Living together stress...

Stop doing it. When he doesn’t have clean clothes or a plate to eat from, he’ll realize that he’s going to have to learn to do things for himself.

Exactly what PP said. You're not his mother - he needs to grow up!

View Quoted Comment All. Of. This.

Is this his first time living without his parents in the house?

Maybe a long weekend trip with your girlfriends will show him how much work you do for him!

Also, sit down with him and get a family budget. I feel like this is super important for handling money, especially since you two now live together.

View Quoted Comment Rent and utilities are coming up. We normally split everything half and half. I guess I'll have to include grocery and my services as a bill so he'll help out. He's definitely a cheapskate.

I think you need to sit down and talk to him. In my eyes it's ok to have roles in a relationship but you both need to agree on them. I do most of the cleaning, cooking, etc but FH will help if I ask him to. We grocery shop together. I don't mind doing his laundry. He also shows a lot of gratitude for all I do for him so that's mainly important to me. Also he doesn't expect it, but appreciates it. Last weekend he pulled weeds and power washed the house. I think finding a nice balance will make you happy.

I would negotiate who does and pays for what. I pay for all the groceries and cook and clean, and my fiancé pays our rent and all the bills, does his own laundry, primarily takes care of the cat. It works for me.

Yikes. I agree with a PP about not doing anything and see what happens. He needs to grow up and unfortunately it looks like you get to be the one to make that happen.

I'd lose my mind. Especially as you already spoke to him. From the sound of it he appears to have moved in with you, he might not know much being without his mother for the first time. You're not his mother though, you need to stop encouraging this behavior immediately.
Frankly before we were engaged I packed my fiance's stuff up and told him to get out or get off his ass. He's not the best at doing things in a timely manner but he's much better now. Yours might need a kick in the rear too, start by not doing anything until he does it. Your house will be gross but he'll eventually cave.

If you're doing all the groceries, cooking, cleaning and pretty much and and all household work and chores maybe rent and utilities shouldn't be half and half. Sounds to me like he wants an old fashioned arrangement in which case he should be paying rent fully on his own to compensate for all you do.

Before we put finances together, we kind of had an unspoken thing (it just worked out this was) i paid for groceries and he paid when ever we went out to eat. Once we realized we were doing it we talked about it and agreed to it.
As far as splitting bills, each payday i just told him how much I needed.
Household chores are still a pain to get him to do, but he’s getting better. Letting it go for a few days has worked slightly. I’ve also talked to him about it. Cleaning and such just isn’t on his radar like it is mine. Plus he works 12+ hours most days so by the time he’s home sleep and food are the main things on his mind. When he’s had a rough day or week I try and let it slide and pick up the slack.

This is why it's really important to live with someone before you get married.
You see the real them.
Go see a couple's therapist, I wouldn't just stop doing everything and hope he gets the idea. With the therapist, you can address your feelings and concerns and they'll mediate in a way that allows you to set your expectations and see where he can meet you halfway. And continue seeing the therapist so they can ask you two if that arrangement is being kept.
They'll catch on if he tries to back out with excuses.
Men need to be held accountable. If you don't nip this in the bud before you get married, it will only get worse. You don't want to be arguing 10 years from now about this because he said he'd help, but never continuously/consistently stepped up. And you never properly addressed the situation and held him accountable.
You aren't his mom, don't let him treat you like you are.

I had an ex boyfriend like this. I can’t say what the right way to fix this is, but I can say you need to do it ASAP. I was too timid to push past him saying “ok” to all our talks and never following through and it resulted in a very ugly and toxic relationship. If you fix it now, you will be fine, but if you let this just sit your relationship will dissolve before you know it. Don’t say your “I do’s” until the two of you are on the same page.

I would sit down with him and try to come up with a way to delegate the chores. If you do laundry and cook/grocery shop, then he needs to do the dishes and run the vacuum etc. Part of the monthly bills should definitely include groceries! He should be helping pay for those. FH and I tend to just work as a team, we cook together, clean together and we have a joint account so it's our money, not his and hers. We just pay what needs to be paid, and then go from there. He works from home so he will do the laundry and then I'll help him put it away. Definitely need to have a conversation with him, and then stick to whatever you decide! Good luck, and I hope things get better for you guys!

...Wow.I'd literally just stop doing anything that has anything to do with him.
I'd only do my laundry, label all my food and only buy it for myself, and only clean enough for me.
But I can get super stubborn and petty.

Either that, or I'd go visit my family for a few days and let him shift for himself for a week or so. Take a before picture of life with you, then come back to it, and take an after picture.Show him both. Point out you are not his maid.

I'd probably also tell him that I wouldn't be getting married until he got his adulting skills together.

I relate so much! This is one of the most common arguments between couples. What we've done is that my FH pays for most things now, which gives me more fun money. On top of that, we have gone through the list of chores and given him some- taking out the trash/recycling, doing the dishes and washing the bathrooms. I've explained to him that this is like a second job, and unless he wants to support me financially not working to pick up after him, he needs to pull his weight. lol It is workable and common. My FH also works a ton, which I understand makes it hard, but I'm not going to be working 40 hours a week and doing a second shift.

Thank you for everyone's input. I had a night to cool off and I'll have another discussion with him. I moved across the country for him. I currently work two jobs to keep up with living expenses. I'll talk to him again. Like a lot of you guys said, I will not be his mom and I've told him that many times.

He only helps after I had blew up on him and he knows I will not stand for it. Then he gets comfortable again and forgets that he needs to maintain it and we're back at square one.

Just stop doing it. He'll get the hint.

Me and my fiance have been together for nearly ten years, and bought our own home about 3 years ago. We used to fight DAILY about this. I do almost all of the cooking/cleaning, and we split bills 50/50. I would get upset that I was the only one doing anything and he would get pissed that I was "nagging" him. We grew up very differently. My mom was a single mom and I grew up doing a lot of cooking/cleaning/housework etc., got my first job at 14; while his mom did absolutely everything for him until he was in his 20's and he didnt work until he was 18. My mom told me one day when I was venting with her: you cant change people and you pretty much have to decide if its something you can live with or not. I did a lot of reflecting on this. He is the love of my life and I genuinely love "taking care" of him, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. I stopped telling him/yelling at him to help me and it has helped so much. If I ask him to do a few things while im gone he generally will, he has pretty much taken over doing all our laundry while im at work overnight. I have also realized that when one little thing is messy in our house and im freaking out saying "OMG this house is a wreck", he honestly does not see it.

Reading other comments, I realize this is a hugely uncommon way of thinking, but it works for us and it works for me. Just thought I would leave a different opinion. You truly have to think about what you can live with for the rest of your life and what you can not.

View Quoted Comment Agree!100%