Lets throw etiquette out the window for one second

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I agree 100%

I would want a heads up e mail or phone call, or postcard or save ( printed Saves with designs no better than a blank card, it is info I transfer to calendars, day timer, computer, phone, etc, not something I post. For a holiday or holiday weekend 4 months out, at least. At most 5. Beyond that it is likely to be forgotten. And actual invitations in our hands by 8 weeks. Whether 9 months ahead or 8 weeks would not change and make me more likely it less likely to come, or answer early. Kids schools, his work and mine, never release master schedules until just over 6 weeks out. And since I cannot/would not commit to a friend or far distant family wedding, before close family, be it helping a family member 1st week new baby, or other important family occasion like a wedding, 50th anniversary etc, and their invitations arrive around 8 weeks, or plans are made then, I would never send back a far earlier RSVP until I have reviewed all things 6.5 to 8 weeks out. So I could never reply until 6 weeks. Any invitation anywhere, requiring an answer before 6 weeks out,. We will decline, no matter who or what it is. We can't say earlier than 6.5 weeks. And will not say yes knowing we might reverse ourselves in 2 or so weeks. What is the point.
When in a wedding, or committing to giving a work thing for days or weeks for one project, I of course make plans sooner, but not as a guest. We have 5 kids including 4 year old twins. And we most often exchange day care/ overnight or weekend childcare, with 2families with 3-6 kids themselves, it my parents. All the extra time with an earlier invite does not matter if they cannot absolutely commit to taking the kids 6.5-8 weeks out when they get their schedules. Any time we get a heads up Save, email, call, or card, as soon as we find we have a conflict, I respond directly. And write or give our regrets, whether 8 months out or 3-4, so the hosts know before the usual invitation time, and tell them, send someone else and invitation, we definitely are not coming. More than half of all advance information times, we know well before invitation time. But those we do not know, we find out 6.5 to 8 weeks out, then answer.

We're sending our invitations nearly 4 months in advance for our December wedding. Over half of our guest list is traveling and I have family members in the military. And our Save the Dates want out nearly 11 months in advance so people could start considering their schedules. So the sooner the better worked out for us.

On the other hand, my cousin is just now sending out her invitations for a Labor Day weekend wedding. She also released hotel information with the Save the Dates a couple of months ago which led to both hotel blocks filling up right away. Now people like me, who were on the fence with going, are now left to book a more expensive flight and hotel room.

I sent my STDs to out of town guests about a year ahead of time to allow time to make arrangements. We sent the rest 3 or 4 months later.

View Quoted Comment I think you might be able to get away with September 15. That still gives them 2 months to book.
But if people are already bugging you, do what you think is best for you and your guests.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree. A STD is just a warning for guests. I would say send STDs 9 months in advance and invites maybe 4 months in advance. Since “standard” time is 3 months, that gives you an extra month to collect numbers. I feel like you’ll want extra cushion time to get everything situated if it is a destination wedding and your guests will appreciate that as well. Word of mouth is also a strong way to get information out. I would assign family members to spread the details. Maybe even include a little note in with the STD saying what the deal is!

I would want to know at least 6 months in advance. Especially if I would need to book hotel flights rental car etc

I would need to know at least 2 months in advance but preferably 3. It would give me enough time to save up money as well as get the time off work which usually we bid for far in advance. I think the 8-6 week rule is silly.

We are having a destination wedding which requires people to travel quite a ways. We are going to send out save the dates a year in advance, and then invitations 6 months in advance. We figured that would give people ample notice to decide if they wanted to go, request off work, figure out finances, etc.

A save the date with a link to your website that included travel information would be the most beneficial. that gives people 8+ months to plan. If that was given to me well in advance (8-12 months), I would be able to plan for the wedding better.

If the wedding was out of town for me, I would want a save the date about 6 months in advance. Probably 12 weeks for the invite.

I would want to be told WELL ahead of time. Probably about a year at least. You're talking about probably about $800 after all is said and done around a holiday (food, gift, travel money, etc), yeah, that'd have to be heavily budgeted out for me.

Our wedding is the weekend after thanksgiving. I sent out STDs the end of January so people can plan accordingly. If you get a room block somewhere there's a cut off time to book so the earlier the better. We have a small 200 guest wedding, there's a(n) A-list, B-list, and C-list. I sent out my invites 5 months out so we can add the other lists if people from the A-list cannot make it.

8-10 is good, i think you're fine with 11-12 due to the circumstances. If anyone is weird about how early it is (which they won't be, who's gonna complain about knowing sooner?) then you just tell them you know it's a little soon but it's a holiday weekend. Standard timeframe for invites.

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I think it's silly as well. And who came up with these rules anyway?? lol

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I did the save the dates in Feb so 11 months in advance and I'll do the invites 4 months out

I would want a heads up like 5-6 months in advance to financially plan then get all the details like 3-4 months before. I like to book my tickets 3 months out