Is this appropriate?

The bridesmaid gift and "covering your plate" costs are the most off putting to me. She should be giving YOU a gift for being her bridesmaid not the other way around. Also I personally gift 200-300 for wedding depending on our relationship with them. If they go with a high plate price, that's their choice but I'm not "paying for it".

Wow, this is not customary in any circles I know of.

No on the engagement gift. A nice handwritten letter expressing your joy might be nice.

Bridal Shower Gift: $50 in our circles, maybe up to $100, but wow.

Bridesmaid Gift: Not a thing.

Wedding Gift: What you can afford to give, after considering you are spending money to be in the wedding, and so on. Make it what you can afford.

Umm no your not required to do all that.. Are they having an engagement party if so a small gift photo album or something. .if no party no gift. .no bridesmaids gift. Your a bridesmaid you get gift from b and g... Bridal shower is usually held by moh and bridesmaids so that is a gift you all could chip in for one nice gift if wanted. You for bach parties cover your part of said trip and then all bms and moh cover brides cost.. And there is no way you pay for your own food at the reception. .thats just not right or proper.. If your having to do all said items i would simply say since im paying for my meal thats my our wedding gift to you...

No. Nope. Nah.

1 and 3 are unecesary. I always gift what I think the price per plate was. The wedding is not just the food, so I don't see it as paying for their wedding, but more or so alleviating the cost of it. I don't attend showers (Unless we are super close), If I did maybe I would be more conservative with the wedding gift. I like using the "per plate" cost as a guideline for how much cash to give... But I've never asked the couple for how much they spent, it is merely a guess. At the end of the date you should be comfortable with what you are giving. $200 for a shower gift is very generous, you can cut your wedding gift in halve. I also agree with other posts that the wedding party should not be expected to spend so much on gifts on top of their wedding expenses.

What in the fuckity fuck?! This couple is way out of line. I would decline to do any of this and probably decline the wedding.

I have never heard of anything like this.

Gifts are technically never required, but I think those numbers sound high for me, but your area may be different? Although you should never be paying for your plates at the wedding? I'm still confused by that

First of all, while gifts are often given at the wedding, during the engagement, and at the bridal shower, it is in no way shape or form something that's required to attend any of those events. So for them to EXPECT you to give so many expensive gifts is ridiculous.

Second of all, you should NEVER be paying for your own meal at a wedding. Whoever pays for the wedding (whether it's the parents, the couple, both, or even someone else) pays for the meals of ALL guests, including the bridal party. It is absolutely NOT your responsibility to pay for your meal.

Third, a bridesmaids gift is generally a gift the BRIDE gives to her bridesmaids as a thank you for being in the wedding... not a gift the bridesmaids pitch in to get the bride and groom. At least not that I've heard of.

Finally, you're not required to attend the bachelor/bachelorette party either--whether you can't afford it or just don't want to go, there's no obligation. That is 100% optional and dependent on what you personally feel comfortable with.

This whole wedding sounds insane and if I were you I would bow out ASAP.

Stop listening to your husband. He knows nothing about wedding etiquette. Everything he's telling you is wrong.

I agree with the comments that this is overboard, BUT you seem to be fixated on them not paying for their own wedding. That is not your business, who is paying.

ETA -- I am curious, you say the wedding is of immediate family. Is it your side or DH's? Is it that DH wants to do this, and will feel embarrassed if you two do not participate like this? Or is it your side, and he is concerned about the cost?

COVER YOUR PLATES AT THE WEDDING?!?! That's crazy. The others are normal, but I don't think they should be absolutely required.

The only thing you are required to purchase is your attire for the wedding. That means the dress/Tux, undergarments, shoes, etc. Hair and make up is left up to you...if the bride requires it then she should be paying for it. As for the supposed gifts...not...you give what you can,....if its only $5 then that is what it is...you never pay for your own meal...thats left up to the bride and groom.

I have to disagree with the majority regarding #5.

Where are you from?

In NJ, you are expected to cover your plate (or close to). This is assumed in NJ, NOT stated by the couple.

Okay all...so my dear husband decided to ask his mom whose other son is gettint marri3d about it...and she said all that is correct. Someone pls shoot me. He said it doesmt matter what she said...but come on

That's outrageous. I was a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding, and I contributed to her shower, and paid my way at the bachelorette party. The shower WAS her gift because it was $185. That's a lot of money for a shower gift IMO. I may have taken the couple out to dinner when they got engaged, that was my "engagement gift" $50 max. Bachelorette was a local company, that we made stuff (paid for my own, bride's was complimentary, so that was nice.) We were going to do a destination, but chose not to due to costs, and bridesmaids budgets. Gave $100 gift at the wedding. Bought a $125 dress, and $25 alterations. Hotel room was $125 too. I spent a lot to be in this wedding, and host the shower. Extra gifts are not required. $400 is a lot when you will already have to shell out the money for the bridesmaid dress, tux/suit rental, shower if you are hosting one, bachelorette/bachelor if you are hosting and traveling. They don't need separate gifts. They are aware how much time and money you have already committed to them, expecting more is just greedy.

View Quoted Comment I feel that way too. This forum really helped get my husband on track. But his mom though!!! U should have seen her last night. Yea u have to do all that, blabla...u have to give them money at the wedding too.....i was like wtfffff