Losing Interest in Wedding

Sorry you are feeling this way, I definitely wouldn't end a relationship over a ring. Is there more to the story of why you aren't interested anymore? Maybe you could try premarital counseling to see if they will help you two?

Agree with Yasmine— you don’t leave because he didn’t get the ring of your dreams. Maybe he could only afford the gold setting and can’t afford to upgrade to platinum right now? Have you offered to pay for the upgrade yourself?


Are there other reasons for why you’re considering leaving him or why you feel like you’re not in love anymore?
I strongly advise against comparing your relationship with your friends’ relationships. You’re never going to win that game. You never know what goes on behind closed doors with your friends’ relationships.

You could have the ring dipped in platinum I believe. As for the relationship part- in any relationship you’ll fall in and out of love with your person. You’ll never stop loving them but knowing the difference between loving someone and being in love is tremendously important. This may be just a lull but it also may be a sign. Give it time. Write everyday 3 positive things about him and at the end of a time period you feel is appropriate at least a couple weeks. Read everything you wrote. If you feel the same as you do now then you know that spending a lifetime with him may not be the right choice.

I agree with Yasmine and Karla. Do some self analysis and be honest with yourself about why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. From there, you can determine how to proceed. Sounds like you’re in a tough spot - sending positive thoughts your way!

Did he know before he bought you the golden ring that you are allergic to gold? If he did not, then you can’t really blame him. Beside the ring, is there any other issues you guys have?

Info: did he know you have an allergy to gold?
If so, then I do find it peculiar. The ring aside, take time to remember why you are with him to begin with. If after reflection you come to the conclusion that those reasons no longer apply then it may be best to move on. Have a mature discussion with him about how you both feel in the relationship. You may find that this is simply a low moment or you may decide to end the relationship.

So many great points- most importantly don’t compare your relationship with your friends, you don’t know what their relationship is behind closed doors. I think you need to get some type of counseling for these issues.

View Quoted Comment I definitely agree with Michelle! Every relationship is very different so it’s hard to compare yours to your friends, and I know that can be difficult sometimes but you’ll never be happy comparing your relationship to other ones that you aren’t experiencing firsthand. Every couple has its own setbacks and issues behind closed doors, but counseling could be a very good option if you’re interested in making things work. Hope this helps and I’m so sorry you’re conflicted!

Definitely sounds like you’re not interested in him!

While I am of the view that your partner should have gotten you a ring with a different metal if he knew you were allergic to gold, you are portraying him as some inconsiderate a-hole for not ‘going above and beyond’ with your ring.

My take on this situation is that either (a) you are quite materialistic and feel unappreciated because he has not met your expectations, in which case it is really not fair on him and you will set yourself up for disaster by valuing your relationship on material possessions, or (b) it has nothing to do with the ring and you instead have other issues which have been overlooked and the focus has instead shifted to the ring as though that is the actual issue, in which case, I think you need to pinpoint what it actually is that has caused you to lose interest and decide whether or not this is repairable/if you can live with it, or, if it is time to move on.

The ring is a symptom of a greater problem.


If he had known you're allergic to gold but got it for you anyway, without caring, then yes, he is an ahole.
Should you be expecting him to upgrade your ring entirely at his expense? That's not necessarily reasonable. You should be working as a team to figure out a solution. Get it dipped in platinum. See if the jeweler will exchange it for a nickel free ring. Look into DIY ways to protect your finger.
Nonetheless, you sound like you're done with this relationship. Internet strangers can't help you salvage it. Think hard about whether you want to stay, be transparent about how you feel, and don't drag things out for both your sakes.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. The ring is something that can be upgraded and does not define the relationship. If you feel you don't love him anymore, what is causing that that is not related to the ring at all? If you have any doubts, stop planning and have a heart to heart with your fiance to make sure you are both on the same page. Sometimes relationships fade and it's better to end them before you make them legal so you can both find your happiness with someone else. You can't compare your relationship to other people's because theirs aren't always all roses either.

I can relate to the feeling of him not going "above and beyond" when I compare to some of my friends' relationships. For me I realized quickly that for us it has mostly to do with different love languages (I don't know if you are aware of those) and a little bit with different cultures, expectations and past experiences/hurts. However, we have talked about this many times and he always takes my concerns serious and tries and that is sooo sweet (even he doesn't always gets it right and I have to "teach" him what flowers I like or how to plan a date that's romantic to both of us). And I also have to look at the things that he is doing and remind myself of his love language and "translate" for myself. My FH is going above and beyond for me - just sometimes I don't see it because my expectations get in the way.

Have you talked with him about this? What is he saying? Has he never gone "above and beyond" for you or has his behavior changed? Does he know what you are missing in the relationship?

I think you also need to find out why he doesn't want to upgrade your ring. Money, hurt feelings, doesn't believe you are allergic, ... ??? ???

To me it seems that communication between the two of you is really key here!!

I think it is also normal to have cold feet and to fall in and out of love as someone else here wrote. Love is chosing a person again and again and again and chosing comittment.

I read the book "Emotionally engaged" by Allison Moir-Smith and found it extremely helpful to sort through my emotions, anxiety and cold feet. Premarital counseling could also be very helpful.

And, I have experienced this over and over and agree with everyone else here: don't compare your relationship with others'. Every relationship is unique and you never know the whole pictur of what happens behind closed doors.

I hope you can sort this out soon. All the best!

Did he know you were allergic to gold?? If he did, that’s a major red flag, and possibly a sign he was looking to start a fight and end it? If not, this obviously sounds like it’s more than just the ring. You should be so excited to be engaged, and not getting cold feet at such an early stage. While I 100 agree you can’t compare your relationship/engagement with others, if it was only about the ring, I don’t think you would be “falling out of love.” I would really examine the your feelings, and see if you even want to move forward

If you’re saying that you’re not sure if you love him anymore because of that, there’s something much deeper going on. Even thinking that there’s a chance you might not love him is a major red flag. Feeling that way isn’t normal. You have a lot of thinking to do. Therapy is also a good idea.

Before the wedding is the time to listen to your gut.
About the ring - when you say refuse, do you mean he does not care that you are in pain from wearing the ring or that it’s not in the budget right now? That makes a difference.
While all relationships are different and comparing yourself to friends isn’t the best way to gauge your compatibility, pay attention to your feelings. Dig down and see what the real issue is. This can save both you and your fiancé a lot of heartache and trouble in the future.

I agree with others. Don't leave over a ring.

These are all such great points!

I hate that you are feeling that way - I think the most dangerous thing you can do is compare your relationship to your friend's. I hope you are addressing the ring issue with your fiancé as a gold allergy and not that you're not satisfied with the ring - just because I feel like that may be harsh to hear after buying someone you love an engagement ring.

I don't necessarily think you should call it quits! Maybe dig a little into whatever underlying issues are making you feel this way. Talk to him and maybe a premarital counselor. But definitely stop comparing to your friends!