Long distance wedding; obligations of groom's parents?

I don’t necessarily think there’s any particular obligation when it comes to attending the engagement party or any other pre-wedding parties, but if it were my child I’d want to attend any and all events related to their wedding that I was invited to.

I don't think you have many obligations concerning planning, paying, or much else for the wedding. But I'm curious as to why you don't want to go to the engagement party?

We were in a similar boat, ny parents live across the country and had only met FH a few times before getting engaged. It was really important to me that ours families met before the wedding so they flew in to help me dress shop and we set up a joint family dinner with my parents, FH parents, FH sister, and his grandparents.
I definitely recommend going in person, I'm sure your son would really appreciate it. If you don't want to travel maybe your wife could go alone. It sounds like this is important to her.

IMO, barring something extraordinary, a parent should do everything in their power to attend pre wedding events/parties that they are invited to. I would imagine your son would be very hurt if you didnt attend.

I would be extremely hurt if my father didn't come to my engagement party- not if there was a legitimate reason, but because he just didn't feel like it? Ouch. That's the feeling I'm getting from you, perhaps I am mistaken.

My parents live across the country and while I would love for them to be at every event, I understand the strain that travel (and a wedding) cause. That said, I would be very sad if my parents didn't come to an event just because they didn't like to travel. He's your son, and this is a big moment for him - if you can make it work, I think you should, but if there are other reasons why you can't go (like finances or other obligations), I would talk to him and let him know.

I totally get not wanting to travel. My Dad doesn't like to travel, either. I would understand him not wanting to go to an engagement party. My Mom, like your wife, would be all for it and would expect to go. In their case, my Mom would go by herself, and Dad would stay home. Is that possible in your case?

Just go.
It will make your wife, son, future daughter in law, and her parents happy.
It sounds like you have no valid reason not to.

This post makes me kind of sad.
I don’t think there ARE “obligations” so to speak, but there should be *wants*...this is a big, exciting time for your son, and it quite frankly doesn’t have anything at all to do with your disinterest in travel. As your child, you should WANT to join in on this big momentous occasion, celebrate with him and share in his excitement— in spite of how you feel about travel. You’re not OBLIGATED to attend any event but it’s meaningful if you do (and to be honest, also “meaningful” to your son and family if you don’t).

My parents live in a different state than me and don’t particularly like my city or the travel to get there and my dad is a home body and would almost always rather spend his down time with his hobbies at home. But they come visit for ME , because they love me, and it means the freakin’ world to me.

You don’t HAVE to go to anything, but if it’s not a hardship to get there, it doesn’t go unnoticed.
My aunt/godmother didn’t travel to my shower which in itself wasn’t a big deal, but then when shower time rolled around she was all sad that she was missing out. I wasn’t offended that she didn’t travel but it was hard to feel sympathy when she was bummed about missing it, since she had the time and money to come but didn’t .

if you CANT go, that’s one thing , but if you simply don’t WANT to, that will wear on your son, I believe. And on his in-laws perceptions of you. It is FINE not to go to everything— you definitely don’t need to go to everything! — but an effort to go to SOME things goes a long way. I also think an engagement party in particular where you haven’t met the other family is a fantastic opportunity. It also gives a nice amount of space between trips if you have to do wedding related travel in the future. I also think a Skype meeting sounds pretty awkward (good for business, bad for family).

i didn’t have an engagement party; they’re certainly optional events. But...if I had had one and my parents didn’t come, I’d be sad. If they had a GOOD reason not to have made the trip I’d be understanding, maybe a bit disappointed, but totally supportive and understanding. But if they just *chose* not to, frankly, I’d be hurt.

Are you and your son not very close?

I understand the travel might be a PITA and you might feel weird not knowing anyone there, but usually a parent's desire to celebrate their child's milestone life event trumps those discomforts.

You're not "obligated" to go, but unless there is some reason like poor health or strained finances preventing your travel, I think you should suck it up and attend. You may regret it if you don't.

Thank you for all the nice replies; hopefully there are more...

-Scott V.

I don't think you have any specific obligations. As long as vacation time, financial situation, physical disabilities that make traveling nearly impossible, or something along those lines I think you should try to attend the engagement party and other wedding events. I understand not wanting to go (I personally think engagement parties are silly, and that it's not really necessary for the parents to meet) but I would still attend these events for my parents/siblings/children/very close friends if i'm able because it's obviously important to them.

Hello-

Thanks, I have decided to look at this as an opportunity to spend some time with my son and fiancee, and get to know her family and some of her friends. Thanks everyone for the input!

-Scott V.

View Quoted Comment This makes me so happy to hear!! Thank you for the update. Enjoy the family time!