Kids in ceremony, not reception

To me it is rude. It's like you are using them as props for the ceremony.

Agreed. When it comes to kids at the wedding, it should be all or none. When you pick and choose who can/cannot bring their children, it sets up a lot of resentment.

DH and I were/are pro-kids at a wedding. We had kiddos there from 8 weeks to 18 years. There were no "melt downs" and even if there were, the parents took care of it and we never knew about it.

It will make it hard for the parents. The other option if your venue allows hire a babysitter for your reception. You don't have to worry about melt downs right in front of you and parents can enjoy themselves.

My Niece and two nephews will be in the ceremony then leaving for the reception. ..but my reception starts at 8 and they are under 6 and that is past bedtime for all of them. My brothers are fine with this and would prefer to have their respective in laws watch them after the ceremony.

No, this is NOT okay, this is rude.

Would you tell your MOH to come dressed for her role in the ceremony, take photos, and then tell her she couldn't come to the reception? If you wouldn't do that to the rest of your bridal party, why do you think it would be okay to turn children into photo props?

In my experience if kids are in the ceremony they are typically invited to the reception. You are asking their parents to get them ready for your event, be a part of that event, do pictures, and then for them to leave take them to a babysitters and then come back to your reception? I would be annoyed. If you go this route I hope you are paying for the kids outfits for your ceremony and getting their parents a thank you gift or providing the daycare on or off site. If you are having your reception at a hotel see if you can rent a room and hire a babysitter and order pizza, otherwise I would rethink your plans involving your cousins in the wedding.

I understand where you are coming from. Kids should not attend a adult party with drinking involved.

I've seen plenty of kids at an adult party with drinking involved and there's never been an issue. What do you think is going to happen? If parents bring their children, then parents will be responsible for them. They aren't going to turn them loose to go get black out drunk.

Also, it is rude to have children in your ceremony and not invite them to the reception.

I was at a wedding show the other week, and there was a babysitting company there that said they will actually come the the reception and watch the kids. If you're that worried, I'd say look into that, but I don't think the parents would have agreed to bring their kids and let them kids be in the wedding if they thought they'd have meltdowns. Granted, children are unpredictable, but I think the parents would be able to get a handle on their kids. Unless they're complete monsters, but I'm hoping you wouldn't have asked them to be in the wedding if that were the case

This is why I hate it when only the kids who are in the bridal party are allowed at the wedding too. Doesn't this feel like you are using them?

Just do no kids period, or allow kids. To me it is that simple.

Bump: In all honesty I feel like this is only going to be an issue with 1/4 families. My aunt is an alcoholic who would let her children (then 4 and 8), do as they please so that she could drink. These are the two children who are also the worst behaved out of the group.

Also I am worried that by opening the door up for them to come to the reception, it will open the door up for the other 25 kids from my extended family to come along too. I wouldn't bat an eye at this if it weren't for the fact that my family alone is 100 people and my FH and I are getting married fairly young(23/21) and we would be unable to cater to the extra bodies.

Would it be ok to invite them to the dinner, but ask the children under a certain age be taken home once it gets later into the night around the time alcohol consumption rises?

It is very rude to have them participate the ceremony and then kick them out when the reception start. You just invite the kids who will be at the ceremony and not the rest. That is totally fine.

Hire a babysitter who is not one of the guest and can keep an eye on the kids.

It's always rude, OP. No way around it. If you are truly concerned about kids at your reception then just invite adults and don't have kids in the ceremony.

If you want them to be a part of your wedding, as in, a part of the ceremony, you must invite them to the reception. It is beyond rude not to. I am the most anti-kid, adults-only bride you'll ever meet, but when kids are IN the wedding, they need to be invited to the reception. Most of the time parents will arrange for them to be picked up early. But to have little Suzie be forced to throw flowers before you walk down the aisle and not even give her a piece of cake afterwards is shitty. This does not mean you have to invite all children in the family to the wedding; you can invite only the kids in the wedding party and thats fine, but you must invite them to both ceremony and reception.

Splitting families is also pretty rude. If a family has one kid 15 and one 16 does it make any sense to you that they can bring only the 16 year old? You seem to want a child furee wedding. That is 100% fine and there are plenty of ways to make sure that happens, even with a family that feels entitled to bring the kids. Just be prepared that some families won't come and some won't be able to because of child care issues. If that's ok with you and your partner, just have the wedding you want.

My daughter was a flower girl at my SILs wedding and wasn't invited to the reception. We had to drive 5 hours to the wedding and ask my sister to come and babysit at the hotel. So it cost me 2 hotel rooms and extra expenses. I would have preferred to leave her with my sister at her house instead of her being a prop.

If they're invited to the ceremony, they must also be invited to the reception, as it would be for any guest.

It's incredibly rude. It's no better than inviting adults to the ceremony, but not the reception. Plus, how TF are the parents going to manage this? They'll have to leave to take their kids home to a babysitter?

Either include them entirely, or don't include them at all.

Not okay to force parents to do this unless you're paying for a babysitter at the location of your reception

This is pretty rude, and also illogical. It sounds like you really want to have a childless wedding. This would mean no children at the ceremony or reception.