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Analia
Just Said Yes September 2024

Living together before wedding?

Analia, on March 16, 2023 at 6:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 9

My fiance and i are trying to plan our wedding. We were both raised in traditional catholic italian families. Well, we decided to rent an apartment and already signed a lease after we decided to have a traditional wedding in Sept of 2024. We don't want to wait that long to move in with each other which is why we rented the apartment. We are supposed to move in 2 weeks but our parents are pressuring us to get married in the church before we move in with each other. I'm against having two weddings because I don't want the moment I walk down the aisle to be tainted if I've already done it before in the church but I don't want to make my parents uncomfortable by moving in with my fiance before we are married. Side note: we always wanted to get married on a mountain and not in the church so our original plan to be married in sept 2024 isn't what we want either because our parents would make us have a traditional wedding. What should we do? Should we get married in the church before moving in to make our parents happy? or live in guilt until the wedding a year and a half later? or does anyone have any other suggestions?

9 Comments

Latest activity by MrsC, on April 25, 2023 at 10:46 PM
  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    "Should we get married in the church before moving in to make our parents happy?"

    Nothing about this says this will make you and your partner happy.

    The Church doesn't care if you live together before you get married. Also, they won't marry you with 2 weeks notice. Silly parents.

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Do what will make YOU two happy. You are both adults and have the right to make the decisions that work best for you as a couple. The Catholic Church will definitely still marry you, as I have had multiple friends living together for years before they had a full Catholic wedding. Personally, I lived with my husband for 6 years before we even got engaged. I think living together helped us get to know each other on a deeper level and understand each others little quirks and idiosyncrasies and test whether you are truly compatible.
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  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
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    The Catholic Church will not stop you from getting married simply because you live together. My husband and I are Catholic and did this to save money on rent. They’ll simply advise you “that’s not a good idea” but they won’t refuse to marry you guys. We also have multiple Catholic friend couples that have done the same thing.


    I’d also work on letting go of the fear of disappointing or upsetting your parents. I totally get wanting your parents to approve of things you do, but ultimately trying to appease them is only going to make you and your future spouse miserable. “Mom, Dad, <future spouse> and I will be doing <insert wedding you want> for our wedding as this is what we want.” is an acceptable thing to say. Remember that you are not responsible for their reactions and feelings. How they react or feel about your choice is on THEM and them alone to deal with.
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    The problem is caring to much on keeping traditions that yall don't necessarily care about, all to make your parents happy. And not to be rude but people in the catholic church do ALOT OF DIRT to be sitting up here worrying about if yall was living together before marriage or not...

    Girl make this YALL DREAM! THIS IS YALL DREAM WEDDING Smiley heart I wish we didn't care so much about what our parents thought, but that's going to be the first downfall of your marriage if you have them to involved in it or making u feel bad for what yall really wanna do..

    Good luck sweet heartSmiley ring

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  • C
    CM ·
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    You already signed a lease, so IMO it's a done deal and the time for these type of considerations is past. Stand by your decision and resist parental pressure, which is probably more for appearances than anything else at this point. I am sure they have come to the conclusion that you are not saving yourselves for marriage by now.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yep it's time for you to make your own decisions in your life. Doing it now will really help you as you move forward in your life. You can't live and make decisions just to appease the people around you.

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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    Fully removing parents from the equation, what do you and your future spouse want? Whatever that is, do it. You'll get opinions and suggestions from your parents over plenty more than wedding plans and living arrangements in your life, so you have to be able to put them into perspective AFTER whatever it is that you both want to do.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes August 2023
    Chelsea ·
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    Make yourself happy and your finance happy nobody else
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  • MrsC
    Devoted June 2023
    MrsC ·
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    I am not going to comment on your living with your fiance before marriage - that's between you and your conscience and God. I am Roman Catholic (and also half Italian), and a Mom, so I get it with your parents. However, one thing you should know is in order to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony in the Catholic Church, you need to be married in a church. I know everyone says nowadays - do what you want, what makes you happy, etc. However, if you intend to live as a Catholic, you need to follow the rules and consult your priest.

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