Laughably Bad Wedding Advice

FMIL really wanted me to do a tiered reception. That was a hard no from me.

I was told I shouldn't follow up with people who didn't rsvp. I also was told I should find a babysitter for children (even though we invited kids), and I was told every woman invited to the wedding should have been invited to the shower (not by the host mind you) which would have easily been 120 women

1. "What's that dance where you put an apron on the MOH and have people throw money at you? You should do that!" -Neither of us families have done that.

2. "Just go ahead and invite them, there's no way they'll come." -When trying to cut the guest list.

Edit: clarification

Okay. So this wasn't advice exactly but my mom(again see a trend) went and got her eyebrows waxed three days before wedding. The girl doing it mentioned how bad my moms blackheads were on her nose. Talked her into having them taken care of. My mom was black and blue. Her nose and under her eyes. She wouldn't come to rehearsal dinner and wouldn't leave the house except to come to my house morning of to have her makeup done(which hadn't been planned on). Then after she had makeup done and the MUA told her the price she FLIPPED OUT. I paid for it and at least she wasn't black and blue anymore.

ETA-I was ready to go down to the salon and throat punch the girl who's bright idea it was.

Not advice but within HOURS of being engaged, a friend asked if we were doing a mashed potato bar like another couple did.

" you have to walk down to the wedding march"

"ask everyone to just bring sides and you just get meat"

"the reception is not a restaurant people get what they get, no need to go all out with different choices"

"why are you making this a big deal, you are probably getting divorced anyway"

and that is just some of the crap my family and fh family has told me

My mom suggested that we switch the open bar to a cash bar after the cocktail hour. Noooo, mom...just NO.

I was told that I don't need to provide enough cupcakes/cakes or dessert for everyone to have a serving.... I feel like providing for every guest is hosting 101...

My bridesmaid b-listed for her wedding and told me I should do it if people rsvp no. For her wedding a guy and his date cancelled after he rsvp'd yes. So the night before the wedding, she called 2 other friends and invited them. Surprisingly, they came. I side eye her for inviting them and side eye the 2 friends for going with 12 hours notice and validating this. This same bridesmaid also told me we had to have fish as an option for cocktail hour and dinner. My H is deathly allergic to seafood so that was an automatic no due to potential cross contamination but she was adamant it's tacky not to offer fish.

1. "Do the dollar dance" hard no, thankfully my mom had already implanted in me how tacky this was, even though it's big in Hispanic families.

2. "Ask one of your friends who are photographers to take the photos" first they are my friends, so i don't want them working at my wedding. second, they don't even do photography for events. so yeah no

3. "can *insert random person* come to the wedding, they will pay for their plate" NO, i invite who i know and want, nobody is giving money to be at the wedding just cause.

FMIL told FH that she wasn't dressing up just because it's a wedding (only son getting married)

My mother said I shouldn't have music because nobody dances anymore (wtf? Shes sooo outdated)

Sister told me I'm wasting my money (because she hated her own wedding because she never researched how to plan a wedding)

No bad advice, but if I hear one more time how FSIL had her wedding catered for $14 pp at aunt and uncles neighborhood club house I may put my head threw a wall

My mom keeps wanting me to invite everyone I've ever known for #3 reasons. Convenient that she's not paying for any of these "gift" guests.

Friend of mine said "make sure your FH gives you a lap dance after he goes under your dress to get the garter"

Hard FUXK NO, not even doing a garter toss

Future MIL suggested having coffee and snacks at Starbucks after the rehearsal instead of a rehearsal dinner to save on money. WTF????

These are just a couple of the cringeworthy advice we've gotten

ETA: grammar

I get #3 on an almost daily basis. My mom has also suggested we do a cash bar to save money

Annnnnnnd ANOTHER (sorry y'all, this is proving to be exceptionally therapeutic, I've ben letting all this shit get to me but when I stop and think about it, it's objectively pretty funny).

So my MoH is non-binary. She still identifies as a woman but she prefers to present as androgynous. Her boyfriend/life partner is also not traditionally masculine. Anyway, I know for a fact that she's uncomfortable in dresses/ultra femme clothing, so I asked if she'd prefer a tailored suit instead (men's or women's, her choice) and she was pretty ecstatic.

Anyway, FMIL was asking about flowers for the bridesmaids and I said, "Oh and I'll need one boutineer for MoH because she will be wearing a suit. Her boyfriend is not in the wedding party though." FMIL scoffed, and said "WHY?! Why won't you LET HER WEAR A DRESS?!". I responded "Uh...She can wear whatever she wants. She wants to wear a suit. Honestly, they fit her frame better anyway and it's what she's comfortable in." MIL then switched it around, "So....You're LETTING her wear A SUIT?! You don't think it would be better if you had her wear a dress?!" "No. She's my friend. Not my fashion accessory." "So...MoH is... wearing a suit..." "Yes." "And she has a....boyfriend?" She flat out couldn't wrap her head around it. She's asked twice since if I'm sure that my MoH "isn't gay".

The florist referred to MoH as "the bridesman". I corrected her, "Haha no...She's wearing a suit but she is a woman." The florist said, "Oh I know...That's just what we call a bridesmaid who wears a suit. A bridesman." Bitch no.

ALSO ALSO: We let our caterer know that I am a vegetarian MONTHS before our tasting. When we got to our tasting they presented us a "completely vegetarian lunch...Shrimp and crab only!" When I apologized that I actually do not eat fish either my caterer looked like she'd been slapped and said, "No FISH either?! Oh my god you're horrible!" FH was having none of that shit and said, "We said she's vegetarian, not Catholic."

@crazy omgggg vent away, you really need to. I would have been so pissed at all of it.

Lol my FMIL did #3.

I got the "invite more people, you will get more gifts " advice a lot. Uh at 100 dollars a plate? No thank you.

Fortunately we have not discussed a lot with people, as I don't want advice, but since we are looking at venues, EVERYONE has a venue suggestion (a park, in a random location we have no desire to go to!) a restaurant this waiter works at, etc!!

At work, all of my coworkers are recently married, so everyone recommends doing exactly what they did. My friend recently suggested we get married on the roof deck of our apartment complex. The management here can't even find your Amazon package, I'm not going to plan my wedding with them.

My FH also said the other day that "Taking requests was what a DJ was for." Hmm, or no.