As moving too fast? My good friend (also a BM), bless her heart, makes the absolute worst decisions when it comes to dating. She told me last week that she has a new boyfriend. A week before that she had told me the girl she was dating wanted to end things. So somehow in the span of a few days she started dating this guy and is now head over heels. He’s apparently going to move across states to be with her and they are moving in together. She’s bringing him with her to the wedding and they apparently want to take the next step (I’m guessing marriage).... my head is spinning and I’ve just been supportive and told her I was happy if she was happy, but I can’t help but feel like a bad friend for not at least asking her to take a moment and breathe and think all this through. She’s been super fragile and I don’t want to upset her.
Has anyone else had a whirlwind romance? Did everything workout or did you get heart broken? Also how would you react if you were in this situation.
Latest activity by Sara, on May 25, 2019 at 3:19 PM
I think we all have that one friend. I have a friend who does this a lot too. She finds a guy she likes and thinks this is the one, I support her of course. But in the back of my head I'm like wait you just broke up with someone a week ago and now you are moving this fast with someone else slow down. I personally don't understand it. My friend is the same too, super fragile so I think it's easier to just go with it.
I guess you could say my relationship was kind of a whirlwind. He moved to where I live within 5 months, but we carefully planned it out. He put in for a transfer a work about 4 months; it got approved he moved up here a month later.
Even though it's hard it really is a mind your business kind of situation just be a supportive friend no matter what the outcome she's an adult and going to do what she wants no matter what you say so no point in getting involved.
I agree with Kiki. I’ll also add that even though you’re coming from a good place, she may see it as you attacking her happiness and withdraw from your friendship. I know that I’ve done that before when my friends have tried to be the voice of reason in situations where I wasn’t ready to hear it.
My parents were married 6 months after they started dating and are about to hit 49 years. Many people date for many years then wind up divorced within a year or two of their wedding. Relationships move at all different speeds.
What jumps out at me though, is he is moving across states??? Has she actually met him or are they simply dating online? If she hasn't met him, I would say it's okay to express concern. There are too many stories of people being catfished, scammed out of money, or worse. Just be gentle and let her know you love her and support her and her relationship, but want to make sure she is safe.
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All her relationships have been with people she has met online. one even confessed to cat fishing her and she still dated him after that and he totally messed her up and harassed her. Then she dated his best friend (the girl mentioned in original post) who at the time was also dating the ex. It’s all so confusing and messed up and I don’t now how she gets herself in these situations. She hasn’t met this guy before but he’s coming to meet her next week I think. And they are going to look at apartments. I know it’s “none of my business” but as her best friend I don’t want to sit idly by if this guy turns out to be some rapist, murder, etc... it’s just crazy to me.
I've known people to get married quickly and it work out (my parents got engaged 6 months in). But what concerns me is the fact they haven't even met in person yet. This is dangerous and not healthy. Although it seems like if you do say something to her, it may backfire and she may get mad at you. If she's too immature to see the light on things, she may just blame it on you.
I would suggest a double date with you and your FH when she meets him for the first time, lunch or maybe offer to join in on the apartment hunt. If I was you, I would be scared for my friend too.
Can you sit down with her to express your concerns about this situation? Don't tell her its wrong or you don't agree, just that you're worried about her safety/well being. Ask her about their plan (where will he work, whose name will the lease be in, how will they split the bills, etc)
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I would do that but she lives in Texas now and I’m still in Indiana so I can’t really be there. The good thing is she lives with her dad and siblings and I think he’s staying with her there so hopefully everyone will be home when he comes. And who knows he might not even show his crazy until deeper into the relationship. I dated someone I met online and took all the precautions with our first couple of meetings, but it wasn’t until 2 years later did he show his true colors and I was terrified to be in the same room as him.
I will ask her if she’s meeting him alone and if so, suggest she bring a friend or family member or at least do it in a very public place.
Fast romances can work out- my fiance and I moved in together a week after we met and the two years since is the happiest either of us have ever been!- but I imagine it might be very, very different with rebounds/internet-strangers/emotionally vulnerable people.
You know better than any of us if there's reason for concern- but even if you are worried, the best way to act on it is to make sure your friend knows you're there for her (without any unwelcome negative premonitions!). I think other people have been right in saying that intervening would do more harm than good! If you're being supportive, and looking out for any significant problems in the relationship she might be blind to, you're doing every thing a good friend would
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Agreed. As difficult as it is sometimes all you can do is be there to support her when or if things fall apart. Saying something before she’s ready to hear it might cause her to push you away and deny that there’s anything wrong with the situation. I’ve been on both sides of this scenario. Good luck to you and your friend 💕