LDS bridesmaid

LDS here. You 100% need to let her wear a shall. Our religion has strict views on modesty, and strapless is not in it, ESPECIALLY if she's already been married in the temple. Let her pay, she'd probably like to go find one that will actually cover her up!

Maybe something like this? Sorry the hyperlink may not work. $40 a Target.

http://www.target.com/p/women-s-scalloped-lace-bridesmaid-bolero-jacket-tevolio-153/-/A-16843335?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Women%2BShopping&adgroup=Blouses_SC&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9033106&gclid=CNDRs-Wi8cwCFU9cfgodOOoLgg&gclsrc=aw.ds

Oh also, sleeves are necessary for lds modesty standards. She probably wouldn't be comfortable wearing something after the ceremony but not during.

Let her wear a shawl. Uniformity is not more important than her comfort or your friendship with her.

@Kelsey Ann and AMW you are totally right! I think she now wants to wear it because of her friends not so much because of her belief...

Let her wear a shawl. I understand wanting to be uniform, but the BP is not a chorus line. Or you could not post the pics of her on FB.

The parents of my FG and RB do not want their kids' pictures posted on FB. (They don't even have FB accounts.) I knew that, so I didn't post any pics of them on FB. And there were some CUTE pics.

This isn't a whim, it's her religious belief. Let her do what she needs to in order to be part of your wedding without violating her beliefs.

Stephanie - don't judge her. You're judging her on commenting it's more about her friends than her religion.

She probably does think the dress is cute. But she also realizes it's not appropriate as per her religion.

Let her wear a shawl, but she should pay for it.

She's your friend - not a photo prop. Wanting uniformity is for pictures.

I asked her if she really cared about it and she honestly told me that if it was for her, she would wear the dress strapless (even though I'm adding straps). She said it was more of her church friends saying something about it.

This is why I'm confused.

She could mean she thinks it's pretty, and she would, if it weren't against her religion. I've said similar things in bridall parties I was a part of.

It doesn't matter that she originally liked the dress and said she was comfortable wearing it. The fact is, she has changed her mind and would rather be covered up. What is more important to you? You need to let it go.

One of my close friends is LDS, going sleeveless, strapless at that is not an option! I would never expect her to wear anything that conflicted with modesty standards. I'm sure part of her would like to wear something like that, but the bottom line is its not appropriate for her to wear it if she is practicing her faith. It doesn't matter if your BMs look the same, it's about letting them be comfortable and be themselves. Heck, I'm not LDS but I wouldn't wear a strapless gown for a friend. It's too revealing and I don't feel comfortable in them because I have a larger chest.

LDS here, too... Hi, Swin. Sleeveless is only an options if she hasn't been endowed (garments), which if she's been to the temple, she has been. But even when going sleeveless, we've been taught since teens that sleeves are required for modesty. I am thinking she may have thought the dress was pretty, and if she weren't LDS might not have minded wearing it. You don't want to tell the Bride you don't like the dress that was picked, or do not agree with it. Especially if you are the only one, and it's because of your religion. At the time she may have been more afraid of your reaction. It's a tough spot to be in for sure. But now that she's had more time to think on it and the day is approaching, it could be that she is growing more and more uncomfortable with it and decided to speak up. Maybe her husband has reminded them of the covenants they took, which is what the garments symbolize. Maybe there is guilt as she partakes of the Sacrament every Sunday in which we take that time to reflect on the covenants we've already made with our Father in Heaven. Now, she is (rightfully) afraid of how this will look to those who raised her, those she attends church with every Sunday and works with in callings. Many may take this as a sign that her faith is wavering, or that something is amiss in her home. Then their kids want to go play at her house, and they pause. Peoples wheels turn, they wonder, that turns into whispers, and then gossip. People are people. Not infallible, not perfect, but human.. and in every religion not matter how Christlike we try to be, it happens. Some are better at not judging then others. But for sure, this could open up a whole can of worms that extends beyond just your wedding day.

My dress is strapless. I was inactive when I bought it, so I was ok with it. I've never been to the temple. Never took those covenants, so I don't have garments. But I went back a year ago, and hope to get sealed this December, so I had to do something. I did consider buying a new dress, but I had already put so much into this one to make it mine (had it chopped, etc...), so this is what I did to fix mine. It was $49.95 at David's Bridal.

*just a side note, straps will not cover the cap sleeved top she has to wear as her garment top. The back would be exposed and many bolero's cut triangular. Best rule of thumb I was taught was that it should cover the bra straps. So if the jacket cuts triangularly, as one poster posted a picture of, it won't work.

I get being frustrated because she originally agreed to it. Since it's a religious belief though, I'd say let her wear a shawl, but she should absolutely pay for it. And I honestly think you'd be within reason to ask her to send you a pic before she buys it so you can ok it if you want to. That's probably overkill but the bitchy part of me that would be very frustrated by her original agreement, especially since it sounds like you checked with her to make sure she was ok with it ahead of time.

Just let her wear the shawl. No big deal and don't tag her in pictures just in case.

I feel very strongly that "look" is completely unimportant if it makes people you love uncomfortable. This is not someone being insecure with their shoulders, this is a part of their religious culture. To ask her to change it would be incredibly insensitive.

ETA: FutureMrsWade said it perfectly.

Can she wears bolero that matches the dress so it's at least the same color? My friend was in a very religious wedding where all BMs wore boleros. Her's didn't match the dress tho since the bride wanted a different color

I would let her wear the shawl.

Let her wear the shawl. Uniformity is not that important in the grand scheme of things!

It's not as simple as you not tagging her - and even if she untagged herself people will see its the internet. If you don't allow her to wear a shrug - I think you need to keep those photos off the Internet.