Longtime friend wants to unfriend us because we are married/getting married

Yes. Some people are jealous and it's their loss. Do you really want to try to salvage a friendship of someone who would outright tell you he didn't want to be friends AND over something so normal? I know it's a long term friendship but not worth your time chasing someone who doesn't care. Focus on those who do care. A wedding is stressful enough. He told you he's done and as sad as it is, it's him not you.

Sounds like he feels left out/left behind is crying out for attention.

Ew. Just ew. I'm sorry you have to deal with this friend being so immature. Here in real life, people couple up, grow up, and spend most of their time with their significant others/kids. Relationships with friends change and evolve as each person grows so if he can't handle this change then fuxk him, he's immature. I'm guessing he has never had a long term relationship?

Sounds like you should send him a card when he's married with a toddler just to remind him that he better be making time for his friends or they'll friend dump him.

Maybe fill the envelope with glitter that will get everywhere.

What a twat.

Wow, sounds like he needs to grow up.

That's crazy! I haven't experienced anything like that with my friends. My cousin that I don't really get along with was however very pissed. The day I posted I was engaged on social media, she tweeted how everyone is engaged and she is going to be the last person on earth now to get married. FH and I keep joking that she is probably on her bf to propose so they can get married before us. Her mother did the same thing with my mom. They see life as a competition. Maybe your friend is the same way and is lashing out.

Oh wow I can't believe someone would say that! I did have a few people grow apart after I got engaged, but nobody wrote such an immature message. Honestly, you don't need someone like that in your life - people should be thrilled for you!

Sounds like either:

1) He was super interested in you and/or your sister and can't be friends now that you're married.

2) He honestly doesn't believe guys and girls can be friends when one is married.

That sucks, though.

Oh, really? What's this dude's problem? Did his med refills run out? That is absurd. Is he still pissed off that someone special turned him down when he asked them to homecoming or the prom? I don't get it. I really don't.

This is how ridiculous he's being...when I read the title of your thread, I thought the subject was going to be that you were married in a private ceremony, but were now planning another wedding with lots of guests (a vow renewal), and he had an issue with that. At first, I thought...yep, that happens. A big wedding and reception occurring a year or two after a private wedding does not appeal to everyone. Such an event might not engender the type of excitement the couple was hoping for. But, that's not the case here. Honestly, he sounds like a strange person. Let it go. In twenty years, you'll be searching for the guy's name when you're repeating the story.

I agree with mrjonesandme. Some people are just ridiculous like that. It really sucks that he feels that way, but it is his loss. If he needs to be in constant contact with you to be considered a friend, then his idea of friendship is warped. Many people can go weeks and even a months without speaking, and still manage to maintain a healthy friendship. It is called life and being an adult. I am sorry that you are going through this. Don't let it get you down.

Twatwaffle.

My lifelong (literally, we met at a daddy-and-me type class as infants) BFF started treating me like crap when I got engaged. I texted her a pic of the ring (because she was at work and I thought it would be a cute way to tell her) and instead of being happy for me she yelled at me for not calling instead (she wouldn't have answered at work). Then we talk for about 5 minutes in which she says she can't do anything wedding related except on weekends (which she knows doesn't work for my mom) and that we'll just have to schedule everything for then and she'll need plenty of notice even for that. Then she says she can't talk and will call me back that night...I didn't hear from her for a MONTH. Once we did get to talk she was short with me and never even congratulated me. She didn't want to come up to see me/us (when I went to her town to see her and my aunt who also lived there she cancelled on me once altogether and once only saw me for a couple hours and then bailed) and when she finally did come up here, saying she wanted to make up for having not helped with the wedding yet, she refused to do anything but run her errands and invited people over to my house to hang out and drink without asking me. She also made fun of me for anything I choose in the wedding and even went so far as to imply that since we had already lived together a wedding was silly. She insulted my weight, she yelled at my puppy, she was so bad that my DH had to go to our freezing cold basement (with the puppy!) and hide out to avoid her because otherwise he would have ripped her a new one (I should have let him). When I finally called her out on all this she just said she was too busy with her move (almost 9 months prior at this point) to "be there for me the way I needed" and never contacted me again. She missed my shower and bachelorette along with the wedding itself.

For some reason a friend getting engaged/married really changes some people. I feel like the wedding process can sometimes show you who your true friends are. It would be one thing if you had gone from wanting to go out all the time to staying in and never having time for him, or in some other way had been a bad friend/changed drastically. But it sounds to me like you were trying to be a good friend and were making time despite being super busy. Sometimes people just can't handle change.

Well that's weird, but at least he was direct and didn't ghost?

Sadly, yes. Even one of my closest girlfriends has put distance between us since I got engaged. Sometimes there is something inside saying, "why them, not me." Even though they are super happy. And I agree that he may not think that guys and girls should be friends if one is married. Sorry this is happening to you.

That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I've grown apart from friends because of this (she's a soccer mom moving into her custom built almost mansion--literally nothing in common with her), but not outright said "I won't be friends with you anymore" what are we 10 years old? He's bitter, let him wallow in his lonliness.

People are weird.

sorry this is happening and sucks that he was such a good friend but I'm agreeing.

twat.

I had a friend (a guy, for what it's worth) who told me the day I got engaged that we could no longer be friends. Still confused and a little hurt to this day. I don't know what's up with people.

I say, if he wants out set him free. I had this happen to me when DH and I moved in together. A woman that I went to undergrad and law school with sent me a similar note via email. However, I was not surprised when I received it. Over the years, when she was in a relationship, I did not hear from her until it went south. This continued for over 25 years. When DH and I got together, she was in a relationship and we hung out whenever we were all free. Shortly after DH and I moved in together, she called and said they had broken up. That weekend, we went out for lunch and had a spa day. She asked how things were going between DH and I, and I told her we had moved in together. That Monday, I (and several other ladies in serious relationships) received her email letting us know that she took a long hard look at her life and realized there were some people that she would have to let go. Yada, yada, yada, she wished us well and none of us have heard from her since.

Weird related story. FH had a very close friend who got married in 2011. Soon after his wife got pregnant and we didn't see him for 3 years and only rarely talked to FH like 1-2x a year. No one knew what was going on with him. Well earlier this year he quit his job, sent everyone a letter apologizing and is now friends and coming around/calling again. Apparently he thought *his letter* he couldnt be a "good dad" and a "good husband" with all his old friends. He now realizes hiw stupid that was and that real friends will be there for you regardless of how your life changes. Too bad it took him 3 years to realize that.

People are weird. I have never had this happen. People call each other less and grow apart but sending a message saying I am friend dumping you....really...