Laughably Bad Wedding Advice

FMIL totally has done #3 multiple times to FH. I just smile and look at him like "you fix this, I'm just gonna be over here..."

My college friend said "I'll make your wedding cake!" Haha, no. Yes we went to pastry school together, but I made my sister's wedding cake (cheesecakes actually) and it fucking sucked. Not doing that to my friends!

Omg, those are definitely worse than anything I've gotten.. i think the one I've heard that i won't forget is "wear a garbage bag under the dress so when you have to pee you can just roll it inside out and tuck the dress in it"

Yup! FMIL told FH "since you dont drink and she ( Me) does, you should just cut alcohol out and save money."

- FH drinks all the time BTW

Wow, those are bad lol. So far I've only gotten my mom telling me that I HAVE to have my half sister (who only calls me when she needs money) as one of my BM because if you have a sister, that's the rule. She couldn't even pick out my children or FH in a line up but she should stand next to me when I get married? No thanks.

TWO WEEKS?! *breathes into paper bag*

FMIL wanting to host a BBQ "for everyone who wasn't invited to the wedding". FH put a hard stop to this.

FMIL hearing that two close family friends weren't able to make it and offering to suggest others to "fill seats". FH also put a stop to this. So cringeworthy!

1. My mom told me not to waste money having rehearsal dinner catered. Just make a turkey and all the fixings for everyone.

2. My mom(see a trend) called like 10 days before wedding and said for a gift they would cover the catering costs for reception dinner. I cried. They asked how much. I told them. They had a fit over wasting money when we could have just had everyone bring a dish. They ended up gifting us $1000.

"You have a year to send out thank you notes." -friend who has helped a number of couples plan their weddings and acted as their DOC. There's a reason we used professionals and didn't ask for her help with ours!

My mom suggested a potluck and when I turned down that advice she threw a hissy fit and said "Thats how we did it back in my day." I said "Well this is my day and I'll do whatever I want." I've gotten a few friends saying I should do a honeyfund, cash bar, money dance, and no alcohol. These friends have told me they went to weddings with those and I cringed.

My husband's grandmother kept insisting that we get married in a church...because that just how its done. Um..no. We arent religious and we still dont understand why she cared because she is Lutheran and we are technically Catholics even though we dont practice.

ETA: my mom was also pro honeyfund and wouldnt listen to my reasoning until I told her that we had to pay the balance of the honeymoon before we would even get the money...then she shut...ugh we were perfectly capable and did pay for our own honeymoon no problem!

FMIL insists that you don't have to invite people's SO's unless they are married. Which is actually really funny because she isn't married to the man she's been with for 18+ years and the father of her youngest children. FH goes, "Oh, so you won't mind if we don't invite Phil? Since you're not married?" His bluntness cracks me up.

ETA- Just for clarity, I'm not judging her for not being married. I just thought her advice was funny given her situation.

FMIL suggested the "rehearsal" dinner be a Saturday night a few weeks before the wedding because her daughter (the best person) has school age children and wouldn't be able to stay for the dinner! And FH thought it was a good idea for a little bit!

Bonuses! Not wedding advice but still cringey as hell.

1. My bio dad pitched a royal FIT because we're not inviting family outside of immediate (FH's dad has 6 siblings and each has 2-3 kids, and most have grandkids...FH's mom has 2 siblings with kids, grandkids, and one great grand...Just his family would have put us at over 120 people if we kept it to first cousins). I relented and said we'd find a way to invite my 2 aunts and uncles...Not good enough. Had to invite my cousin...and my cousin's two kids. FH said hell no. Dad then said, "well then I just don't want y'all gettin y'all's feelings hurt cuz you invited Aunts and Uncle but they don't show up because cousin's kids ain't invited." FH looked at him and said, "...We won't. We weren't planning on inviting them anyway."

2. Same friend as 6 week girl and invitation girl asked: "Oh hey can you invite my family too? My mom really wants to come." Bitch I just told you "it's a small wedding. we're not even inviting our aunts and uncles." She asked "how small?" and I said "40 tops." She just replied "damn that's small. Okay then, if (SO) can't come, I'll just have my mom come instead!" Okay first, your mom is a royal bitch who flat out insulted my appearance the last time I saw her. Second...Your girlfriend's name is going to be on the invitation...Not "plus one" and not "and guest".

My mom has given a lot of bad advice: no seating chart, order food for 2/3 of your guests because there's always too much, invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner, do black-tie attire at an outdoor wedding, invite more people because 100 is too small, make a strict color dress code for guests so everyone matches, split up couples at tables so they meet new people, etc.

"Your dad can photograph your wedding!"

He is a professional photographer and has shot plenty of weddings but no way in hell is he photographing ours! He is a VIP guest. I'm not anti-friendor in all cases, but that is a hardcore no.

One of my aunts (love her) suggested to my sister when she was engaged that we do it on our family property (dirt road) and just have a pig roast with pot luck sides. She also asked me if I wanted her to sing opera at my ceremony. Lololol.

@Kate, I remember the pinstripe suit thing. That makes me LMAO

@Kate I almost snorted my cream soda through my nose at "20's rustic gangster theme"...Like wtf even?

@Iyla I think my heart just speed up at "split up couples at tables so they meet new people"...That literally sounds like my nightmares.

Oh I thought of more.

1. Recently my mom asked if my bridesmaids were throwing me a shower...She knows that I hate parties and didn't want a shower. "Nope." "WHY?! THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO!" "Because I don't want one." "What if I threw you one?" "No." "But gifts!" "No. We have a registry. If our guests want to give a gift they'll either buy off the registry or write a check at the wedding." "Okay...then what if I throw you an 'engagement party' and people CAN bring gifts?" "What? No." She then suggested a money dance. I said no. Then she called me 'miserable'.

2. FMIL's friend that FH doesn't know assumed she was invited. Thank god FMIL shut that down.

3. Multiple conversations with FMIL and FFIL as to why we can not/won't be having FSIL 'cater' our wedding...These conversations are almost always followed by "When WE got married we only spent x and I mean...No formal invites or anything, word just went around town and people showed up...My uncle made a huge pot of gumbo and that was it!" Like...Kay? That was what? The 70's?

1. "Just have a cash bar" -Dear dad

2. In conversation about potential idea of honeymoon "Well just do a honeyfund and we'll tell everyone about it and they will just buy your tickets and trips and such" -SIL

My gram wanted me to B list her nieces and nephews "because some of them are under the impression that they'll be invited". Not my problem, gram! I've never implied that.