea of sending out invitations for the 2nd "celebration" after the wedding. That's not something I thought about before. Sounds like there might be light at the end of the tunnel Thanks! Anymore input is sure welcome

I'm from CA and FH and I live and run our wedding photography biz in MA. My mom put up a big stink we she found out I wanted to do it out here. (Hello mom.. I work in the industry out here I would be silly not to do it with all the resources I have at hand) But it came down to the fact that my grandma couldn't make the flight (she is 92) and now do to the economy a lot of my other relatives and friends that cant afford the trip out here. So she convinced me to do the split thing (she's paying for the CA reception). Its actually helped a lot with the guest list and keeping the costs a little more manageable on our end...plus my mom has her own "project" which keeps her from micro-managing the actual wedding. Plus if you do it with enough time you can have your photographer put together a slideshow of the actual wedding to show at the MI reception.

Good luck!