Kicking A Bridesmaid Out?

I know I have about 11 months before my actual wedding, but I have another friend who wants to be in the bridal party and I'd love for her to be in as well, but I don't want more than 4 total which I am at now. So should I ask her to "step down" now so I can have my other friend take her spot who I know wont pull crap? Or even just say forget 4 and just have 3!? What would you do? How would you say it? I know I have time to see if she will change, but I honestly don't think she will....

30 minutes is not far. She doesn't even work, she is a SAHM and I love her kids and they love me. Our kids all get along too. I have a BM who lives 6 hours away and is coming in August when she gets work off to see me and help. My MOH lives an hour and a half and doesnt seem to have a problem with it. The other BM works & lives about 20 minutes away, but yet still makes the time to hang out. ETC. It wouldnt be so bad if she would cancel, but nope - she just NO CALL/NO SHOW!

Oh yes.. we have had to ask some people not to be in the wedding. Ours was not lack of participation though. Ours was the bridal party was bad mouthing us on FB, and didn't think that I would see it. Needless to say it got kinda ugly, but it was the best thing that I have chosen to do. Now that they are not in it anymore, I don't have to worry about it or stress that they might ruin my day.

I have never understood the whole having trouble with members of the bridal party thing. The people I asked are the ones who I have known forever that I would ask.

I guess my only advice would be to get her out now before she causes you stress. If you don't really want her to be in it, then tell her that, but be prepared for it to ruin your friendship. Only you really know the right thing to do, but from what you have said here, I think you have already made your decision.

I am on the verge. I have one BM who I asked in February. I asked her if a $200 dress would be too much for her and she said she would figure it out and not to worry about it.

Every time I asked the girls about setting up a time to go pick out a dress she asked for more time so she can try to lose weight. I get that, I really really do, but it is now time, I can't put it off anymore. Lo and Behold, the time comes to go this month and she wants more time to lose weight. She didn't tell me this though. She whined to the other BMs about it behind my back instead. She also said she doesn't have the money. Even though she's had since February to save and has gone to the casino multiple times. If she doesn't order at the end of this month she is out.

How about the entire bridal party???!!! Yep sure did. Well all except one. My girls I have now are the absolute best!!! Too bad I didn't choose them to begin with.

Wow Rachel... That sucks. Really sucks. It's just... it's so simple to call someone and say "Hey cant make it? Reschedule?" or hell just "Cant make it"... but nope, she leaves me hanging every time we make plans and I am over it. Who knows if she will even show to the wedding? She said she is coming, but then again her track record isn't good at showing up. She has no interest in the wedding, never asks me about it. I dont bother to bring it up cuz the last time I did was to tell her when I thought the party should order their dresses and she was like "oh" and moved on to something else. Plus I plan to do programs and rather not have a "no show" bridesmaid listed on there. Plus, it's 6 meals for her family that I will pay for if she doesn't show. Plus the BM gift and such. Etc etc

I have kicked a BM out. I did it becasue it got to the point to where any idea I had was stupid or she didn't get why I wanted certain things. She has already had her wedding, it didn't work out and she's divorced. So when I first got engaged, she was all let me help you, I can make it so easy for you (she was also one of my BFF's at the time) and I glady accpeted telling her I could use all the help and advice I could get. So during conversations, she would be the one to ask stuff about the wedding, like what have I decided on, etc. Then one day after telling her I wanted an outdoor wedding if possible, she had the nerve to tell me that my dress isn't an "outdoor dress" and it wouldn't look right outdoors. Then it went on to her getting mad at me for not being able to go out with her at night to clubs and whatnot, keep in mind that I have a son, and I can't go out at that time of night, and she went as far as to tell me I was using my son as an excuse to not go places with her cont..

My best recommendation is address her with a phone call and voice the concerns. If she acts like it is not a big deal to her, try to understand why. Then if you still get the same attitude, tell you that you want a more involved bridal party, and take the responsibility for not telling her that in the first place. Allow her the option to choose to remain, with the requirements of time in place, and more than likely she will opt out because it is too much for her. She should still get an invite to the wedding though.

If its going to stress you out then make the decision that's going to make you happy. You have tons of other thigns to stress over. With my wedding party, I gave them color/length and it was up to them and well one of the BM's was amazing, she got her dress right away, shoes and all the goodies she needed. My other BM kept putting it off never really answered my emails about anything and finally said she couldn't do it, for a lot of reasons. I have sense asked a very dear friend to be my matron of honor, I asked her and already in a matter of a week got her dress/shoes. My cousin, who was like my sister is my maid of honor and told me not to worry that she will get a dress/shoes. I told FH I wouldn't worry and I'm not going to. If she gets her dress then great if not well she will be one of our guest. Do what will make you feel better.

@CKJL5410 -- I have known her "forever".... We have been friends since high school... we met in the middle of 10th grade so I was 17. I will be 27 this August so almost 10 years now. We use to hang out every day before I moved 30 minutes away. I understand that every day may be out of the picture now and I am fine with that... BUT to make plans and do "NO CALL/NO SHOW" every single time is a bit much and I am now RETHINKING her role in my wedding. Sh*t happens even when it includes friends you've known "forever".

And she did that everytime I couldn't go, she would always say smart arse remarks like I figured you wouldn't wanna go/couldn't go, but I thought I would ask anyway. This girl even got mad at me one time because she asked me to come to a cookout at her house at last minute, I told her I was at my niece's bday party and I wasn't sure how long we would be there, and I told her depending on when it was over with we might be able to stop by depending on how my son was behaving, and she got all mad saying forget it, I knew you wouldn't wanna come, but i thought I would ask anyway, dont worry about coming, I have so and so coming anyway. So yeah. I cut her and got my next closest friend to replace her, and everything is sooo much better!

It's not so much that she isn't doing "duties" because I haven't asked them to do anything yet (except the one to attend the 2 shows for me, but I told her she didnt have to. Just was something I wanted to do and asked her if she wanted to come with me and we could hang out).....

I've known my MOH all my life (she's my best friend and my sister)

BM#1 - I've known for little over 5 years now

BM#2 - was this BM and I've known her for almost 10 years

BM#3 - I've known for about 2.5 years, but my fiancee has known her for very many years so I asked her because we are good friends and because of the friendship she has with FH.

This wouldnt even be an issue if she wouldn't NO CALL/NO SHOW. I wouldn't be thinking twice about asking her to step down... BUT she is doing it ALL the time now and because of that, it has been rethinking it all. I've spoken to her about it before cuz she knows it's a pet peeve of mine (No call/No show) so I've already tried talking to her about this.

I completely understand your frustration because people who don't keep their plans without letting you know just IRK me! lol. But on the other hand, I don't think it's really fair to "kick her out" just because you don't hang out as much. I would first talk to her about it. Plus, I also don't think it's fair to compare her with your other bridesmaids because no one's situations are the same. Personally, 30 min is far for me to drive, especially with the insane high gas prices. And you said she has kids, so maybe that further complicates things. I would try going to see her to talk it out. Maybe there's something going on that you don't know about, or maybe she'll come around.

Kristina, I think you are at fault on this, knowing her track record before you even asked her should've prompted you not to ask her. I know that's beside the proint but personally I think it's very rude to ask someone to step down after you've asked them and they already said yes unless of course they do something really bad (like in Rachel's case above). Seems like your friend hasn't done anything of this sort, remember that it is not her responsiblity to help you with the wedding, you mention that she has kids, although she doesn't work I know that could be 2 full time job on it's own.

I really don't see an easy way to ask her as I think it's rude but if I were in your place I'd visit her and have a talk with her, explain how I feel and my concern and even use her track record against her by saying I know several times we plan to hangout out and I see you never show, that tells me you are very busy and I don't want to put any more burden on your plate etc... see what she says...

And go from there. Good luck to you

I kicked a bridesmaid out because she was a backstabbing, selfish Bitch with a capital B...I'm still a bit bitter lol. One no call no show is understandable, but multiple? No that's not ok. And lying to you about stuff isn't okay either. It sounds like she isn't reliable and you don't want someone who is flakey to be part of your wedding party, I understand that very well.

You can know peoplel for a long time and it may or may not make a difference. My cousin who is my maid of honor I've always considered her like my sister and since I got engaged, is like I don't exsist in her life really. She rarely brings up the wedding, and changes the subject quickly when I do. I've never asked her to do much, I've done everything on my own. I've known my Matron of Honor for about 4 years and she's a very dear friend.

@Chelsea - that's too bad that she would bring you down like that. I've learned that just becuase its not what I would want personally that I need to respect somone's decision, unless its really out there.

@ Chelsea and the others who has had to replace a BM (or entire party), how did you tell them? What did you say? Where is your friendship with those people now? Are you still friends or did you guys stop being friends after that?

I just dont know what I should say to say it in the nicest way possible. I may give it some more time to see if she changes, but that is very doubtful.

AND I dont want to wait too long cuz I know my other friend wants to be part of wedding like yesterday lol.... But I'm even thinking of just having 3 now because I know those 3 I can count on and wont have a problem with in the future.

Just so confused on what to do. Oh and yes, she would still be invited to the wedding if she still wanted to come.... She is still a friend of mine, I just cant count on her to follow thru and actually be a BM.

Mrs.in.september that sounds like a jealousy thing to me. What I don't understand is her behavior if she agreed to be your MOH. There's a position behind the title most of the time and the MOH is supposed to be the person who is around for you and to help you with the wedding (along with FS)

She gave me a BS excuse about not being able to afford the dress and a run around (which I knew very well that she could afford, especially since I made sure it was affordable for all of my bridesmaids who have varying incomes.) She started seeing a man and a woman couple and had a serious identity crisis to the point where she started cancelling plans with me. Some of her actions around that time made me wonder if she was pissed because I was happy. She told me that if I needed to, I could find someone else. I could tell she didn't want to be a part of it anymore, so I did. Three months later, I found out we weren't friends when I looked her up on fb and found out that the coward had unfriended me. There were words between us, her's were mostly "it's not you, it's me." But whatever. In this case, it really was her and not me. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm glad she and her drama is out of my life. It wasn't something I needed to deal with. cont.