Arlene
Devoted March 2020

Is it to late to change venue and overall everything?

Arlene, on August 22, 2019 at 3:44 PM Posted in Planning 0 19
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Hi please bear with me, if you saw my previous post I was having wedding blues due to having no support other than FH and feeling alone in planning with no bridal party or no one really. All is great with me and my FH if anything were amazing but we hit a few financial issues and had a few family medical emergencies/ injuries. We are 7 months away and I am stressing. We sent our save the dates out already but I really do not feel up for my wedding as big as we wanted. His groomsmen and best man are great as for me, my MOH is not existant and my bridesmaids are a state or counties away which are hours away. They are there with me emotionally but my MOH is not. I am not asking her to be with me I am not asking her anything as I no longer want to hurt myself reaching out just for her to know I exist. She has alot going on and I have been there seen her visited her but my wedding is never brought up which is fine I am not pushy. This wedding planning is not fun anymore, I haven't gotten my dress my MOH couldn't come or bailed, my other friends cannot everyone is busy I get it my BMs are out of state I want to go with my mom but shes sick sometimes she can't leave the house and my cousins wife who offered FORGOT 3x and I do not want to walk into a store alone if my mom cannot come. My future MIL is sick too and I would have to drive 3 hours to get her to come with me (doesn't drive) and I do not want to do that.I honestly wish I did a DW with FH. I want to save money as well, I have to review my contract but I want to do something smaller more intimate for my wedding. Is that bad? I can change the venue to same city or find something more intimate or just overall change the city and have that notified in the wedding invitations later this year, We have already put down 3K to save the date at my current venue, I do not know if we will get it back but I hope so...is this bad? Should I just chill relax and see how next few months go ?


I honestly just wanna marry my best friend so bad I am doing this ceremony for my mom who is elderly and sick and cannot travel. He wants to do it for me because he says I deserve to be queen for the day and as much as I love it I am stressed. We financially are doing this alone, neither one of our families are financially able to help other than little things. These emergencies set us back and even if they didn't I feel I have no support. My MOH is always busy and I feel I am not a concern which is fine I GET IT, one of my BM is complaining about my day which I ignored because it's not my problem she doesn't like its Sunday and she can't "turn up" and has to drive back. I have a cousin's wife mad at my date because she had a suprise party and I feel like I do not want to be around anyone but my FH and our IMMEDIATE family even though I know I have too. I don't know, I am sad...he wants what I want and he is so supportive that he was like let us take a trip and get married just me and you and celebrate small when we get back if you want. I am TEMPTED.

Any encouraging words or well wishes would be great. Smiley heart

19 Comments

  • Michaela
    Super May 2020
    Michaela ·
    • Flag

    It's never too late to do what you think is best. I would suggest that you write down all the pros and cons, like con: would maybe lose a deposit? Pro: Save money overall and so on. I don't have any personal experience to help you through this.. I would just sit down with your FH and really weigh all the options. Then after writing the list, put it away for a few days, maybe a week, and come back to it when your emotions have subdued a bit. That way you are really making the best decision for you! Good luck girl

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    True okay I will do that, thank you Smiley heart

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    If it helps to know, you are not alone. In fact, most of what you have described is very common and I would even say the normal bridal experience. Unfortunately, movies really build up this fantasy about being engaged and planning a wedding. They make it seem like your life magically transforms into a Disney movie and all your friends and family are so excited and eager to help you with anything. But that is not reality. In reality, no one is really as excited about your wedding as you and your FH. In fact, some of our friends and family just aren't excited at all and don't care about wedding planning or weddings in general. Or, they are simply busy with their own life. That is okay and it is very normal. The only people who should be excited and helping plan and pay for the wedding are you and your FH. Anyone else is just icing on the cake.

    My experience was no different. My family did not come to my wedding. My husband's family was not interested at all, though after the wedding they raved about having a good time. We planned and paid for the wedding ourselves. I didn't really talk about wedding stuff with my bridal party and they didn't ask.

    As far as cancelling your venue, read what your contract states to determine if you can get any of your money back. Many venues will have a clause in the contract that will pro-rate how much money you get back based on how close in time you cancel to the actual wedding date.

    Also, Sunday weddings do run the risk of some people not coming or complaining about that day, but they are becoming more popular and a good way to save money on the venue usually. My first wedding was a Sunday because I saved so much money on that day versus a Saturday. Just ignore the complainers since you can't make everyone happy.

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  • Dayna
    Devoted March 2021
    Dayna ·
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    So sorry you are feeling this way. I totally agree with the posts above. You definitely need to sit down and weigh the costs, and make sure you won't lose a ton of money on the venue. You could opt to have a smaller wedding now, since it sounds like that's really what you want, and then try to throw a big party for your 1 or 5 year anniversary. Maybe by then some of the medical, financial, and friend issues will shake out and you can have fun instead of stressing. I really hope everything works out for you!

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    TYSmiley heart I just was informed we won;t get any of our money back..so as of right now I am not sure. I am very confused and conflicted on which route to even look at.

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Thank you for your kind words Smiley heart

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    I just spoke to the venue and they gave us an extension and have been so amazing that I do not even want to go elsewhere my heart says to stay so I think that is what we will do.

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  • Shanita
    Dedicated September 2020
    Shanita ·
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    It is absolutely NEVER too late to do what makes you happy! You have a lot going on and all the planning on top of everything can be overwhelming in itself. Of all people your MOH should be a should to lean on. It sounds like she is not a support system at all and perhaps you should consider another MOH. This marriage journey is about you and FH. and you should enjoy the entire journey just as much as you will enjoy your big day. If you want smaller and intimate do that. If you want to just marry your honey...elope and do a ceremony later when y'all are in a better position financially and you have more support. But, most importantly do what works best for you and your situation.

    I have BM's out of state and my mom is out of state so I totally get the frustration there, but, I would maybe check out the "Meet-up" app. They may have local brides in your area and y'all can bounce ideas off of eachother and they may be more geeked to go dress hopping with you and you will all have that bond in common. And you always have your WW sisters here for you as well...fell free to reach out anytime...I know it can be frustrating. BIG HUGS Hun! Smiley heart

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  • Cara
    Dedicated May 2020
    Cara ·
    • Flag
    Never too late. If there’s going to be drama with a big wedding, then just do a small one. This is about you.

    If if I were in your state I’d come dress shopping with you. Such a fun process. Loved watching my friend find hers.

    This is Day isn’t about your friends and family. It’s about you and your FH. Do what feels right. Everyone else will get over it. And if not, we’re they in your life for your right reasons to begin with?
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    OMG I didn't know about that!! Thank you!!Smiley heart I know my FH informed me maybe I should remove MH she just had a baby so I GET IT but we have been engaged for 1.5 years before her pregnancy she wasn't involved either. So I honestly am not taking the pregnancy or baby excuse anymore, another BM had a baby as well and has 4 kids and has done everything to help so to me I am not sure. I think my MOH would not want to be it either personally I think she loves the title but I wish I just made her a BM. Unfortunately their dresses at davids bridal are in season so they got their dresses already so I would hate to demote MOH and I wouldn't but idk. If she does I get it but I wouldn't ask her too. I am glad you see where I am coming from, I was afraid I would be hard to understand, thank you again.

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Smiley heart Exactly! Well said and you are so sweet thank you!!!

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  • Devin
    Super October 2019
    Devin ·
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    How far can you push it out to? You could do a small intimate wedding now and do a big party reception for whenever they pushed the venue rental out for.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    You've gotten some great advice here, I also agree with making a list of pros and cons and that if you really think you are THAT unhappy about it then you should do something smaller. BUT I did just want to add, I think on the day of the wedding you will feel so happy to be married to your husband and so surrounded by the love of the people who are there, that you won't feel any of this negativity anymore. Financial stressors, plus several people had thoroughly gotten on my nerves and/or upset me throughout the planning process were also things that several times got me to the point where I also wanted to cancel and do something small...... but on the day of the wedding, I was SO glad I went through with it. Honestly all the negativity just melts away. If you can try to take a deep breath, take a step back, and remember none of your family or friends are going to behave any differently from how they usually behave just because you're getting married (unfortunately...) but on other days you love them anyway, so maybe just remember that...... and it's just one day, so just take it for what it is and enjoy it for what it is.... I think you'll be very happy.

    Just my perspective!

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Yes thank you I have decided we are going to do it I have no choice lol I am losing about 3500 if I decide not to do it. Venue confirmed I wouldn't receive my deposit and they are working with us financially. I am just going to push through thank you for your kind words Smiley heart

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    They gave us an extension for the next payment just 2 weeks out. It is okay we have decided to keep it, if it were to much and we wanted to remove stuff that is financially difficult we can.


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  • Rachel
    Devoted October 2019
    Rachel ·
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    Oh wow @Arlene, it sounds like you are working with a great venue! That's so nice that they granted you the extension, I think they know that life happens and wedding planning is expensive. LOL. Now, that being said it doesn't mean you can't host a smaller more intimate wedding than you originally planned. If that's what you and your FH would like to do. This is the day that the two of you are getting married and seriously nobody else's opinions on that matter... so what if you picked Sunday, they can get over it (I'm getting married on a Thursday, if people don't like it...don't come because I don't want you raining on my wedding). Regarding your MOH, truthfully it sounds like you two need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. I'm not trying to be ugly but if your bridal party isn't being supportive and helping however they can, than they're not doing what they're supposed to do. You, as the bride, have a lot on your plate and those ladies are supposed to be there to assist you with things and help you throughout the process. I'm so sorry that they're not being there for you like that.

    Dress shopping.... perhaps look into some places that have samples delivered to you (Rent the Runway, Azazie, etc.), then you could go to your Mom's and try them on with her. She would be able to be with you and you'd have those memories together. Best of luck on your journey and know that you're not alone, you have a whole crew of people on here that want nothing but the best for you and your wedding day.

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    You’re absolutely right on all of that!! Definitely I’ve been talking to a local bridal shop I’m planning to go alone find my top 2 then bring my mom to choose when I buy it that way she’s not waiting for 2-3 hours for me. My MOH I’m not going to.. I love her she’s my best friend but I’m not exhausting that I know her she won’t think anything of it sadly and it may cause more issues ima just enjoy the wedding & see how rest goes. The ones hating on Sunday I said the same thing they don’t have to come saves me 108 per head so idc one of them is my bridesmaid and idc either she bought her dress so she can lose money and not
    come or just be quiet. People like to see people fail or complain I’ve learned. Thank you for your kind words !!
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  • Rachel
    Devoted October 2019
    Rachel ·
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    Yes, unfortunately you are correct that people like to complain or watch other flounder. Keep your head up though and do the best you can do to make the wedding everything you and your FH want it to be. Best of luck.

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  • Rachel
    Expert September 2019
    Rachel ·
    • Flag

    If doing a DW will make you feel like a queen, then do it.

    Cancelling a wedding isn't the end of the world. You do need to let everyone know, and there will be questions, but don't let anyone make you think you have to answer invasive questions or spill your dirty laundry. Family and friends who actually matter will understand, and they're the ones who will do practically anything for your wedding to turn out the way you want it, by the way.

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