Kicking sister out of wedding party?

Thanks for the input everyone. This situation is so difficult for my family, and my sister to navigate.

@OP I have unfortunately dealt with heroin addiction in my family. It's hard. They push people away. But you just have to work at it and tell her you're there for her. I agree with Jessie, enabling is the worst thing you can do. Offer your help and if she doesn't take it, let it be. If she doesn't want to change, she won't. She'll come to her senses.

With the wedding, if she doesn't want to be involved, don't make her be. Pretty simple. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it is. Try to get her some help for her issues she has going on in her life, your wedding is secondary

My brother is an addict. Has been for years and years now. Basically, for my wedding day I have a, "If he shows up" plan and a "If he doesn't show up" plan. I have mentally prepared myself for both situations.

Going to family meeting through his rehab (he has gone 3 times now) has really helped me and my family. I posted on here a few months ago freaking out about what I should do if he didn't show up, and afterwards I went to a couple private counseling sessions where they helped me figure out my plans above.

I totally understand that my wedding is secondary. The times I have tried to include her in the wedding stuff were when she got upset when she found out my other sisters had seen my dress. (My mom mentioned it to her) So I tried to include her, to which she doesn't respond. I am not trying to force her. She gets jealous of my other sisters involvement. I'm damned if I do damned if I don't.

It sounds like she has excluded herself as a bridesmaid. Yeah, I wouldn't trip and continue on w/ your planning. If she whines about why she's not in the party, tell her like you just told us then walk away. Besides she may just be in her feelings that BF isn't welcomed to the wedding or anything else.

I wouldn't kick her out if you already asked her. That will just make a bad situation worse.

Lots of good addiction advice has already been given.

I would send her a text of the dress and how to get it. And then if she shows up, great. If not, have a backup plan. (Not a backup bridesmaid, just know what you'll do if she doesn't show.)

Leah, no I'm not in therapy. I totally agree that I should be. I will look today for one that is covered by my insurance.

It's not clear if you've specifically asked her to be in your wedding party. As is said on here many times a day, a bridesmaid's sole responsibility is to wear the chosen dress and show up sober. It sounds like she can't be trusted to show up sober.

PP's have it covered. I'll just add that you probably don't have to "kick her out." Not that you should anyway. Sounds like she'll effectively take herself out by not purchasing the dress. Leave the ball in her court.

I didn't "officially" ask her. She assumed, in fact assumed she would be my MOH. I made it clear that she wouldn't be my MOH, especially if she doesn't want to get ready with the wedding party before the wedding.

I did however, after pressure from my mom at the time, start including her as a bridesmaid.(as I mentioned earlier, she was clean and away from boyfriend at the time) To which she won't acknowledge, but gets jealous when she hears tidbits about my other sisters involvement.

Thank you @leah. It is very hard, I know it sounds kinda selfish, I tried to make everyone else happy and have only made myself unhappy. My anxiety has gotten so much worse over the last 4 years from the constant worrying.

That's exactly what I have been doing. I wanted to avoid doing the same thing esp. on my Wedding day.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Keep reaching out to her, letting her know you love her and are there for her, and just let the wedding stuff drop. Don't replace her whatever you do. I bet she doesn't show up but if she does, she will be pissed you replaced her. I'd list her as a honorary bridesmaid in the program though. Everyone who knows your situation will totally get it.

Send her the info on how to get the dress. If she gets one, great. If not, accept it and move on. You tried.

I definitely wouldn't replace her.

You already asked her. You can pretend you didn't, but you said yourself that you made bridesmaid suggestions and included her in bridesmaid discussions. You can't undo that, especially now. You need to just let leave it alone and continue supporting her. Don't exclude her. She will either show up in the dress or not. Leave it up to her.

@Isabella there's a reason we always tell two ring posters to lurk before contributing.

If you don't include her she will cause drama... so what??? She lives 8 hours away. You don't have a relationship. She literally ignores you when you speak to her. Do NOT include her in your bridal party. You are under zero obligation to.

Erika, it sucks to hear about your difficult situation. You have validation for being upset with her. I think if she's acting this way, I don't think that she'll make a turn-around later on. It seems that you genuinely care for your sister.

I think you should just invite her to your wedding as a guest. If she reacts negatively, remind her how she acted when you tried to speak to her about it.

Thank you @christina!

I'm not entirely sure why you asked her in the first place. I get you wanted to include her and it's your sister. But it seems like this was inevitable...

@alyssa no she can't. She doesn't work. She and her bf bum off of his father. IF she gets a dress, she will definitely make my mom pay for it and probably make my mom pay for her trip too.