Kicking sister out of wedding party?

Just from what I've read, I can tell you this: you're wedding day should be what you want. Don't worry about what other people think or want. If you don't feel comfortable having your estranged sister up there, then dont. If she really loves you, she will understand. Also you'll be saving her money and the worry of helping to plan. She can simply enjoy your wedding as part of the guests! Only if you feel comfortable having her there though! Good luck and I hope this helps (:

I tried to speak with her about the wedding, we were in the car. She literally didn't even acknowledge that I was speaking to her! Like she just stared ahead and completely ignored me.

I then later asked her if she would be interested in coming to my bachelorette/bridal shower (I'm not planning these) she said no.

I tried to be nice and get her a Christmas gift , an urban decay palette that I knew she'd love, she never said thank you or acknowledged the gift. When I asked her if she had opened it she had the audacity to complain about it to me.

Sorry for the long winded vent. Am I crazy for not wanting her negativity to be present in the bridal party?

Eta: she also doesn't want to stay in the bridal suite with us the night before. I know if I don't include her as a bridesmaid she will throw a fit and cause drama.

Why you would pick someone you weren't close to boggles my mind, but alas. The thing is, if you are willing to have no relationship with your sister, then kick her out of the wedding.

You picked her knowing the kind of person she is. Why you would think she would change or it would change your relationship because she is in your wedding, is beyond me?

No you're not crazy at all!! I have a younger sister who has been struggling with addiction for years and our relationship isn't what it used to be. I've decided to have her involved in other ways, as being a bridesmaid won't be appropriate for where she is in her life. She's going to carry the gifts to the alter at the church with my other siblings and she's getting her hair and makeup done with me and rest of the girls. She knows I love her and understands and is still happy to be included.

Do what you need to do to make your day happy and stress and negativity free! Don't worry about what others will think or say. I've had people say "I can't imagine not having my sister be a bridesmaid" Everyone's situation is different, it's hard for some people to understand that, especially when addiction is involved.

We were starting to be on better terms, talking weekly etc. She had also left her BF and detoxed. So we were in a better place then. She has since returned to him.

It's hard because all of my childhood memories include her ya know? We are only 2 years apart.

Get thee to an Al-Anon meeting stat. You don't have to include her in everything just because she will "throw a fit". She's not three. Also, I wouldn't let my three year old get away with that.

@leahH its hard because she won't even acknowledge me or return my texts. How am I supposed to include her if she WONT let me?

My mom has even said she's not sure that my sister would even show up.

Your sister is an addict in an abusive situation and your first thought is about your wedding?

It sounds like your sister is going through something really hard and her involvement in your wedding should be the least of your concerns. I was once in a very abusive relationship and it consumed all of my thoughts. You should be reaching out to her and not bringing up the wedding. She clearly needs you and you just seem to want to talk about your wedding.

@jessiejv I wish it were that easy, she refuses treatment.

She is addicted to heroin.

I'm talking about for you. You need to go to Al-Anon to learn to deal with having an addict in the family.

ETA: You are trying to find validation with an addict. It's not going to happen unless she can snort or shoot you up for a high.

@hollyc @km I can assure you that I am not only concerned about my wedding. This is a wedding forum hence my focus on the wedding aspect of the situation.

I have wired her money so she could have gas to drive home. I have driven to where she lives 8 hrs away MANY times to help her leave. I have offered her a safe place to live. My previous relationship was an abusive one and I have talked with her and tried to be there for her for YEARS. I don't only try to speak with her about the wedding, she won't answer my phone calls, facetimes or texts when I'm just checking in on her.

I'm sure you have had countless talks with her about her addiction and her relationship, my FH struggled with additions, my brother was heroine addict for years and my now FSIL/MOH is struggling with alcoholism. I absolutely understand how you must be feeling and I'm not going to jump to conclusions and assume that you only care about your wedding because I'm sure that's not the case. With that being said, I would keep her as a bridesmaid and not talk any wedding related things with her and if she gets the dress and shows up, great! But don't worry too much about it, definitely don't invite the boyfriend and hope for the best, don't stress over it. Just be there for her right now as a sister

So you enable her addiction. You need to get counselling from someone who deals in addictions. Preferably someone who knows about addictions and families. There is a lot going on in your sister's life. You are not her saviour. You are not going to make everything better. You need counselling.

You are doing everything you can. I would look at attending the above mentioned meetings. But at this point, you have to let it go. If she shows up, great. If not, oh well.

Addiction and abuse are hard issues to deal with. Continue what you're doing (albeit no more mentioning the wedding) and be there for her when she responds. Otherwise, plan your wedding on your own without any input from her.

The biological father of my daughter was an addict.

She has left him countless times. It's such a bad situation. I often have dreams of her dying. It is terrible. I love her so much.

@jessiejv I wouldn't say that I enable her. I wired her money one time when she claimed she didn't have gas money to leave, since then I have driven myself down to pick her up to avoid giving her more money.

Look, OP, you're getting good advice here. Don't focus on the wedding, don't worry about the wedding. Leave her in as BM and if she makes it, great. If she doesn't she'll be the one regretting her decisions when she is sober. She's not sober now, and she's in a precarious living situation. Support her leaving, but don't send her money. Her BF will take it and use it for drugs.

Your sister is in a really rough situation that it very hard to leave with both the drugs and the relationship. I would suggest a Narc-Anon meeting as well to learn how to deal with her.

Sounds like she is already causing drama. I would not include her unless you already asked her.

@OP - any mollycoddling on your part enables your sister to continue in her behaviour towards you. She keeps relying on you, because you keep allowing her to, hence, enabling. Not just with money, but time and other resources. You need counselling in order to deal with her behaviour.