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Super October 2020

Last to know about Sil’s Pregnancy

Michelle, on March 14, 2021 at 7:55 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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My sister in law told me yesterday she was pregnant through text. Apparently the whole family knew already except me. She went out of her way to have dinner with her dad and step mom, then her mom and stepdad, then her siblings (including my husband) and told them in person a few weeks ago. She told husband not to tell me and she wanted to tell me personally. All I got was a text and was the last to know today. At first I was excited but then later I can’t help but have thus nagging feeling of feeling excluded.

I get wanting to share the news with parents or your siblings first but I feel a bit slighted that I wasn’t supposed to know until weeks later and I got a text. I thought we were closer than that considering I’ve been around for 10 years, we have our double dates, she was my bridesmaid. Though, I have to admit there have been many times I never felt fully included, but it has gotten better since I married in last year.
Honestly, without being mean, am I being silly here? What would you do?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Rebecca, on March 15, 2021 at 3:12 AM

Devoted November 2017
Rea · on March 14, 2021 at 8:37 AM
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Congrats to your sil, but really how she did her announcement is not worth allowing the rented space in your brain. Consider it this way...oh ok and go about life! I have 3 sil's, I absolutely love 2 of them, the third one is a piece of work, but my brother loves her and all of her messiness, she's tone deaf on any happenings in the family and we let her stay that way. It's a much more peaceful sleep. Imho
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on March 14, 2021 at 8:43 AM
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I can understand feeling hurt, but other than processing your feelings and moving on, there’s really nothing for you to do. Your SIL is allowed to choose how and when she tells(or not) anyone in her life about her pregnancy.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on March 14, 2021 at 9:03 AM
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I honestly think it's silly. And I'm only saying that because when I found out that I was pregnant my husband and I did the same thing. Told different people at different times. Some people found out right away some people didn't find out until I was 5 months pregnant. I don't think that's something to be upset or sad about.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on March 14, 2021 at 9:14 AM
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Thanks all! Little does anyone know, we plan to TTC later this summer. I am hoping it could be a nice bonding experience going through pregnancy together. Hoping it’s not one of those types of cases where someone feels jealous or stealing thunder lol.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on March 14, 2021 at 9:30 AM
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Bringing new life into this world is an amazing thing. There will now be cousins!
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 14, 2021 at 9:43 AM
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You’re allowed to feel disappointed, but this is her news to tell and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. I would work through your feelings independently and let them go.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 14, 2021 at 9:58 AM
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If she told you 6 months after the baby was born, or had it published in 4 countries but kept it from you, maybe it would big enough thing to worry about. So you are not first on her mind. So what. Probably some other friends were told around the same time you were, and some are yet to be told. Your own family, your in laws, your friends, your neighbors, your co workers: if you worry about how you rank over little things like when you are told pieces of news, you are spending too much time obsessed with things that simply don't matter. Fond more important thi gs to worry about than your own status in other people's lives. She is your sister in law, not your husband.
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Super September 2020
Alli · on March 14, 2021 at 10:37 AM
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I agree with Judith...
Also, we only told immediate family and included my SIL, well, her big mouth spilled the beans to my grandparents about their first great grandchild... so maybe she isn’t wanting people to accidentally slip. Less people who know, less slippage lol I wish I wouldn’t have told my SIL 🙆🏻‍♀️
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Expert September 2022
Allie · on March 14, 2021 at 11:06 AM
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That....sucks! I find it particularly weird that she didn't want your husband to tell you (why couldn't he tell his wife?!?!).....only for her to......text you? I can see if she wanted to tell you in person or something....but to me, it seems like a whole lot of unnecessary work/drama/nonsense to ask your husband not to tell you, building up to.........a text message. Womp. I would feel some type of way too. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It sounds like you are going about it the right way though...feeling your feelings and working through it!
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 14, 2021 at 12:08 PM
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Since the first thing OP brings up is that she is also planning to TTC this summer, and hopes it can be a bonding experience, maybe SIL's delayed telling her is a hint she foes not want to share until OP is a full month along. If so, I am with her there. People with conception issues over a long time, are different. But personally I hate it when people with no serious issues share plans. Some things should be kept between partners or no one but a single best friend until the pregnacy is past 3 weeks.
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VIP February 2020
Julie · on March 14, 2021 at 12:30 PM
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My best friend was a month pregnant at my wedding (I had a suspicion but said nothing). When I saw her a week later I straight up and asked her and she looked sheepish amd said yes. It was so happy. Apparently she and her husband talked about it and decided that she wouldn't say anything unless I guessed. Amd we've been best friends for 30 years. I wasn't upset that their siblings and parents knew first.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 14, 2021 at 1:29 PM
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Don't get to hopefully that you will be pregnant along side with her, for most it take a while to get pregnant.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 14, 2021 at 1:51 PM
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Yeah, and if you do get pregnant first time out, do be happy but don't go on about how easy it was for you. Many amongst you may have had miscarriages, or spent 5 years and $300K trying and not have success yet.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on March 15, 2021 at 3:12 AM
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While you are allowed to feel hurt, please consider how your SIL may be feeling:
Fatigue
Nausea
Breast pain
Cramping (yes, even while pregnant)
Dizzy
Scared
Overwhelmed
Worried
All of these are very common in early pregnancy, and she may have gone from wanting to do something special with everyone to, "I can't keep my eyes open and I also want to throw up".
Good luck with TTC. Be patient.
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