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southernhuntress
Savvy October 2013

Is it wrong not to live with you fiance befor the wedding?

southernhuntress, on August 31, 2010 at 1:41 PM Posted in Planning 0 31

My finace and I are not living with each other right now cus we both dont have a good paying job right now to stable our self and im getting kinda worried that it wont get better soon. Im trying to keep my head up but its hard to, when each month goes by wondering if it will get better soon.

31 Comments

Latest activity by FMS, the barefoot wife!, on August 31, 2010 at 6:29 PM
  • Nicole
    Super May 2011
    Nicole ·
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    It isn't wrong. It is all about personal choice, but it is nice to know their habits before you get married!

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  • Mrs. Kline (Sass)
    Master December 2010
    Mrs. Kline (Sass) ·
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    No it isn't wrong at all. Its what works best for you.

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  • Jenn
    Devoted April 2011
    Jenn ·
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    Nope, it's not wrong but a good idea because some things can change. Also, IMO getting married before you are both financially stable is not the greatest, but that's just me!

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  • Erin
    Dedicated October 2012
    Erin ·
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    My fiance' is Catholic and I am episcople(sp?). We both view spiritually you shouldnt live together before marriage but I also think its a personal choice as well. My personal opinion is to live with them first. You learn a whole new side to them, their personal habits, cleaning habits, and some habits that are probably better left not knowning lol. Remember, you are committing to a life with this person and you will have to live with their qwirks. Like Jenn C. said, if you two can't finacially afford living together now, how are you expecting to afford a wedding? My fiance' and I pushed back our wedding due to finances and I am glad we did. Going into a marriage with debt from a wedding will make things unnecessarily hard. My suggestion, work on saving enough to live together, even if you choose not to before marriage, you still need a place to live once you are married.

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  • ladylee
    Master June 2010
    ladylee ·
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    My husband and I did not live together prior to marriage. It had nothing to do with money and everything to do with personal beliefs/preferences.

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  • Michele
    VIP July 2010
    Michele ·
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    My husband and I personally don't believe in living together before marriage, though our situation demanded it. However, we moved our marriage up because of it. (from May '11 to July '10)

    Living together before marriage is certainly not a requirement. It's a personaly choice, based on many factors. However, of bigger concern is a marriage that has financial instability. My advice? Work that out first.

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  • I. Bride
    Dedicated August 2011
    I. Bride ·
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    We live together, but I think it's a personal choice. I read this article a few years ago and I thought it brought up some good points.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200506/the-perils-playing-house

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  • Jessica
    Expert June 2011
    Jessica ·
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    It is a personal choice but I think that it is a good thing to do it. You learn more about the person and their habits. I live with my fiance and he doesnt clean up his tissues and he leaves his socks everywhere. lol Nothing too serious but still we work out things that bother each other and it helps Smiley smile

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  • His #1 Mrs. M
    Super August 2011
    His #1 Mrs. M ·
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    In my prior marriage we didn't live together (although I wish I wouldve) My FH and I curretly live together. Our funds are tight as well, plus we have 3 children, 2 of which are teenagers. We make the best of it and keep on pushing forward.

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  • ladylee
    Master June 2010
    ladylee ·
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    I didn't need to live with him to know he was a slob lol. I visited his home enough to figure that out. Our division of labor is based on things that will drive us crazy the most. For example, he immediately took over cutting the grass and I took over doing the laundry. Before we were married he would go for 1-2 months without washing clothes. No way that's going to fly with me. If you spend enough time getting to know a person you'll figure out the habits that'll get on your nerves. And just b/c you live together prior and KNOW their habits doesn't mean they're going to change. They've spent their entire life developing their habits.

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  • Abryanna
    Super April 2011
    Abryanna ·
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    To each its own..you have to see what works for you guys.Personally i dont think that i need a "trail run" to see if i want to be woth my fs or not. Couples who move in together before marriage have up to two times the odds of divorce, as compared with couples who marry before living together.

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  • I. Bride
    Dedicated August 2011
    I. Bride ·
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    I found two more recent blurbs about the topic. I don't think the studies mentioned (higher divorce rates, etc) apply to engaged couples who live together, but I still think the articles are enlightening: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-true-love/201003/so-should-we-live-together-part-i

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-true-love/201003/is-living-together-the-answer-or-the-kiss-death-relationship-part-2

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  • Mrs. Lesenski
    VIP September 2010
    Mrs. Lesenski ·
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    Obviously, you have figured out it is a matter of choice, I would suggest, as many others have, to go over your finances first... see what you can afford to live on, and if you can afford to save anything.

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  • Christin
    Super May 2012
    Christin ·
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    Not in my eyes, but my mom had a huge issue with me and the FH living together, but she got over it. I'm actually very happy we started living together before we get married, it showed me all of his habits and him mine.

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  • Abryanna
    Super April 2011
    Abryanna ·
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    Yea i dont think the study mentioned of the couples were engaged or not

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  • A
    Just Said Yes April 2011
    Allison ·
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    The question should be... "Is it wrong to live with your fiance before you are married?". I don't know how our country has gotten so backwards in it's values.

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  • Mrs H.
    Master May 2011
    Mrs H. ·
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    I agree Allison. This thread is basically a cry for attention.

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  • Meghan
    Master August 2011
    Meghan ·
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    Living together is not a prerequisite to a happy, healthy marriage.

    However, many coupe break up over fianancial problems. You aren't getting married until next year- so put all your time and effort into improving your financial situation- SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. If you can't afford to live together now, how can you afford to live together after the marriage?

    Life is hard, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. If you want things to change- CHANGE THEM! Find a way to change them. Get a second part time job, or further your education to get a better job. It's not easy, but you can hold your head high knowing you are doing everything you can.

    But I also firmly believe that being happy is a choice. Life may be difficult and not always full of roses, but we choose how we feel about it. We can be content with our life, or we can choose not to be. Focus on the good (like FH) and let the bad go while you do what you can to change it.

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  • Courtney's mom
    VIP September 2011
    Courtney's mom ·
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    Doesn't matter if its right or wrong to live together, if you can't afford to, no issue. Please don't be planning a wedding if you can't even afford to live together! You have all the time in the world

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  • I. Bride
    Dedicated August 2011
    I. Bride ·
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    @Abryanna - Yeah, the links I posted are specifically talking about living together before marriage is discussed. I would think engaged people wouldn't have the same problems, since they made a long-term commitment before moving in. Here's one more article http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200011/live-in-and-learn I'm done I swear Smiley smile

    Allison and Michelle, I don't think your negative comments are necessary.

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