Kicking A Bridesmaid Out?

Some people just have different priorities. That's fine. It's the being honest and having open communication that's important. Lying is not okay. I'd rather you tell me that you just didn't feel like getting together than for you to make up a crappy lie.

I agree with talking to her about the no shows, and how it hurt you and see how it responds, if she's genuinely apologetic, and offers for another get together and shows..then maybe don't kick her out..I'd be honest with her, voice your concerns about her commitment before just kicking her out..Btw, sorry if I missed it..but are you ever the one driving the 30 minutes to see her? Maybe you can have a get together at her house, it's kinda hard to no show at your own house lol..Give her a chance.

I don't know your situation as far as your relationship with her goes but I'd be honest with her...tactfully of course - that is, if you want to remain friends with her.

@Missy - I've tried understanding. I was really excited to ask her. And she said she was so happy to have been asked. I haven't asked her to do anything. We've kept everything simple so FH and I have done most of everything. We've had a few people around us ask what they can do. Other than that, I'm not sad because of "duties", I could care less about that because I'm capable of planning the wedding, its more because I love her and I've always been there for her.

@Kathleen B. --- It's not that we arent hanging out all the time anymore. It's that when we do make plans to hang out -- she never follows thru and doesnt call or show. I understand not hanging out as much since we lives 30 minutes from each other now, BUT it's the new "no call/no show" thing she's been doing.

@Patricia J. -- I am not at fault for this. If you would read entire post, you would see that I asked her BEFORE she started this and she said "yes" and then this started so No, I did not know her "track report" before I asked her. If I had known she was going to be like this or if she already was like this then I wouldn't have been stupid enough to have asked her. Yes, she has kids as do I. Our kids use to play together. I know how things come up with kids unexpected and such. She can easily call, text or message me on FB if she has to cancel... but she never does... And she never explains unless I ask and which she lies about it.

I can understand the sentiment Mrs. My whole point was that being the maid of honor means you talk about the wedding. I was backing you up lol, not bashing your cousin. I understand how hurtful that type of thing can be. With my friend, I was always there for her and then she pulled what she did...it sticks with you. Have you talked to your cousin about how you are feeling? Maybe she doesn't even realize that she's doing something that's upsetting you.

I had a similar situation about three months ago (asked my MOH to step down/demoted her to a bridesmaid). She also was absolutely no help though I'd done favors for her/been there for her when she needed me far more than she for me. It was INCREDIBLY awkward and a strain on the friendship, but ultimately the best decision for me. I have sisters who live 7 hrs away & another BM with a business and 2 small kids who help me out way more! She initially threw a hissy fit and took herself out of the wedding altogether.. 2 weeks later she called me & asked to be put back in (as a bridesmaid, not MOH). I'm glad that we salvaged some of the friendship, and also that she is not MOH (I chose only to have 4 BMs, no MOH) as I would have regretted giving her that position of honor if she was not going to be able/willing to help.

I say the next time you talk to her (perhaps wait for HER to call YOU), politely say that you realize she's very busy with the kids, work, etc but that you need (contd)

Someone who can be consistent/reliable and be there for you when you need a hand and based on her last few no shows, now is not the right time for her to have such a commitment.

Good luck!

Hahaha missy =) i know! and thank you. I don't have to talk about the wedding 24/7 but we talk about it maybe 5 minutes and she will change it to another subject all together.

@Kristina B - if you think talking to her can help than maybe try it. This could be a chance to save the friendship. Maybe she does not realize it until you say something to her.

@Ab Z. - lol yes it would be hard to no show at her own house. The problem is she has moved and hasn't invited me over. I do know she happens to still live by my parents, but when I asked her where she lives and tell her I will be in that area --- she never gives me an address or wants to make plans. I think what it is is that she has 4 kids and if she wants to get out of the house and leave them home with their dad so she can get a break which I understand. Last plans that were made which was for today, she was only bringing two kids. But no call/no show and she has "disappeared" so cant get a hold of her which happens every time as well then in 2-3 days she will give excuse/lie.

I have also tried to talk to her about the no shows, told her how it makes me feel and all that. She gives me excuses which I later end up finding out were lies because she either slips up or forgets what she told me the first time and changes the story lol.

I have also offered to pay for her gas

Maybe you should talk to her on the phone and tell her you've noticed that she has been so busy that she hasn't been able to keep the plans you've made, or even let you know that she can't make it. If she is that busy, or distracted, or whatever, then you suspect she doesn't have the time to be involved with planning for your wedding, and you're offering to let her off the hook. See what happens... But if you're sure you want her out, don't frame it as a question. Just tell her that while you value her friendship, you really need to rely on your bridesmaids and she has just not been at all reliable since moving, for whatever the reason.

@Kristina, I did read the entire posts and you didn't mention that this started after the fact. All the other posts you didn't specify that this when this started, it seems like it's been going on forever since you moved which you didn't mention when that was, again sorry I misunderstood. On the last post you gave that impression it was posted at the same exact time as mine, sorry I didn't see it as I was typing and posting at the same time as you were.

Like I said before, I still think it's rude to ask someone to step down after you've asked them unless they've done something really bad that's related to the wedding. I don't know what you expectations are of your BMs, so you have to go from there and talk to her about them and make a decisions from there. Good luck

Well I think you asked too early. You have a little less than a year to go and people and relationships change in that time period. If you really don't want her to be in the wedding just be honest, but you have to be prepared that your relationship will really go downhill. I'm a stickler for symmetry, so I would ask the other girl. I had to replace a bridesmaid and I'm glad that I did. She was selfish and self centered. Needless to say, we are cordial, but not friends. That was my SIL who I had known and been friends with for over 14 years.

I got engaged September 29th, 2010... I moved the day after Thanksgiving 2010.

She started this NO SHOW/NO CALL thing about 4 months ago.

No expectations for my BM are to offer help if they want to help (which a few have), buy your dress and show up at the wedding. Also to attend the bach party for me cuz I wanna party it up with my girls.

My problem is she is going to pull a NO SHOW/NO CALL for my wedding and such. I have another friend who wants to be in that I know would actually show and be there, but I am not sure if I want to replace her with the other friend or just have 2BM with 1 MOH instead of 3 BM with 1 MOH.

I mean, I told her I would cover the difference in her dress if she didn't have ALL of the money (even though I am looking @ cheaper dresses to help all BP) then there is the gift I plan to buy her, the spa thing I am doing with my BM before my bach party in which will need to be prepaid for, plus her flowers I am paying for, etc

Not to mention, I am listing entire bridal party in the programs and such so I would be giving her credit like the others even if she doesn't show...

But if think about it --- what I am doing with and for my girls - money wise adds up. If she isn't going to show up then why help her buy her dress, buy her a nice gift, pay for her to have a spa day, pay for the extra flowers, etc? Thats money I could be saving!

Yes Edwina - I probably did ask too early, but I was so excited and when you are friends with someone for a long time... I guess I just thought "well, our friendship hasnt changed in the last 9 years.... another year isn't going to change it either!" lol

I feel your pain girl, I went through a similar situation! I would go ahead and ask her to step down but not ask anyone else for a little while to take her place if you are wanting to. Things can change quite fast. good luck!

I am in the exact same situation. I can't rely in her to come down( about 2 hours) the 3 or 4 times for dress fittings. I have 53 days! But I have a friend here that been a HUGE help. My bm has been my best friend for years. Just not sure what to do!!!

I have a very close friend who married my brother. I asked her to be a bridesmaid, only to find out that she had cheated on my brother. They are since working out their problems, but I do not feel comfortable having her stand up next to me on my wedding day given what she had done. I emailed her saying that given recent events i no longer found it appropriate for her to be a party of our wedding party, and she responded with "go ahead and remove me off the guest list as well if you already haven't". I feel terrible, and have been crying...but I have to stick to my guns on this...it's the hardest thing I've had to do.

All of you are VERY catty and i'm surprised you are even able to keep a man to get married in the first place. Bridesmaids are there for support NOt to be a slave. And truthfully it IS hurtful to ask someone to step down after you have already asked them to commit as this has happened to me. My best friend from high school was getting married and I had just been through a breakup and she said that because i got broken up with I couldn't be happy for her (the wedding was in six months). Sometimes being a friend goes both ways. I understand that a wedding should be about the bride but your friends also have things they are going through and you have to be there for them as well. I hope to God I am not this way when I get married next year. So far my sister is the MOH and hasn't done anything to help and yet I ham so happy to have her stand by my side for support as she is busy with nursing school and I enjoy doing things with the fiancé. I will NOTbe asking any of my maids to step down as they will all be people I thought about before hand and made sure the decision was made with sound judgement BEFORE asking them