Kids at the wedding

I’ve been flamed before for saying this; but I hate the concept of “no kid” weddings. To me, weddings are about family, and joining families, and I just don’t understand excluding a huge part of a family. I have a huge family, so does my husband, both with numerous small kids, as well as friends with young kids. Many of them chose to have a babysitter, but many did not. And we have some precious photos because of those kids! I think what turned me off to the idea is the way so many brides talk about kids, like they are all demons and sticky and awful and such an inconvenience to their “vision” or trying to say because there’s alcohol it isn’t “child friendly” like these people never have a glass of wine at home... it’s just an excuse to exclude family. This whole game about how kids ruin ceremonies and receptions, I don’t get that either and that’s just never been my experience..... idk. I mean I’m one of 18 first cousins and most of my cousins have 2-4 children (yay Catholics!) and it’s never been an issue. I’ve been to over 20 weddings and never felt like a kid ruined any part of it, including my own wedding. I’ll get off my soap box now.

While we don't have any kids in the bridal party, all kids are invited to our wedding.
I understand why some people don't want them there, but between our cousins and our friends, there are a lot of kids/babies in our life. We want them there to celebrate, to help liven up the dance floor, and to have fun.
I remember going to one or two weddings as a kid, and I absolutely LOVED getting dressed up, and playing with the ribbons/balloons/whatever, and dancing with my dad.

We'll be hiring a babysitter to provide a safe, quieter place for the kids during the day, but, otherwise, we look forward to the 3 year olds busting up the dance floor with us.

My FH was very anti kids from the get-go. We have an extremely small family. Very recently my sister got married and now has 2 step children. When we told my sister and mom they both freaked out and were upset. My mom stated “asking your sister to not bring her kids is like telling her to not bring her husband!” Personally we just get don’t desire having kids around during this moment. Don’t get me wrong I love the kids but we just explained it’s our wedding we are paying for it ourselves and it’s our only request.

View Quoted Comment Exactly how I feel, Cheyenne. I just feel as though it should be a very intimate night from beginning to end. Which, from my experience at my SNL’s wedding 2 weeks ago, I absolutely do not want kids running around and jumping off the chairs or sticking their fingers in the cake.

View Quoted Comment Same girl! All the weddings I’ve been to with kids they were running around in the middle of the ceremony and making a mess of the venue. The parents were too busy trying to party to actually parent. So my thought is just tell everyone no kids and that way everyone can relax and I don’t have to worry about kids going where they aren’t allowed.

Too be honest I'm going through the same issue. There will always be an issue when it involves kids coming or not coming to the wedding. Money and safety is a huge factor, especially when it comes to where you have your venue. However, in the end, it's your wedding. My fiance and I decided to only invite close family (so we have kids we know) and we're making it clear that kids need to be watched. Every couple is different so just discuss about it with your fiance some more. If it helps you could only have the flower-girl and ring bearer as the only kids that come which could be an exception since they'll be part of the wedding party. That's just my opinion though.

You're going to get very strong responses from both perspectives. I tend to agree with the first poster. I can't imagine not having kids at my wedding. They're family too. If they're on your FH's side of the family, they're now your family as well. Not every child is an out of control, sticky, cake eating, heathen who will ruin the whole day. Some parents can control their kids and some kids are just naturally well behaved. If you have a friend or relative who do have kids that don't listen, or the parents just don't do anything when they act up, you could always talk with them. Or have someone at the wedding be in charge of asking parents to take the kids out of the ceremony if they're disruptive. I could go on. But it's your wedding, do what makes you and your fiancé happy

I’m team no kids - with the exception of wedding party. Everyone can have their opinions & chose how they want throw their weddings. But guests should respect the decision of the bride/groom/FH/FW - it’s their decision whether to include kids.

I'm team no kids and I come from a huge family. I have 10+ nieces and nephews (I'm one of 13) and although I'm their favorite aunt and the queen of sleepovers there will be no kids at my wedding. We also chose an Adults only resort in JA so kids weren't an option. My reasoning is not because they ruin weddings but the reason is because there will be alcohol there and I don't want to mix alcohol with kids. Guest are treating this as a vacation/wedding all in one and some don't have kids I don't want anyone to have to watch their language or feel they can't drink around the kids etc. Kids will be there for our wedding shower in NY where they will get to dance and celebrate with us but we decided collectively to not have kids at the wedding and we are sticking to it. Sorry but not sorry to anyone who gets offended it's our day and we are firm on our decision.

So Miko if you and your FH have collectively decided stay firm to your decision.

We have a lot if kids in our family but we are only inviting the ones we are closest with

Its YOUR wedding. If you want it's to be adults only then everyone should respect that. I work with kids 10 months out of the year. I want my special day to be without a screaming child a tantrum, a wild mini running around the venue... no no no. Kids get into everything too.

While it's not within my personal beliefs to say no kids it is VERY common! This comes up at least once a week on these forums.
You will get sour looks and comments for it, people won't come and make a big deal out of it, if you're sure about your choice stick to it and just be ready to deal with it.

A lot of mixed feelings on this post... I am also personally inclined to say no kids. I love kids, I have a niece and a nephew and my FH's side has a lot of small kids. I just feel like this is my wedding and I don't think this is the time for them to be all running around screaming. I've seen these kids all together, and I love that they enjoy playing together, I just would rather not worry about whose not playing with who, etc. I haven't had this conversation with my FMIL yet, so we'll see how this goes.

Children are welcome at our wedding. They are family and we want them there. We know how they can be and yes there is drinking involved on that day but if their parents want to leave them at home they can. You're probably going to get a lot of push back from the family on this issue if you decide on no kids at the wedding. It goes with the territory when inviting some who live in the same house and not others.

Everyone is different for sure but there is no way I want to kids at my wedding. It’s a great opportunity for adults to have a night out without their children but more importantly it’s your special day and you should do what you want. Kids tend to get tired after a while, they start running around and putting their fingers in the cake and all kinds of other things. The most important thing is that it’s your wedding and you should be able to do whatever it is that you want to make this day special for you as possible and don’t try to please everyone else . Good luck!

For us it was more of a financial/custody issue. My brothers both have kids from previous marriages/relationships and their exes are not always agreeable to switching the schedule around, even for something like their aunts wedding. Which stinks. Plus our venue only takes off 10 dollars for kids (basically the price of alcohol), and with 13 nieces and nephews between us we were looking at over 1,000 dollars just for the kids. And that's not including the rest of our cousins/friends kids. It wasnt in the budget for us. We talked to our families and they agreed it was okay to have a kid free wedding, they wouldnt be upset by it. We plan on doing something special with the kids after the wedding the next time we are home since we live out of state now.

I've been to kid free and non kid free weddings and each has its pros and cons just like anything in life. I truly think it should be the decision of the couple getting married however. It is their day and whether or not they want kids at their wedding is their choice. As friends and family of these couples, we should respect their decision just as we hope they would respect whatever ours is for our wedding.

View Quoted Comment I think since you sister is immediate family then she should technically be allowed to bring her new step children. Generally when people have adult only weddings there are still children involved if they have them in the bridal party or immediate family. I have a flower girl and ring bearer and both of their siblings but they are also my immediate family. Then I have 3 others, 1 is family and 2 are pre teens that I’ve know since they were in diapers who I personally wanted there. Other than that there are some teenagers that will be there, but they’re 17. I think if you let your sister’s step children come people would be understanding because they’re immediate family. No on expects you to not include family on your wedding day. But, it also kind of depends on how old they are. If they’re younger there may not be anyone else to play with and they’ll be bored. If they’re little I get it, we really did not want any little kids running around and being annoying. Especially if there are drinks involved!

View Quoted Comment It really does, doesn’t it! 🤣 we are allowing specific children (immediate family and 2 other kids I’ve know literally forever) and I’m sure we will have people upset over that. But, I really don’t care at this point. My wedding is 49 days away and I have bigger fish to fry! I actually had someone ask me after my RSVPs went out of it was really an adult only event 🙄 to which I said “yes I’m so sorry only the kiddos in the bridal party please!” But I was thinking “yeah it is for YOU” 😬 sorry NOT sorry.

View Quoted Comment I feel the same way, Megan!

I think it's down to each individual couple to decide whether kids are allowed or not and I wouldn't judge anyone who decided on no kids BUT if you make that decision then I believe you have to accept that this will make it impossible for some of your invited guests to attend and not hold it against them. Their non-attendance is, after all, down to a decision you made.

My own view is that weddings are not supposed to be pristine, picture perfect events - if that's what you what then fine, but they are supposed to be a celebration of love and family in all its messy glory and that includes kids. Kids love weddings, in my experience, they can tell that there's excitement in the air and they love to dance and have fun just like the rest of us. I think sanitising a wedding by removing the kids because you're worried about sticky fingers in the cake or kids running around is kind of missing the point. Imperfections are what make it unique and perfect and full of joy. Some of the best wedding pictures I've ever seen involve kids being cheeky or mischievous and really capture the joy of the occasion. Those are the kinds of memories that make the day. Who can forget the huge grin on the face of the page boy who carried Megan Markle's train, it was pure joy, and I personally don't understand why people want to take that out of the equation.

I think the alcohol excuse is just that, an excuse. Parents know that alcohol will be served so it's up to them whether they are comfortable with that, but like a PP said it's not like people never have a drink in front of their kids. If your wedding is likely to get messy enough with alcohol to have a genuine issue with having kids around then I reckon you have bigger problems and I say that as a Scottish person who likes a drink herself and will have a wedding full of other Scottish people!

I've said to parents to bring their kids if it makes it easier for them but to feel free to leave them with a babysitter if they'd rather have a kid-free day themselves. As long as they confirm either way when they RSVP , I'm easy!

But, each to their own, just steel yourself for any potential blowback!